Scared First time making a post

[Shonenprotagonist]

You know it's ironic how many times I've stumbled on bluelight threads from looking up stuff about getting high. I think that's most probably the norm. I ended up here this time doing the same thing, already in a relapse, unable to sleep, watching myself do the same thing I've done countless times already. The fucked up part is I always seem "give up" right before the miracle, to the point where I feel like I get high and then I see a miracle start to manifest into my life, and then I get to watch it deteriorate before it ever has a chance to grow and become real because I got high and things start getting fucked up. But what's so frustrating is how I feel like the only way I'm able to break out of my shell and open up to someone and firm a genuine connection is when I'm high. I get GTG because I feel so lonely and that social anxiety is gone for a little bit, I'm just rambling I guess but honestly that's OK. I've been reading alot of threads on here and heavily relating and it's just crazy how many others out there are just the same as me and got sucked into this drug shit and are stuck in the cycle and never allow ourselves to live up to the potential we are capable of.

 

[Nurse Ratched]

Welcome to Bluelight. Glad you finally decided to make a thread about your troubles. Is it meth that has you relapsing? Only reason I ask is that you say you can't sleep at the moment.

If you ever want to make a thread in Health and recovery there are many people that will help you with your journey. Have a good a weekend as you possibly can and keep posting.

 

[SoCalShordie]

Hey there & welcome to the Bluelight community my friend! Any time u wanna chat feel free to message me

 

[Shonenprotagonist]

Welcome to Bluelight. Glad you finally decided to make a thread about your troubles. Is it meth that has you relapsing? Only reason I ask is that you say you can't sleep at the moment.

If you ever want to make a thread in Health and recovery there are many people that will help you with your journey.

Welcome to Bluelight. Glad you finally decided to make a thread about your troubles. Is it meth that has you relapsing? Only reason I ask is that you say you can't sleep at the moment.

If you ever want to make a thread in Health and recovery there are many people that will help you with your journey. Have a good a weekend as you possibly can and keep posting.

Yeah meth is always my go to high, specifically shooting meth is what experience extreme cravings for. I often use Xanax or dope as a means to deal with the come down (which I wasn't able to aquire this particular time lol.)

 

[Nurse Ratched]

Yeah meth is always my go to high, specifically shooting meth is what experience extreme cravings for. I often use Xanax or dope as a means to deal with the come down (which I wasn't able to aquire this particular time lol.)

So you are stuck coming down with nothing for comfort....that's gotta suck. There are definitely many, many threads on here about meth issues. Most of them are exactly like yours. Stuck in a cycle of relapsing and struggling to stay away from it.

It certainly has gotten its claws in a lot of people. More than half of the threads in other drugs and basic drug discussion are related to meth. You aren't alone but I know right about now you are feeling like you are. Guess ll you can do is wait for it to wear off so that you can eat and sleep.

 

[Lil'LinaptkSix]

stuck in the cycle and never allow ourselves to live up to the potential we are capable of.

i got so fuckin sick of living and feeling this somehow something snapped and in the process the spiral slowed and is still slowing. i would attribute this to a great support system (here and SO), needing to be more "responsible" cause of of the commitments made and being just plain done with being broke all the time for decades. it was either plot a course, grab a few life sentences or find a hole in the ground to lay in.
whatever ya do don't give up cause we are always evolving/changing and if there is something "worthy" that compromise isn't a problem freedom to choose will be a reality.
i love my drugs... just have more love for "other" now. i get high. will do most anything but there is a time for yes and a time for no. past my shelf-life and tbph its not as bad as i thought it would be. lol aside from the physical decomposition of aging... the rest is pretty rad.
keep looking for that day... it will come. but ya gotta be here to see it.
peace