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Feel that neither drug use nor sobriety work for me

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washingtonbound

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Joined
Aug 19, 2013
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I’m wondering if anyone else experiences this; I feel that I don’t get much out of taking drugs anymore but at the same time I dislike sobriety/being around sober people. I’ve tried everything besides some of the weird research chemicals and there’s really nothing that does it for me anymore. I used to really enjoy psychedelics (particularly lsd and ketamine) on a monthly or bimonthly basis but unfortunately I experienced psychosis from that a few times so I can’t comfortably take them anymore. I used to like taking Xanax sometimes but I’ve seen people experience hell on earth from withdrawing from that and ever since lil peep died I can’t comfortably take it anymore. I really don’t like stimulants like coke and molly because of what it does to my heart rate and I start feeling really jittery and anxious on stems in general. Even drinking is a bad experience for me now and I get throbbing headaches and sometimes experience suicidal thoughts. So in general i feel that substances don’t do much for me anymore but at the same time I’m pretty miserable sober. Being around people that are stone cold sober is really awkward and uncomfortable for me. I especially don’t like being around people who used to have substance abuse problems because a lot of them constantly yap about how great it is to be sober and trying to convince themselves. Just wondering if other people get a similar feeling of not getting much out of drugs or sobriety.
 
I honestly know EXACTLY what you're talking about.

I feel pretty similarly to your overarching feelings, described in the first couple of sentences, even if I don't feel the same specific feelings towards specific substances as you do.
 
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I’m in decent shape and I stretch a lot and occasionally go to the gym but I don’t really bust my ass or anything. I’m definitely not sedentary.
 
Yea I think it’s just a matter of when you try just about everything a few times you start to kinda wonder what you’re getting out of continued use. The third time I had psychosis from I acid I landed myself in rehab and I ended up talking to this guy who was very similar to me. We talked about the drugs we did and after a while I thought: man this is really boring. There’s just not much that I feel I can get from continued use. But like I said being around totally sober people doesn’t spark my interest cause I’m not really able to relate to them well.
 
I feel you man, being high just makes me numb, and sober I'm pretty regularly depressed. I'll take the depression over the numbness any day though.
 
From time to time, I feel that way. It isn't consistent, and it isn't exact. But similar to how you expressed it. How long have you actually been sober?
 
I agree with your sentiment very much after a decade of hard drugs and moderate psych use. Except for the fact that I still greatly enjoy hard drugs....the consequences such as withdrawal nand comedowms are what keep making them non practical and just something i fantasize about daily but only use 1x a week or so by extreme will power

Pshchs I greatly enjoy on a more hindsight level. They are not fun though 70 percent of the time during the high.

Have u tried micro dosing acid or weekly KET use? Psychs are good regularly if they are use in very conservative doses.

Being sober is a nightmare. Not so much all the time...but if u are sober and have no drugs to look forward to Friday night 1x per week
 
Basically I moved back in with my parents four months ago and drug use of any kind was certainly not worth the risk as it was very possible for me to end up homeless or in rehab like what happened to me after acid psychosis. Now that I’m going back to college I have the option to use again but like I was saying there isn’t much that does it for me anymore. I figure i will probably just smoke weed socially but if i really don’t enjoy it I’ll stop. I know I definitely need to lay off the acid and ketamine for a while (my previous DOCs)
 
I forgot to mention opiates. I found an old bottle of 5mg oxycodone and took three of them. It honestly made me feel like I had too much coffee as I got jittery and uncomfortable like I do on stimulants. I’ve also tried opiates in the past with similar results. I’m one of those people that opiates hype up but really in a good way.
 
Honestly if I had the money I’d like to go to a ketamine clinic but at the moment I haven’t really considered it. I took what I presumed to be ketamine about a year and a half ago and experienced a terrible psychotic episode that landed me in the hospital. I presume that it wasn’t even 100% ket. Therefore I would prefer not to get it unless it’s from a doctor.
 
I don’t know if you guys have experience with Kratom and whether or not that would be something useful to try. That is one of the only things I’ve tried that people have said positive things about. Although I’m not a big opiate person so I don’t know if I’d like it cause I’ve heard from some people that it’s similar.
 
Maybe take drugs as a "treat" then, a rare indulgence. For many things (esp. drugs like MDMA or LSD) this might help.

Drugs should be an appetizer in terms of your overall happiness, not the main course. :) It sounds to me like you need to find some personal fulfillment and purpose. If drugs don't do it for ya than look elsewhere. We're all in the same boat, struggling to find meaning in this cruel joke without a punchline we call "life" ;)
 
washingtonbound said:
I don’t know if you guys have experience with Kratom and whether or not that would be something useful to try. That is one of the only things I’ve tried that people have said positive things about. Although I’m not a big opiate person so I don’t know if I’d like it cause I’ve heard from some people that it’s similar.
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If you don’t particularly enjoy opioids then you probably won’t particularly enjoy kratom either, though it is different in certain ways. Kratom is a little more stimulating than other opioids, and overdoing it can cause some really nasty effects such as anxiety, shaking, blurred vision, and even tremors.

That being said, I use it daily and it’s the only thing that keeps me motivated enough to make good on all my responsibilities. I kind of understand how you feel, and I think it tends to come with age for a lot of people. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve lost interest and enjoyment with a lot of drugs I used to like. There’s just too much negative that comes with most of them, and yet I too am miserable totally sober.

Kratom is harmless and it seems to take a very long time to develop physical dependency; it doesn’t fuck with your inhibitions or your ability to do anything. It’s a very functional “drug.” I’d recommend giving it a shot. Maybe it’s just what you’re looking for, who knows.
 
As a “functional” drug, I’ve always wanted to try chewing khat, but it’s nearly non existent in the US
 
I hear its use is widespread in vacation hotspots like Yemen and Somalia though
 
Kratom will worsen your mood if you use it daily in my opinion and experience....great at first but after a few months manic mood swings
 
LucidSDreamr said:
Kratom will worsen your mood if you use it daily in my opinion and experience....great at first but after a few months manic mood swings
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I find that rather than give me mood swings, it tends to just leave me “blah” and emotionless after the dose starts to wear off. Definitely a sort of depression, but the exact opposite of manic.
 
Im completely with you on that thought. I stopped useing everything today is 69 days. I fucking hate it i dont want to be around anyone, i have no motivation/energy and im completly depressed.

On the flip side when im getting high i completly ruin my life and everyone elses.. at least i talk to people when im fucked up tho. When im sober i just sit in bed all day
 
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