Ego Softening?

[OTGee]

Hey, with my use of psychedelics I feel as if it has softened my ego a lot, to the point were the ego is hardly there. This has its benifits for being a greater person overall but I have to say, its made me pretty rubbish in social situations, less motivation and all the other things that come with having less of an ego. I kind of 'want' to be a bit more egotistic and just a bit more ignorant, does anyone get me? I feel as if I am way too un-ignorant (I know that is not a word) for the majority or people, even people I used to connect with and be friends with. I just feel like I have to much empathy and compassion and feeling/emotion inside of me, maybe I need a way to vent this?

I mean I never used to get emotional at films apart from when I watched the pursuit of happiness haha but, now a days I am seen fucking crying at some stupid chick flick because I just feel so much sympathy for every single thing lol, I am like a normal regular guy who likes hip hop music, has a fiancee etc etc not at all feminine or emotional but not a big manly man either (Maybe in my own head I would like to think of myself as one haha). I cant really explain this change that seems to have happend, to summarise. I just have a huge increase in empathy, sympathy, emotions/feelings and not enough ego to make myself feel good. I also have increased anxiety / social problems as I have no image of my positive self imprinted in my brain, it is kind of like the ego softening has created depersonlization for myself and I can only look inside myself for negatives so I dont look inside myself

I cant deal with situations as easily as well, I get stressed so easily and/or emotional. If me and my fiancee fight which we hardly hardly hardly ever do, I cant take it and start either punching walls and shouting or crying and being so so so pathetic for a boy lol. Its just like I cant help it, my emotions overwhelm me if you understand? Maybe? anyone lol?

Maybe ive spent too long with just weed and psychedelics + the occasional downer. Maybe I need to go find me some coke or another 'feel good' drug and just have a few different expereinces. Oh and btw, I haven't tripped in like a month and before that for like 2 months. It is not a serious problem, I am still in search of the psychedelic 'it' and will not stop. It could have nothing to do with psychedelics all these problems as well, oh and im not just over worrying and creating a placebo, if I am I am doing sub-consciously.

 

[the wheat's gotta]

Funny I just realized that you're the one who wrote the methoxetamine trip report I'm about to read.

All I can say with confidence is that you have gained enormous sympathy (treat it as a gift maybe), the force that compares yourself with others is your ego (so it is not dead), and personally I would stay sober for a while and try to improve what you want to improve.

I have had bad confidence and social skills since middle school and I had hoped that psychedelics might help me with this someday, not in a direct way but I believe if I come to know myself better I will be less anxious and more fluid when expressing myself. I also have had above average sympathy all my life, I just appreciate it. What does help with controlling my bad emotions and confidence is meditation and buddhist reading. It's incredibly slow and requires more patience than I have sometimes but I am noticing small improvements.

Cheer up you have a fiance. Can't be that bad.

 

[christos asbestis]

this had happened to me before, and it was awful. first things first i would stay away from heavy indicas which i would probably smoke alone in the darkness or in veeery special occasions like a movie or something. i would stay at sativa spectrum if i had to ingest any cannabis at all. then take a break from yourself and realize that what happened is that you grew spiritualy way too fast. your previous ego-structures responsible for your coping mechanisms inside society proved to be foreign things so you abandoned them. but this doesnt mean that its over. this is when the real work begins. now you have to build your self through experience, self-help reading, concious mimicking (of things which are parts of your general idiosyncracy) of other people's mechanisms or just general feelings-sensations inside your head or body. your broke your old walls and now you have to build your own. almost brick by brick. read live eat helthy excercise push yourself to random socializing until you find your core confidence. until now you' ve deleted everything that stopped you from reaching your core confidence. now you are free to "cultivate" it (it is already inside you).

your ego didnt die at all. the empathy and the compassion from a non egotistical place are much more detached and fulfilling. if you suffer from your ego loss then there is still an egotistical mind on full-on mode. but now instead of being attached to the competitive side of things it is attached to whatever you call "ego-softening" type of being. to not be attached means to not be attached. even to non-attachement itself. it cannot be explained. it can be felt only.

i hope it helped. also keep in mind that all those things are steps in the process of realizing the self. maybe it was too quick for you to handle. once in 2 or even worse 1 month is kinda a lot. couldnt handle the 4 in one year psychedelic experiences. when it was frequent it was the time where those things were happening. and it was like too much lessons for my soul to handle.

the plan is like this: experience -> integration -> rest -> expansion (through reading new activities etc) then, experience again. stick to that.

greater things are coming for your soul. take a rest for now.

peace.

 

[Help?!?!]

This is what the world needs! You've been opened and even though it seems hard, oh well. It's just others aren't like that so you have to be mentally strong. There's a difference between being confident, egotistical, and non ego. You can be non ego and be strong in a sense. It's all about balance, in all things always. Keep being you, don't just change because others aren't like you. You didn't say that but who cares if your a kind, empathetic human who can sense others pain, we need that. It makes you special.... Just find the balance between laying down and standing up(strength).

You just need to fix your problems and find the zen. The mixture. Try talking to a therapist...