OdesseyAndOracle
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jan 24, 2017
- Messages
- 6
I'm sorry for the text wall. I'm a person that values detail. I'm searching for answers and desperately want closure with this predicament. Thanks to those who do read.
So three months ago I tripped on LSD for the first time with my sister and her friend. It was 200ug, one 100ug tab at 9pm, and another at about 3am.
Set: one thing about set that I think may have affected the emotional level of the trip was that I was 3 months out of a shattering breakup. The kind that left me crushed. I was truly heartbroken and I probably shouldn't have tripped. Due to my heartbreak I was depressed. Grovelling for a month turned into being a slob and never leaving the house, that kind of a situation.
My sister, who I love to death, was also going through a rough time. She, 20 (im 22) had sort of randomly gone from a very goody goody, Christian, golden child daughter and girl, to someone who would smoke weed all the time, hide everything from our parents, and she was unable to be alone, going from boyfriend to boyfriend to boyfriend. I don't have a problem with weed btw, just illustrating the sharpness of the shift.
She attributes this to anxiety disorders and heartbreak over guys, but she probably shouldn't have been tripping anyways, although she had a beautiful time the whole trip.
Her friend, I didn't know very well. She was actually living at it house at the time. She had spent her life couch to couch, she left home at 16 and hates her family, also struggles with anxiety.
Not a good set now that I think about it.
Setting: I was just playing video games when my sister texted me and said to come to her room. I did, and her and her friend asked me if I wanted to drop LSD that night. I said sure, I had researched psychedelics and been fascinated by them for years. I really wanted to try one, and this was the opportunity. We tripped the whole time in the upstairs of my parents house. That was sketch, because my parents are hardcore conservative christians. But I'm also extremely up-front with them. They know I smoke weed, and have sex, and all these other things, so it didn't bother me that much. Obviously it bothered my sister more since she at the time hid everything from them, and that played a huge role in the most confounding part of the trip that I'll touch on later.
So a below average setting.
First thing I want to say is that it was not a bad trip. In fact most of it was beautiful. Oddly, it's hard for me to remember a lot of it. I remember key moments, like having the most amazing visual explosion with my eyes buried in the palm of my hand during the orchestral, chaotic crescendo in "A Day in The Life" by the Beatles, but I have to think very hard to remember the trip as a continuous experience. But I'll recount what I remember.
It started out great, kicked in and I was having a good time. I started tripping out on an album cover for The Zombies and their song, Hung Up on A Dream. Watched some trippy adult swim show on YouTube, listened to music, etc. The most beautiful and memorable thing is I went into my gaming room and got on cod beta and invited some random guy on my friends list to a party. We played cod and I was just cracking him up haha. And I was tripping DICK on the game. Visualize the voice in CoD that says "they're capturing B." Now visualize it and mid-sentence your character starts running in slow motion and it sounds like "they're CAaapTcheeeeereeeng B........" beautiful.
Then shit went weird. On my way back to my sisters room, I ran into my dad, and i was totally peaking. I did not know how to handle it but got scared and just said good morning then started walking downstairs. He noticed something off and looked concerned, but I just walked outside barefoot and said I'm going on a morning walk, but our fucking sidewalk was under construction so I just walked across the grass lmfao. I realized how stupid it looked, so I walked back inside for my shoes. My dad stopped me and asked me if everything was alright, I said yea and he looked a little concerned but genuinely believed me. Since, I've told him that I tripped and he actually said he had no idea (weird).
I go back to my sisters room, her and her friend look all concerned and say "what happened?" I told them, with the attitude of "it really doesn't matter", and they get concerned. At this point, I'm tripping balls and they're almost completely down. It was about 9 or 10 am the next morning and they kept saying "I don't know why he's still like this", talking about me to each other looking really concerned. This freaked me out.
Then they started coming up with a lie to tell my dad if he had questions. I had an objection to this because I'm so up front and honest about my lifestyle, but it became more than just an objection. It became like a war for me. I was yelling at them at the top of my lungs, telling my sister she has to stop hiding shit from her family. Then I would slip away mentally, come back and say I'm sorry I don't know what I'm saying I'm tripping and can't control it, then slip away come back and yell at them, saying they were being such "females" (I antagonized women a lot during this period in my life during the breakup fallout, I've healed a lot since then), and generally hurting their feelings.
