Dysphoric
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2010
- Messages
- 392
I'm making this very quickly, so it might seem a little disorganized.
Lately I've been suffering from really bad OCD. For example, I recently have gotten so bad that I throw silverware in the sink as if it were dirty if I didn't do something properly with it (this can be countless pieces before I get it right) I also recently threw out a little more than half a loaf of bread because I didn't pull it out of the bag properly.
Now my triggers for anxiety/OCD are sickness. I'm afraid of getting sick in general, but I'm very scared of getting the flu and that's a whole other problem on its own. My fear of getting the flu has been going on since about late 2011 out of nowhere. I used to be the kind of person who could handle money and not wash my hands before eating with them (pre-2011). And now for whatever fucking reason I'm so scared of it. I go as far as avoiding my friends, or any public places through-out the winter season to avoid the constant anxiety that I might have contracted the virus after doing so. And if I do hang out with my friends I end up avoiding close contact which I'm sure makes them uncomfortable.
Moving onto the next subject, anxiety. So not only do I have intense anxiety over getting ill, but I've also started suffering from cardiophobia late 2009. I'm afraid of feeling anything on the scale of tachycardia or anything of that sort even after a nice run I can get brief anxiety because of how hard and fast might heart is pounding. It makes me extremely uncomfortable, I think this all started after my use of prescription stimulants, although nothing traumatic happened I think they just made me more aware of my heart. I also suffer from the dreaded what-ifs. This one makes lots of new things uncomfortable for me, mainly putting new things in my body, even things that could potentially help me.
Next subject, Dysthymia & Apathy. I've also been dealing with this one since about 2010. I might like to mention that all this including the above seemed to coincidentally happen after my use of prescription amphetamines. To me everything has a black and white filter covering my perception -- things seem to be missing the warmth everything once had. I also feel emotionally flat, and have little empathy compared to what I used to have. I just feel like a robot, I even have a hard time crying even when I feel like I should be. I can still feel some ups occasionally, but they're very short lived and not like they used to be. I would say that the dysthymia is somewhat akin to anhedonia, which is used often here. Lastly the apathy is the worst, everything that isn't video games or hanging out with friends feels like a rigorous chore. Surprisingly I'm still doing good in school even with this issue, but it still takes a lot from me to get started on things more so than it should.
Last few words. I eat healthy, I get about 30-60min of moderate exercise daily, and I get about 7-9 hours of sleep daily, I take 2000 units of Vitamin D daily, multi-vitamins and L-theanine 200-400mgs daily. I was also recently prescribed Zoloft (mainly so I could get a benzo for anxiety. Doc won't give them to me for first line anxiety treatment. Just having them and not taking them makes me feel better), but I've always been against SSRI's due to lots of reasons. Some big ones being that I already have a lot of the side effects that are caused by SSRI's like flat mood, apathy, lower libido, etc which I don't need to have even more impaired. Not to mention I wouldn't quite consider myself depressed like how its described, it just feels different. I'd rather use such medication as a last resort. I've been curious if monoaminergic precursors could help a lot.
Anyways, I realize you guys aren't supposed to prescribe me treatments, but I'd still like to hear what could be useful. So don't hold back any hypothetical suggestions whether they be supplements or meds.
Lately I've been suffering from really bad OCD. For example, I recently have gotten so bad that I throw silverware in the sink as if it were dirty if I didn't do something properly with it (this can be countless pieces before I get it right) I also recently threw out a little more than half a loaf of bread because I didn't pull it out of the bag properly.
Now my triggers for anxiety/OCD are sickness. I'm afraid of getting sick in general, but I'm very scared of getting the flu and that's a whole other problem on its own. My fear of getting the flu has been going on since about late 2011 out of nowhere. I used to be the kind of person who could handle money and not wash my hands before eating with them (pre-2011). And now for whatever fucking reason I'm so scared of it. I go as far as avoiding my friends, or any public places through-out the winter season to avoid the constant anxiety that I might have contracted the virus after doing so. And if I do hang out with my friends I end up avoiding close contact which I'm sure makes them uncomfortable. Moving onto the next subject, anxiety. So not only do I have intense anxiety over getting ill, but I've also started suffering from cardiophobia late 2009. I'm afraid of feeling anything on the scale of tachycardia or anything of that sort even after a nice run I can get brief anxiety because of how hard and fast might heart is pounding. It makes me extremely uncomfortable, I think this all started after my use of prescription stimulants, although nothing traumatic happened I think they just made me more aware of my heart. I also suffer from the dreaded what-ifs. This one makes lots of new things uncomfortable for me, mainly putting new things in my body, even things that could potentially help me.
Next subject, Dysthymia & Apathy. I've also been dealing with this one since about 2010. I might like to mention that all this including the above seemed to coincidentally happen after my use of prescription amphetamines. To me everything has a black and white filter covering my perception -- things seem to be missing the warmth everything once had. I also feel emotionally flat, and have little empathy compared to what I used to have. I just feel like a robot, I even have a hard time crying even when I feel like I should be. I can still feel some ups occasionally, but they're very short lived and not like they used to be. I would say that the dysthymia is somewhat akin to anhedonia, which is used often here. Lastly the apathy is the worst, everything that isn't video games or hanging out with friends feels like a rigorous chore. Surprisingly I'm still doing good in school even with this issue, but it still takes a lot from me to get started on things more so than it should.
Last few words. I eat healthy, I get about 30-60min of moderate exercise daily, and I get about 7-9 hours of sleep daily, I take 2000 units of Vitamin D daily, multi-vitamins and L-theanine 200-400mgs daily. I was also recently prescribed Zoloft (mainly so I could get a benzo for anxiety. Doc won't give them to me for first line anxiety treatment. Just having them and not taking them makes me feel better), but I've always been against SSRI's due to lots of reasons. Some big ones being that I already have a lot of the side effects that are caused by SSRI's like flat mood, apathy, lower libido, etc which I don't need to have even more impaired. Not to mention I wouldn't quite consider myself depressed like how its described, it just feels different. I'd rather use such medication as a last resort. I've been curious if monoaminergic precursors could help a lot.
Anyways, I realize you guys aren't supposed to prescribe me treatments, but I'd still like to hear what could be useful. So don't hold back any hypothetical suggestions whether they be supplements or meds.
