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  • Film & TV Moderators: ghostfreak

films and tv: The Monty Python appreciation thread

"Oh, but you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you."

"Oh but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."
 
But my favorite is the French soldier at the first castle.

"I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries" "now go away before I taunt you a second time."
 
I convinced my GF to see with Moi, both the life of brian & the holy grail, and to this day, when ever I want to annoy Her I just start :

I AM KING ARTHUR, Ruler of.... And immediately I get something trown at Me.

It just kills her... =D
 
The witch burning scene is this film cracks me up, i swear i know almost everyline (way too lazy to post it all though)

we used to have this on laserdisc, y'know those massive filmdiscs that look like a cd on steroids.

Ni ni ni ni

ecky ecky ecky buta boitoing nee wop.
 
<3 The Flying Lessons sketch.

Mr Anemone: (very loudly) Up on the table! (Mr Chigger gets on the table) Arms out, fingers together, knees bent, now, head well forward. Now, flap your arms. Go on, flap, faster... faster... faster... faster, faster, faster, faster - now jump! (Mr Chigger jumps and lands on the floor) Rotten. Rotten. You're no bloody use at all. You're an utter bloody wash-out. You make me sick, you weed!

Mr Chigger: Now look here...

Mr Anemone: All right, all right. I'll give you one more chance, get on the table...

Mr Chigger: Look, I came here to learn how to fly an aeroplane.

Mr Anemone: A what?

Mr Chigger: I came here to learn how to fly an aeroplane.

Mr Anemone: (sarcastically) Oh, 'an aeroplane'. Oh, I say, we are grand, aren't we? (imitation posh accent) 'Oh, oh, no more buttered scones for me, mater. I'm off to play the grand piano'. 'Pardon me while I fly my aeroplane.' Now get on the table!
 
Tiger brand coffee is a real treat
even real tigers prefer it to real meat


the meaning of life is the funniest film in existence.
 
"what's your favourite colour?"


fuck. monty python are geniuses
a kind of humour with which i'm totally on the same wave

"you are accused of heresy on three counts -- heresy by thought, heresy by word, heresy by deed, and heresy by action -- *four* counts"


"Secretary: Oh, good morning. Uhm, have you come to arrange a holiday or would you like a blow job?
Mr. Smoketoomuch: I'm sorry?
Secretary: Uh, oh, you've come to arrange a holiday?
Mr. Smoketoomuch: Uuh...yes.
Secretary: Oh, sorry, sorry. Now, where were you thinking of going?"
 
Sgt.:
Pointed stick? Oh, oh, oh. We want to learn how to defend ourselves against pointed sticks, do we? Getting all high and mighty, eh? Fresh fruit not good enough for you eh? Well I'll tell you something my lad. When you're walking home tonight and some great homicidal maniac comes after you with a bunch of loganberries, don't come crying to me! Now, the passion fruit. When your assailant lunges at you with a passion fruit...

All:
We done the passion fruit.

Sgt.:
What?

Chapman:
We done the passion fruit.

Palin:
We done oranges, apples, grapefruit...

Jones:
Whole and segments.

Palin:
Pomegranates, greengages...

Chapman:
Grapes, passion fruit...

Palin:
Lemons...

Jones:
Plums...

Chapman:
Mangoes in syrup...

Sgt.:
How about cherries?

All:
We did them.

Sgt.: Red and black?

All:
Yes!
 
[Sees stork dropping baby into the chimney]

"Oh, bloody Hell!"

****

"Oh fishy fishy, fishy fish!"

****

"So, are you a doctor?

Blimey, no!"

:D
 
"Caribou, gone." (gorn)

When I'm having trouble sleeping I'll sometimes focus on song lyrics in my head. The Galaxy Song often winds up on this internal playlist. It makes my insides smile.

