Lady Codone
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 6, 2008
- Messages
- 2,132
I started using Etizolam not knowing the full extent of the risks. I'd only used benzos for legit anxiety once or twice a year when I flew.
I quickly got in the habit of daily use that went on for a year. It was cheap and available, so why not? It helped me sleep after using stimulants and was kind of fun for a while. During that time however, I slowly started noticing a decline in my physical and mental health. My periods became EXTREMELY painful, I gained 15 lbs, was depressed all the time and even went to the ER for severe constipation/back pain. My bodily functions were grinding to a halt, but why?
After an ultrasound and CT scan, I was given a vague diagnosis and sent home from the ER with some lortabs and no real answers. Fast forward a few months and it was only getting worse. I went on birth control for two months and quit kratom to see if things would improve. No such luck.
Meanwhile, I was binging on etizolam and staying up for days; 5-15 mg at a time on the weekends. The mania was intense. I avoided sleep until I was having vivid open-eye hallucinations. (This was my first "real" bout with mania. Even when staying up for days on stimulants I've never hallucinated or felt so invincible--or so terrible afterward). 4-FA + etizolam is an intensely pleasurable - and insidious - combo.
When I finally realized that etizolam could be the culprit (that's a whole other story), I quit cold turkey after a large binge. Enter the 7th Circle of Hell. I've never felt closer to suicide. The hypochondria, anxiety and insomnia were terrible. I had to stare at my own arm for several minutes to realize it was a part of my body. My stomach was in knots; the cold chills were too much. My muscles jerked and convulsed wildly and my sleep was riddled with nightmares. Every morning was welcomed with a severe panic attack upon waking like I'd spent the night running from a knife-wielding psycho. "What if this feeling never goes away? Suicide is the only answer..."
The worst thing about etizolam dependence (and perhaps all benzos) is that they cloud your thinking so you don't realize WHY you feel so shitty. Then when you quit, you feel even shittier for a while. I believed with all my heart I had cancer or bipolar disorder when it was really just etizolam withdrawal.
Been off etizolam for two weeks now. I'm slowly starting to feel like my old self again--my bowels have resumed normal functioning for the first time in a YEAR and my moods are much lighter. Time will tell if the other symptoms go away or not.
For whatever reason, etizolam seems to have affected my hormones in a seriously negative way. It's more than just a mind-fuck or psychological addiction. This stuff is beyond dangerous when used irresponsibly. Perhaps there's a reason it's not prescribed in the U.S?
I quickly got in the habit of daily use that went on for a year. It was cheap and available, so why not? It helped me sleep after using stimulants and was kind of fun for a while. During that time however, I slowly started noticing a decline in my physical and mental health. My periods became EXTREMELY painful, I gained 15 lbs, was depressed all the time and even went to the ER for severe constipation/back pain. My bodily functions were grinding to a halt, but why?
After an ultrasound and CT scan, I was given a vague diagnosis and sent home from the ER with some lortabs and no real answers. Fast forward a few months and it was only getting worse. I went on birth control for two months and quit kratom to see if things would improve. No such luck.
Meanwhile, I was binging on etizolam and staying up for days; 5-15 mg at a time on the weekends. The mania was intense. I avoided sleep until I was having vivid open-eye hallucinations. (This was my first "real" bout with mania. Even when staying up for days on stimulants I've never hallucinated or felt so invincible--or so terrible afterward). 4-FA + etizolam is an intensely pleasurable - and insidious - combo.
When I finally realized that etizolam could be the culprit (that's a whole other story), I quit cold turkey after a large binge. Enter the 7th Circle of Hell. I've never felt closer to suicide. The hypochondria, anxiety and insomnia were terrible. I had to stare at my own arm for several minutes to realize it was a part of my body. My stomach was in knots; the cold chills were too much. My muscles jerked and convulsed wildly and my sleep was riddled with nightmares. Every morning was welcomed with a severe panic attack upon waking like I'd spent the night running from a knife-wielding psycho. "What if this feeling never goes away? Suicide is the only answer..."
The worst thing about etizolam dependence (and perhaps all benzos) is that they cloud your thinking so you don't realize WHY you feel so shitty. Then when you quit, you feel even shittier for a while. I believed with all my heart I had cancer or bipolar disorder when it was really just etizolam withdrawal.
Been off etizolam for two weeks now. I'm slowly starting to feel like my old self again--my bowels have resumed normal functioning for the first time in a YEAR and my moods are much lighter. Time will tell if the other symptoms go away or not.
For whatever reason, etizolam seems to have affected my hormones in a seriously negative way. It's more than just a mind-fuck or psychological addiction. This stuff is beyond dangerous when used irresponsibly. Perhaps there's a reason it's not prescribed in the U.S?