The in between moments where I'd slip away I'd describe as blacking out. I still don't remember any of the in between, I don't remember any visuals during this time, only total, unbridled emotional carnage and "righteous" anger during the mad parts. I remember completely ranting at my sister for hiding things all the time, slipping away, then coming back and seeing my sister crying, feeling beyond terrible and protective and telling her sorry I have no idea what's going on. She told me she wasn't crying or upset because of me, apparently her boyfriend wasn't being supportive of her or something, and she was just tripping me out, which then led to me calling them "females" again and slipping away.
I distinctly remember one of the polar opposites happening, either anger or apology, and her friend looking stressed as hell like I was too much to handle and saying "we've heard this before, he'll be back to nice guy in a bit" sarcastically. I also remember a big, big part of this part of the trip was I could FEEL their anxiety. I did not want to be anxious, but they were, and they were sober, and it was tripping me tf out. Like their anxiety was manifesting in me.
My sisters boyfriend, a really trippy fellow, then came over to help out. He just sat next to me, and asked me how my trip was. It was almost at this exact moment that I started really coming down. Him and I sat there and talked about deep philosophical shit for hours, probably 4 or 5 hours.
I felt connected to everyone there, and said something like "man I just needed a bro here". I remember saying that gender played a huge role in the trip for me, that I just needed another male energy to connect with and feel relaxed or something. Everyone, including me, was relieved, and we all forgave each other and had an awesome rest of the day hanging out.
But in reference to the bad part, even typing this now I feel horrified. I love my sister and I regard myself as a nice person. Before this trip in fact, I regarded myself as an awesome, stand up guy. This trip made me feel like I'm an asshole, and a piece of filth. I apologized profusely to my sister, and she even said if I hadn't apologized so much and been so horrified at it, it might have caused irreversible damage or something right after the trip.
This trip confuses the hell out of me. I loved most of it, but that part was traumatizing. What on earth caused that? I've looked around and haven't found any similar experiences on the internet. Why do I feel like I "blacked out" in between my going back and forth? Why was I so mean on such a loving drug?
Any answers would be appreciated, i want closure with this trip. That's really what I'm seeking.
Btw, my sister and I are good now. I'm in a better place personally, and I'm really chasing my dreams/being the best form of myself. This trip was during a dark time in my life.
Thank you so much to anyone who reads this and tries to help me navigate what happened.
So three months ago I tripped on LSD for the first time with my sister and her friend. It was 200ug, one 100ug tab at 9pm, and another at about 3am.
Set: one thing about set that I think may have affected the emotional level of the trip was that I was 3 months out of a shattering breakup. The kind that left me crushed. I was truly heartbroken and I probably shouldn't have tripped. Due to my heartbreak I was depressed. Grovelling for a month turned into being a slob and never leaving the house, that kind of a situation.
My sister, who I love to death, was also going through a rough time. She, 20 (im 22) had sort of randomly gone from a very goody goody, Christian, golden child daughter and girl, to someone who would smoke weed all the time, hide everything from our parents, and she was unable to be alone, going from boyfriend to boyfriend to boyfriend. I don't have a problem with weed btw, just illustrating the sharpness of the shift.
She attributes this to anxiety disorders and heartbreak over guys, but she probably shouldn't have been tripping anyways, although she had a beautiful time the whole trip.
Her friend, I didn't know very well. She was actually living at it house at the time. She had spent her life couch to couch, she left home at 16 and hates her family, also struggles with anxiety.
Not a good set now that I think about it.
Setting: I was just playing video games when my sister texted me and said to come to her room. I did, and her and her friend asked me if I wanted to drop LSD that night. I said sure, I had researched psychedelics and been fascinated by them for years. I really wanted to try one, and this was the opportunity. We tripped the whole time in the upstairs of my parents house. That was sketch, because my parents are hardcore conservative christians. But I'm also extremely up-front with them. They know I smoke weed, and have sex, and all these other things, so it didn't bother me that much. Obviously it bothered my sister more since she at the time hid everything from them, and that played a huge role in the most confounding part of the trip that I'll touch on later.
So a below average setting.
First thing I want to say is that it was not a bad trip. In fact most of it was beautiful. Oddly, it's hard for me to remember a lot of it. I remember key moments, like having the most amazing visual explosion with my eyes buried in the palm of my hand during the orchestral, chaotic crescendo in "A Day in The Life" by the Beatles, but I have to think very hard to remember the trip as a continuous experience. But I'll recount what I remember.
