Done with it all

[greenlight204]

Psychedelics ruined my life. Now I think I have to be on medication forever. I have completely lost hope and am ready to give up. It’s not right that’s this happened to me. I can’t make sense of any of it and it’s tearing me down into the worst rock bottom I’ve ever had. Now that I’m off of my anti psychotics for a while I can’t function. I can’t bring myself to do anything, to talk to people, to get out of bed. Weirdly enough this still happened to me when I was ON it.

I’m over it all. At this point I’m ready for a new existence. I don’t want to cope with life on medication with god awful side effects just to barely scrape by. I was an honor roll college student. One summer of drugs and I’m paying for it years later. It makes NO sense!!! All my peers are living their greatest lives and here I am trying to wake up one day and have this mental battle be fixed. To no avail. I’ve completely given up I’ve tried it ALL. Literally it all. No one wants me around whether I’m medicated or not. I don’t even know what I struggle with anymore just that I cannot do this shitty life.

 

[deficiT]

Psychedelics ruined my life. Now I think I have to be on medication forever. I have completely lost hope and am ready to give up. It’s not right that’s this happened to me. I can’t make sense of any of it and it’s tearing me down into the worst rock bottom I’ve ever had. Now that I’m off of my anti psychotics for a while I can’t function. I can’t bring myself to do anything, to talk to people, to get out of bed. Weirdly enough this still happened to me when I was ON it.

I’m over it all. At this point I’m ready for a new existence. I don’t want to cope with life on medication with god awful side effects just to barely scrape by. I was an honor roll college student. One summer of drugs and I’m paying for it years later. It makes NO sense!!! All my peers are living their greatest lives and here I am trying to wake up one day and have this mental battle be fixed. To no avail. I’ve completely given up I’ve tried it ALL. Literally it all. No one wants me around whether I’m medicated or not. I don’t even know what I struggle with anymore just that I cannot do this shitty life.

Yo, I am right in the trenches with you. God bless you. Shit is tough. I have these impulse control issues, and can go into rages about the smallest shit, and it freaks my fam out. But being on the meds to me was such a nothing existence. I feel I just need my brain to free of everything and try to heal.

I have ideation many days of the week, and think about it idly often. But there are still great moments and happy days, even after the awful past 3 years I've had. I don't know if I can get into it right now, but if you ever need someone to talk to, please feel free to DM me.

Reaching out is the first line of defense, which you've basically done by making this thread. See, your body is in survival mode. You want to live. Things can get better. Long though the months of depression may seem.

 

[Mysterie]

i heavily abused psychedelics for over a year and it culminated with a hectic acid trip and becoming psychotic and being in psychiatric institution for a few weeks.

i was involuntarily admitted to the psych ward again, a few years later, all i did was smoking some weed i thought was fire!
psychiatrist at the psych ward says i have bipolar disorder.

i said fuck that, she doesn't know me who the fuck does she think she is.
i left the ward and didnt take any of the medication, i didn't trust it or the western medical model very much.

a few years after that (i'm 30 now), i chose to see a psychiatrist, they prescribed me an anti-psychotic that has very minimal side effects for me.
i had heard about an antidepressant wellbutrin from americans, its just used for smoking cessation in australia usually.
and it has made such a difference. i really wasn't existing very much before then, scraping by, surviving, escaping, numbing.
now i'm treating.

now i'm pursuing a good dr who can be my dr and help me with prescribing medication for my complex mental health issues.

just to say, you sound like your in your mid-20s or so, don't close the chapter on life because things can change for the better,
and if you see it, feel it and believe it, you can do it, i believe in you.

 

[Heroes Inc.]

i heavily abused psychedelics for over a year and it culminated with a hectic acid trip and becoming psychotic and being in psychiatric institution for a few weeks.

i was involuntarily admitted to the psych ward again, a few years later, all i did was smoking some weed i thought was fire!
psychiatrist at the psych ward says i have bipolar disorder.

i said fuck that, she doesn't know me who the fuck does she think she is.
i left the ward and didnt take any of the medication, i didn't trust it or the western medical model very much.

a few years after that (i'm 30 now), i chose to see a psychiatrist, they prescribed me an anti-psychotic that has very minimal side effects for me.
i had heard about an antidepressant wellbutrin from americans, its just used for smoking cessation in australia usually.
and it has made such a difference. i really wasn't existing very much before then, scraping by, surviving, escaping, numbing.
now i'm treating.

now i'm pursuing a good dr who can be my dr and help me with prescribing medication for my complex mental health issues.

just to say, you sound like your in your mid-20s or so, don't close the chapter on life because things can change for the better,
and if you see it, feel it and believe it, you can do it, i believe in you.

That was beautiful. If you are here, it’s for one reason: you are choosing to FIGHT.

 

[Eligiu]

I don't have MH problems because of psychedelic drugs, but I have attempted suicide half a dozen times for various MH issues. And part of it has as I got older been to do with struggling with addiction.

I can't say my life is perfect now, but this did improve. It's still really hard. But I have more good days than I use to.

I hope you find some people here to talk to. We're here if you need it

 

[greenlight204]

I really appreciate all the support, right back at all of you.

It doesn't get easier unfortunately. I fondly remember a time I could function at my best with no issues. Having to rely on pills has fucked my confidence and my mojo up beyond belief. I really can imagine and feel a way out of this, and it feels like the old way, but at best it feels like an impossible fever dream I just pray miraculously for one day.

I don't think I'll ever get better tbh. I am barely making it through a single day. I used to be the happiest, no issues person... every day is a struggle.

I have zero motivation but reach out to me too, I am around

 

[lumolabo]

u are sweet. Can you keep this thread updated every day or every 2 or 3 days? up to u...
i am following you, and i actually feel like you know me, but you dont know it yet. trust me, just do the updating in this thread about how u feel (even if its sad, angry , manicly happy (sp?) and then you will get it.. you will be amazed. can u promise us that?

 

[naoaguento]

Takes a while to your brain recovery after antipsychotics use. Hold on, it's gonna get better.

 

[AlphaMethylPhenyl]

In the best way possible, big and positive changes are usually hard-won. Keep working at it where you can. Try to set your gaze on some future objectives and keep to them. It is realistic!