Well it’s really very simple actually.
There is only go deeper, feel less at ease gradually and continually on the same dose forever, or start getting used to paying back the debt now, endure today for an easier one day, and it’s a long haul.
The only sensible plan is to fully taper and stop, in a controlled and safe manner, see it through.
My trouble is the extreme, non drug related, health condition related anxiety and panic disorder which I began using the Etiz for 2 years ago as literally a life saving intervention then.
I need environmental security and all the support.
I’m forced to live with my mum due to complex abnormal health conditions.
My mum is the chief cause of my anxiety already, and she has had a full mental and emotional breakdown herself over the last 10 months, and is as neurotic and unpredictable, prone to rage and mood swings as a lady can be.
We are also polar opposites astrologically, very incompatible in that regard.
I’m a Pisces Monkey.
My Mum is a Sagittarius Ox. The fiery, indignant bull in the China shop vs the laughing, calm sensitive and playful water.
Last Thursday was the peak of all time. I was forced into the worst arguments we have ever had. I had no escape. I try to go into my room, the only safe place here (you see my problem), and my mum not being at all well, really quite psychotic but nobody can tell her that and the mentally ill person can never see themself ofc, will never leave it be, me closing my door and just trying to stop the rot is an invitation she takes to really shout the door down “little 2 year old…this…that,,.every little thing ever done, said, this day, last year, however normal, innocent, comes up as evidence in court.
I know she can’t help it, but neither can my nerves.
I’ve had a real nervous breakdown now. I can’t bear a single sound my mum generates. Not a floorboard, a cough, a word.
Let alone sight, and thought. My nerves are so heavily conditioned now to react with terror.
I can’t really eat or sleep and am basically avoiding all exposure I can which means not stepping outside my bedroom unless essential.
So it’s really the least favourable living situation atm for me to attempt such a grand task of reducing this level of psychological dependence on Etiz, with the whole physical side in addition.
Catch 22 atm. I need a solution because I’m losing weight fast, too hungry and anxious to sleep and the nervous breakdown is traumatic and there is no real focus.