user name1
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Apr 13, 2013
- Messages
- 107
Hi friends!
i thought long and hard before posting this - i don't want to give any idea to nobody but then i thought i have nowhere else to raise this subject
and i do want to ask for guidance if possible.. (will totally understand if this will be deleted and my account blocked).
so... for many years I have been fantasizing suicide but until lately it was just ideation (didn't planned anything concrete, just toying with the idea philosophically maybe). those last couple of months seemed like all the stars had aligned against me for some reason and was hit with blow after tragic blow..
the phrase "if I didn't have bad luck I wouldn't have any luck at all" never seemed more accurate for me in my life. I won't trouble you with all of the shit I've had to endure but I will say that in my 40 troubled years on this plant I had never went through half of what I had to deal with those last months and the worst is yet to come.
so this last month I had been obsessed with suicide to the point it never leaved my thoughts for a moment, like some kind of suicide OCD if you can call it that.
although i am suicidal I can't shake the knowledge that I don't have the courage or the impulsivity required to pull that off -
until an hour or 2 ago that is, I was shocked that it never even crossed my mind for some reason but I have found the way to go. I am very reluctant as to write what that method is...
the main reason i wanted to post here, as i wrote before, is for guidance and some research on how to do it right and painlessly as possible but now i just can't seem to reveal the method because (although it's a common enough method) I don't want to give any one any bright ideas so I'm fucked..
if anybody has any idea as to what I'm planning I won't deny it and then maybe I could ask for some education regarding the matter at hand.
i am truly sorry for posting this crap and taking up your time for essentially and basically almost nothing..
thanks in advance and cheers.
jona
i thought long and hard before posting this - i don't want to give any idea to nobody but then i thought i have nowhere else to raise this subject
and i do want to ask for guidance if possible.. (will totally understand if this will be deleted and my account blocked).
so... for many years I have been fantasizing suicide but until lately it was just ideation (didn't planned anything concrete, just toying with the idea philosophically maybe). those last couple of months seemed like all the stars had aligned against me for some reason and was hit with blow after tragic blow..
the phrase "if I didn't have bad luck I wouldn't have any luck at all" never seemed more accurate for me in my life. I won't trouble you with all of the shit I've had to endure but I will say that in my 40 troubled years on this plant I had never went through half of what I had to deal with those last months and the worst is yet to come.
so this last month I had been obsessed with suicide to the point it never leaved my thoughts for a moment, like some kind of suicide OCD if you can call it that.
although i am suicidal I can't shake the knowledge that I don't have the courage or the impulsivity required to pull that off -
until an hour or 2 ago that is, I was shocked that it never even crossed my mind for some reason but I have found the way to go. I am very reluctant as to write what that method is...
the main reason i wanted to post here, as i wrote before, is for guidance and some research on how to do it right and painlessly as possible but now i just can't seem to reveal the method because (although it's a common enough method) I don't want to give any one any bright ideas so I'm fucked..
if anybody has any idea as to what I'm planning I won't deny it and then maybe I could ask for some education regarding the matter at hand.
i am truly sorry for posting this crap and taking up your time for essentially and basically almost nothing..
thanks in advance and cheers.
jona