It started out great, kicked in and I was having a good time. I started tripping out on an album cover for The Zombies and their song, Hung Up on A Dream. Watched some trippy adult swim show on YouTube, listened to music, etc. The most beautiful and memorable thing is I went into my gaming room and got on cod beta and invited some random guy on my friends list to a party. We played cod and I was just cracking him up haha. And I was tripping DICK on the game. Visualize the voice in CoD that says "they're capturing B." Now visualize it and mid-sentence your character starts running in slow motion and it sounds like "they're CAaapTcheeeeereeeng B........" beautiful.
Then shit went weird. On my way back to my sisters room, I ran into my dad, and i was totally peaking. I did not know how to handle it but got scared and just said good morning then started walking downstairs. He noticed something off and looked concerned, but I just walked outside barefoot and said I'm going on a morning walk, but our fucking sidewalk was under construction so I just walked across the grass lmfao. I realized how stupid it looked, so I walked back inside for my shoes. My dad stopped me and asked me if everything was alright, I said yea and he looked a little concerned but genuinely believed me. Since, I've told him that I tripped and he actually said he had no idea (weird).
I go back to my sisters room, her and her friend look all concerned and say "what happened?" I told them, with the attitude of "it really doesn't matter", and they get concerned. At this point, I'm tripping balls and they're almost completely down. It was about 9 or 10 am the next morning and they kept saying "I don't know why he's still like this", talking about me to each other looking really concerned. This freaked me out.
Then they started coming up with a lie to tell my dad if he had questions. I had an objection to this because I'm so up front and honest about my lifestyle, but it became more than just an objection. It became like a war for me. I was yelling at them at the top of my lungs, telling my sister she has to stop hiding shit from her family. Then I would slip away mentally, come back and say I'm sorry I don't know what I'm saying I'm tripping and can't control it, then slip away come back and yell at them, saying they were being such "females" (I antagonized women a lot during this period in my life during the breakup fallout, I've healed a lot since then), and generally hurting their feelings.
The in between moments where I'd slip away I'd describe as blacking out. I still don't remember any of the in between, I don't remember any visuals during this time, only total, unbridled emotional carnage and "righteous" anger during the mad parts. I remember completely ranting at my sister for hiding things all the time, slipping away, then coming back and seeing my sister crying, feeling beyond terrible and protective and telling her sorry I have no idea what's going on. She told me she wasn't crying or upset because of me, apparently her boyfriend wasn't being supportive of her or something, and she was just tripping me out, which then led to me calling them "females" again and slipping away.
I distinctly remember one of the polar opposites happening, either anger or apology, and her friend looking stressed as hell like I was too much to handle and saying "we've heard this before, he'll be back to nice guy in a bit" sarcastically. I also remember a big, big part of this part of the trip was I could FEEL their anxiety. I did not want to be anxious, but they were, and they were sober, and it was tripping me tf out. Like their anxiety was manifesting in me.
My sisters boyfriend, a really trippy fellow, then came over to help out. He just sat next to me, and asked me how my trip was. It was almost at this exact moment that I started really coming down. Him and I sat there and talked about deep philosophical shit for hours, probably 4 or 5 hours.
I felt connected to everyone there, and said something like "man I just needed a bro here". I remember saying that gender played a huge role in the trip for me, that I just needed another male energy to connect with and feel relaxed or something. Everyone, including me, was relieved, and we all forgave each other and had an awesome rest of the day hanging out.
But in reference to the bad part, even typing this now I feel horrified. I love my sister and I regard myself as a nice person. Before this trip in fact, I regarded myself as an awesome, stand up guy. This trip made me feel like I'm an asshole, and a piece of filth. I apologized profusely to my sister, and she even said if I hadn't apologized so much and been so horrified at it, it might have caused irreversible damage or something right after the trip.
This trip confuses the hell out of me. I loved most of it, but that part was traumatizing. What on earth caused that? I've looked around and haven't found any similar experiences on the internet. Why do I feel like I "blacked out" in between my going back and forth? Why was I so mean on such a loving drug?
Any answers would be appreciated, i want closure with this trip. That's really what I'm seeking.
Btw, my sister and I are good now. I'm in a better place personally, and I'm really chasing my dreams/being the best form of myself. This trip was during a dark time in my life.
Thank you so much to anyone who reads this and tries to help me navigate what happened.