Galaxy Song ~Eric Idle
Whenever life gets you down, Mrs. Brown,
And things seem hard or tough,
And people are stupid, obnoxious or daft,
And you feel that you've had quite eno-o-o-o-o-ough,

Just remember that you're standing on a planet that's evolving
And revolving at nine hundred miles an hour.
Thas orbiting at nineteen miles a second, so it's reckoned,
A sun that is the source of all our power.
The sun, and you and me, and all the stars that we can see,
Are moving at a million miles a day,
In an outer spiral arm, at forty thousand miles an hour,
Of a galaxy we call the Milky Way.

Our galaxy itself contains a hundred billion stars;
It's a hundred thousand light-years side to side;
It bulges in the middle sixteen thousand light-years thick,
But out by us it's just three thousand light-years wide.
We're thirty thousand light-years from Galactic Central Point,
We go 'round every two hundred million years;
And our galaxy itself is only one of millions of billions
In this amazing and expanding universe.


The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding,
In all of the directions it can whiz;
As fast as it can go, the speed of light, you know,
Twelve million miles a minute and that's the fastest speed there is.
So remember, when you're feeling very small and insecure,
How amazingly unlikely is your birth;
And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere out in space,
'Cause there's bugger all down here on Earth!
 
MR. HARRY BLACKITT: Look at them, bloody Catholics, filling the bloody world up with bloody people they can't afford to bloody feed.
MRS. BLACKITT: What are we dear?
MR. BLACKITT: Protestant, and fiercely proud of it.
MRS. BLACKITT: Hmm. Well, why do they have so many children?
MR. BLACKITT: Because... every time they have sexual intercourse, they have to have a baby.
MRS. BLACKITT: But it's the same with us, Harry.
MR. BLACKITT: What do you mean?
MRS. BLACKITT: Well, I mean, we've got two children, and we've had sexual intercourse twice.
MR. BLACKITT: That's not the point. We could have it any time we wanted.
MRS. BLACKITT: Really?
MR. BLACKITT: Oh, yes, and, what's more, because we don't believe in all that Papist claptrap, we can take precautions.
MRS. BLACKITT: What, you mean... lock the door?
MR. BLACKITT: No, no. I mean, because we are members of the Protestant Reformed Church, which successfully challenged the autocratic power of the Papacy in the mid-sixteenth century, we can wear little rubber devices to prevent issue.
MRS. BLACKITT: What d'you mean?
MR. BLACKITT: I could, if I wanted, have sexual intercourse with you,...
MRS. BLACKITT: Oh, yes, Harry.
MR. BLACKITT: ...and, by wearing a rubber sheath over my old feller, I could insure... that, when I came off, you would not be impregnated.
MRS. BLACKITT: Ooh!
MR. BLACKITT: That's what being a Protestant's all about. That's why it's the church for me. That's why it's the church for anyone who respects the individual and the individual's right to decide for him or herself. When Martin Luther nailed his protest up to the church door in fifteen-seventeen, he may not have realised the full significance of what he was doing, but four hundred years later, thanks to him, my dear, I can wear whatever I want on my John Thomas,... [sniff] ...and, Protestantism doesn't stop at the simple condom! Oh, no! I can wear French Ticklers if I want.
MRS. BLACKITT: You what?
MR. BLACKITT: French Ticklers. Black Mambos. Crocodile Ribs. Sheaths that are designed not only to protect, but also to enhance the stimulation of sexual congress.
MRS. BLACKITT: Have you got one?
MR. BLACKITT: Have I got one? Uh, well, no, but I can go down the road any time I want and walk into Harry's and hold my head up high and say in a loud, steady voice, 'Harry, I want you to sell me a condom. In fact, today, I think I'll have a French Tickler, for I am a Protestant.'
MRS. BLACKITT: Well, why don't you?
MR. BLACKITT: But they-- Well, they cannot, 'cause their church never made the great leap out of the Middle Ages and the domination of alien episcopal supremacy.
 
like em, but not to the point of being able to quote too much, not that big of a fan. going to watch a few more though, we are off to see spamalot in a few months :)
 
Someone needs to translate the skit where the two frenchmen are turning a picture of a sheep into an airplane. It's way too fucked up to explain, but hilarious even if you don't know a lick of french.
 
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