Heroin feeling things so much deeper when you're off heroin

[e92]

naturally i feel things very deeply; pain, happiness, sadness, etc. but on heroin, as all of you probably know i didnt feel any thing deeply, if anything at all. walk right up to a girl talk to her and even sometimes get a date.

the things that get me jealous now when im sober, only got me a liiitle jealous when i was high and that only lasted for a few minutes before i forgot about it.

without drugs, i feel useless. i'm talking about any drug. adderall, klonopin, heroin, all sorts of opiates. i feel like i cant and dont want to do anything when i am not on them. i never have any real motivation to do anything when i'm sober. the reward system in my brain is fucked up and drugs are the only thing that cures it.

my life on heroin was great. i started a new great paying job, was going to the gym, getting girls numbers. it was great. the only thing i hated about it is the stigma of "oh you do heroin! junkie!".

 

[BeachBum4u]

I can tell you from experience, not from heroin but from pain meds, that they do lay down a veneer over your skin so everything is dulled by the drugs. Once when I was forced to withdrawal from an extremely high OxyContin regiment, I used to describe myself as a man with no skin. Everything (good, bad or indifferent) that touched me HURT. It was as if my shell had been removed and I was exposed to everything that could come at me. Emotions were more extreme as well as pain. It is not a pleasant feeling and I can only imagine what you are going through. I suppose knowing what's coming may help a shade but it's clearly a tough road to tow. Good Luck!

 

[Sprout]

It's completely normal to experience emotional amplification upon Opioid cessation, partly because the shit we as Junkies tend to be running from catches up and sucker punches you for lost time and because emotions are so fluid relative to the one-dimensional, apathetic mind when intoxicated.

 

[Opiephoric!.]

Yeah opiates definitely helped with my social anxiety a whole fucking lot! ? oxycontin was the best until I discovered heroin when they changed oxys innerds fillers additives gel nonsense shit. But when I'd binge or have to sto.p, it feels like a hollowness inside, I hate that. And nothing alleviates that, unless ya know, another opiate. My anxiety gets ridiculous as well and weed helps with amazingly well these days, where it used to not work for me when I withdrew. Our State recently medicinalized so there is good ones floating round.
I did recently come off a klonopin binge and keep getting these sharp headaches, but I am on suboxone too and have dropped the dose 2 mg. For me OP, it's like I feel the need to always have a drug in my system or I just have little to zero care for anything or anyone

 

[bingey]

Kicking heroin feels a lot like taking lsd minus all the positive feelings to me.

I feel it makes me stronger every time I get through the PAWS.

 

[CfZrx]

^true! the pupils get huge and you feel like your tripping sort of, hypomanic with a runny nose,lol

 

[Fractal-Flow]

^ I've never used heroin but about 4-5 years ago had a pill habit. Got on buprenorphine maintenance for the past 3-4 years. Never relapsed during that time.

About 4 weeks ago I decided to just cold turkey off buprenorphine. It sucked hard. I work a high level professional job where I interact with high level managers in meeting type settings and have to deliver results. There are also physical aspects to the job as its in the manufacturing industry. So working with withdrawing from years on buprenorphine was tough. There was one day I pulled my car over on the way into work because I was so fucking weak and fatigued from W/D that I literally did not have the energy to make the hand over hand motion to turn the fucking steering wheel. I cold turkey'd for several days and decided I may need to give a Kratom taper a shot in order to make it through work. I took a few grams of Kratom daily for about a week or so... but I felt I was just prolonging the W/D by doing so. So I took Kratom for like a week then discontinued that and just decided to ride it out cold turkey.

It's been like two weeks since then and while I still don't have 100% of my energy back I'm out of W/D and every day I feel better and better. I've always worked out 3 days a week and am in good shape, so I've continued that through W/D (which wasn't always easy) and that helps.

There was a post about quitting buprenorphine recently and the subtle perceptual/awareness changes that come about as a result of that. I too had always thought that on 2mg/day of buprenorphine I was in the exact same sober state as my peers. How wrong I was about that. My sense perception (sight, smell, touch etc) feels like its about 3x as sharp. My libido is incredible and I almost forgot what it was like to be a healthy 25 year old male loaded with testosterone. Sex was fine on buprenorphie but it was absolutely robbed of that magical "charge".

Even simple shit like walking through fucking Wal Mart of all places I am bombarded with the richness of the smells, the colors and sights pop out etc. When I listen to music I get a charge I haven't felt in YEARS. My conclusion is that buprenorphine robs you of the natural biochemical (endorphin?) fluxes which account for the transient "magic" moments in every day life. After a while you just forget that shit ever even existed and just become content in your new state.

No judgements here and I am totally pro buprenorphine treatment. But I'll never use an opiate again and have zero desire to. Haven't even thought of it in years and years. I truly find this return to sobriety to be "magical" in a way that has me FLYING. It's hard to explain but there's times when the combination of biochemistry fluctuations, novel environments, people, situations etc all combine in such a way that the resulting experience is one of transient "magic". And that feeling is a high of a caliber (at least IMO) on par with any of the heavyweights.

So glad I did this. What an amazing thing life is. I am very fortunate.

 

[Opiephoric!.]

@ Fractal flow, I get what you mean. I thought taking , my 4 mg or 2 mg was like a placebo or you know, that it had no "effect" and I would skip days here and there but I went a whole week and a half and was dying for any relief. It's like you take sub to be "normal" and transition gently into sobriety. But that shit does repress a whole lot. I'm 25 too and have zero sex drive tho us females tend to not be as revved as you gentlemen , zero ups, you know those euphoric happy moments when sober? I'm just baseline blah, which makes me want off it but I know relapse is waiting to get me. I keep having those random run ins with pill users or heroin peeps and I have took a few days off to binge but it still doesn't feel right with zero bupe in me. I gotta make this work, it honestly is my last opportunity the parents are willing to help with, if I fucking up and get caught or something off the chain happens, I'm homeless, for the 3rd round. DAMN LOVABLE OPIATES!!!!

 

[Erikmen]

naturally i feel things very deeply; pain, happiness, sadness, etc. but on heroin, as all of you probably know i didnt feel any thing deeply, if anything at all. walk right up to a girl talk to her and even sometimes get a date.

the things that get me jealous now when im sober, only got me a liiitle jealous when i was high and that only lasted for a few minutes before i forgot about it.

without drugs, i feel useless. i'm talking about any drug. adderall, klonopin, heroin, all sorts of opiates. i feel like i cant and dont want to do anything when i am not on them. i never have any real motivation to do anything when i'm sober. the reward system in my brain is fucked up and drugs are the only thing that cures it.

my life on heroin was great. i started a new great paying job, was going to the gym, getting girls numbers. it was great. the only thing i hated about it is the stigma of "oh you do heroin! junkie!".

This is pretty normal and most people I know including me goes though different phases until you can feel something resembling normal. This will go away as you recover your endorphin.

It helps if you start to go to meetings AA, NA it does matter which one. And as difficult as this may sound right now try to exercise this with time will help you feel better.

When we quit we are low on dopamine and can't think of how things could get better as we keep comparing with times we'd been using and of course that will always fail.

Keep up with the abstinence though. It will get better or people wouldn't stop at all.

Good luck!