Feel Lonely/Displaced and Could Use Advice

[washingtonbound]

I have been struggling a fair amount recently because I don't feel as if I have any intimacy in my relationships. This goes for my friendships, relationships with women, etc. I feel very displaced because the area I live in (SW FL) is filled with close minded people who live a groundhog day life of drinking, going to the beach, and drinking some more. I would love to find people to share more meaningful experiences with but it seems like I am dealing with the runt of the litter here. I try not to be a judgmental person, and I still get out and socialize a lot despite my reservations but at the end of the day I can't help but feel like something's missing. I lived in Seattle for a year while I was going to school and I had a brief relationship with a free spirited/artsy type that ended horrifically due to the fact that she had a boyfriend at home I didn't know about among other things. Long story short, that experience has left me tainted on the process of initiating intimacy with others because there is always that lingering feeling in my gut that reminds me how miserable it is when things fall out. Yet I still long for someone special in my life that I can spill my guts to with no reservation even though my environment does not seem to warrant it. My question is how do I go about finding someone with that free spirit while not letting the process take a toll on my well being. I wish I could be content with solitude, but humans are simply not wired that way. Any advice is appreciated.

 

[Teabag Johnny]

I believe you may have the strength to become highly creative & start going to unique places to meet interesting people.

You have to take chances in life, if you want any kind of fulfillment. I think you have what it takes.

Use the power of your positive mind set to push you through the negative moments in your life. After all, if you concentrate on all the goods you have & stop focusing on one or a few negative particular things..... Then, it really ain't that bad.

I mean, you can even be appreciative of just having your arms & legs, eating food, and even having the ability to breathe air. Once you get to this level of spirituality, you can be unstoppable

 

[Journyman16]

First I think, don't go looking. Work on getting some meaning into your life and the person you need in your life will come along. Try volunteering at an old folks home or maybe at a place where special kids are looked after - you could drive the bus to take them places or read them stories or help with their sports days or serve meals in the cafeteria.

It may sound out of left field but it will help you feel good, feel better about yourself, and let you meet people different to those you currently run into. It will help you re-engage with the world around and you will treasure some of those moments till the day you die.

 

[vincubus]

Hmmmm....seems you want to cage a free spirit. you are certainly conflicted.

i will tell you a sad truth: the only path to growth, is suffering. to love a free spirit is to do so in each moment, enjoying each moment since that moment could easily be the last you spend together. she/he will teach you, but you have to pay that aweful price for the learning.

 

[washingtonbound]

I appreciate the responses guys. One issue I have is that I set extremely high standards myself and the same goes for my external environment. If I feel that my day to day routine is not as fulfilling as it should be, it causes me to feel pretty melancholy. In regards to volunteering to help fill this void, one problem is that I live in a remote area where there are limited opportunities. Secondly, I have a pretty mundane job at a retail store so when I have time off I like to spend it on my hobbies. I suppose I'm really just looking for like minded people in an area that isn't cut out for it. I am trying to make it work, but sometimes it's difficult.

 

[pofacedhoe]

hmm love can go shit sometimes. accept it if you want it again.

find some new hobbies and look for the good things or move somewhere better...

 

[P.o.T.u.S]

It seems to me that you are projecting whats inside of you onto your external enviroment.consciousness creates reality if u feel like you are missing something on the inside it most definitely will feel like you are missing something on the outside. Work on yourself,that wound will heal dont fill it with love from another.fill it with love from yourself

 

[Mariposa]

Getting burned really sucks. Also, moving from (essentially) the tropics to a cold, wet, rainy place takes its toll. You're not abnormal for feeling that way.

I know what worked for me in a similar situation was that I concentrated on my work, my family, and my friends rather than jumping into a relationship. I also know what did not work in my past, and that was jumping into a rebound fling. There are loads of people who *are* emotionally available. Don't give up!

 

[washingtonbound]

Just to clarify I am now back in the tropics in the middle of nowhere and that is a big part of the problem. But like another poster said, it's the void inside myself that's the problem.

 

[sinclair1984]

I think that you just have to accept that anytime you open yourself up you can be hurt. And will. To me it's worth it even though there's always pain and everyone has baggage.