Do you know people who are selfish and don't know how to be actual friends?

[questions I have]

Is it pretty common that some people don't know how to be friends and are very self-centered?

If you're reading this what are some examples of people doing this to you?

Or people who you were friends with for years or even decades who just out of nowhere stop talking to you and being your friend?

Please move this to SLR.

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

Moving to SLR as requested.

 

[JessFR]

I didn't wanna believe it, but yea, I'm really starting to think that most people really are like that, increasingly I feel like my ideas of being a good person and good to other people are somewhat uncommon sadly.

I've seen it many more times than not, and it seems more common the more people try to fit into the mainstream. Selfish, shallow, ignorant, stupid, and generally with a complete lack of any concept of what should and shouldn't have value in life.

Simple basic stuff like charity over greed, modesty over showing off, people over possessions.

I've seen enormously long friendships thrown away over the prettiest of problems caused simply by the others selfishness and total lack of awareness that they're selfish.

This is why I try to hang around people as fucked up as I am, they're more likely to have some level of perspective.

 

[-=SS=-]

I've found friendships to be quite fleeting, though going through the school system and general rapid cultural nonsense doesn't help. When things shift and change so rapidly is it any wonder that we don't know how to value and create sustainable friendships? Gone are the days when you lived in one village or town and spend years getting to form strong bonds. Modern life is transitory.

I think modern society has crushed a lot of spirit out of many people, and broken adults tend to breed broken children. No one wants to be a selfish dick. Sooner or later they'll realize they've made a mistake and pushed people away with their personality. Have sympathy for them. We all want to be loved and have true friendships really.

 

[Bearlove]

Is it pretty common that some people don't know how to be friends and are very self-centered?

If you're reading this what are some examples of people doing this to you?

Or people who you were friends with for years or even decades who just out of nowhere stop talking to you and being your friend?

Please move this to SLR.

I think its becoming more common as people are used to living online - they would much rather "like" 10 of your posts than going out with you for a coffee, walk etc - people forget the importance of physical interaction and how much that builds/effects a friendship. When you also add into the mix drugs then the social interactions can get a bit messed up (If I'm on a comedown after 5 days awake - I do not want to go for a walk in a forest) so timing is also important.

I cut contact with somebody I thought was my BFF, IMHO they put my life in danger (I was left with a bunch of random people when I was unable to look after myself) looking back on this I can understand the situation - BUT I was unable at that time to look after myself.

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

I think its becoming more common as people are used to living online - they would much rather "like" 10 of your posts than going out with you for a coffee, walk etc - people forget the importance of physical interaction and how much that builds/effects a friendship. When you also add into the mix drugs then the social interactions can get a bit messed up (If I'm on a comedown after 5 days awake - I do not want to go for a walk in a forest) so timing is also important.

I cut contact with somebody I thought was my BFF, IMHO they put my life in danger (I was left with a bunch of random people when I was unable to look after myself) looking back on this I can understand the situation - BUT I was unable at that time to look after myself.

I've noticed this as well too. It's very odd, and I have friends that I've known since highschool and college for decades who live close to me will 'like' stuff I put on social media sites, and chat with me there via text. But when it comes to actually getting together to do things socially, or even talking on the phone...they're not into doing that, or become total flakes and do not follow through on their end. I've tried enough times with these people, and they know how to contact me to get together socially, so if they want to they can.

I also had one now ex-friend that I've known since I was a teenager, been to countless live concerts, camping/vacation trips, bars, and parties with, and went to his wedding. Out of nowhere he decided he no longer wanted to be friends with me so I figure it's his loss.

 

[JessFR]

I hate social media and refuse to use it and this is one of several reasons.

My perception of social media is that rather than increase connections with people, it largely cuts them off.
People are together, and they're talking, but largely they're talking about themselves to the people whom are also talking about themselves.

I also feel it creates a totally unrealistic perception of reality, because virtually everyone is trying portray themselves as perfect and without any issues of their own, and so to people with issues, often including those that pretend they have none, fall into the skewed belief that they're the only one and feeling even more alone.

The internet should be enhancing our real life social lives but instead it's damaging them.

 

[pofacedhoe]

all relationships/friendships wax and wane if its good even after a break it will still work



if they keep taking and not giving i get bored and more on.

also i cant stand bossy pushy dickheads.

people that i stopped speaking to for years i am friends with again and they have matured a lot.

the inability to forgive without forgetting is to me very childish



social media shows me a weak needy side of people i may not notice in real life like taking 50'000 selfies when out cos they have to appear cool. yawn.

every good night out i had in last year or 2 involves no photos cos i live in the moment. when pictures are taken its often at works do's where i have fuck all connection with them bar a need to eat

 

[llama112]

Seems like there are tons of them out there. That's why I have very limited real friends. I don't have friends for very long periods of time.
Many people don't understand what a real friendship is.

OR
they have real friends, and you are just an acquaintance.

 

[sigmond]

I hate social media and refuse to use it and this is one of several reasons.

My perception of social media is that rather than increase connections with people, it largely cuts them off.
People are together, and they're talking, but largely they're talking about themselves to the people whom are also talking about themselves.

I also feel it creates a totally unrealistic perception of reality, because virtually everyone is trying portray themselves as perfect and without any issues of their own, and so to people with issues, often including those that pretend they have none, fall into the skewed belief that they're the only one and feeling even more alone.

The internet should be enhancing our real life social lives but instead it's damaging them.

I agree.

Also, for the most part it ends up being an extension of whatever circle of friends you have in real life. Basically creates mini-tribes. I don't use it, and imagine it must be brutal for some young people who actually care about privacy. It obviously has benefits for people who travel often.

I think modern society has crushed a lot of spirit out of many people, and broken adults tend to breed broken children. No one wants to be a selfish dick. Sooner or later they'll realize they've made a mistake and pushed people away with their personality. Have sympathy for them. We all want to be loved and have true friendships really.

“Our civilisation being what it is, you've got to spent eight hours out of every twenty-four as a mixture between an imbecile and a sewing machine. It's very disagreeable, I know. It's humiliating and disgusting. But there you are. You've got to do it, otherwise the whole fabric of our world will fall to bits and we'll starve. Do the job then, idiotically and mechanically; and spend your leisure hours in being a real complete man or woman.” ― Aldous Huxley, Point Counter Point

OT: I noticed another thread was deleted, I didn't care much for the thread itself, honestly didn't even read the whole thing. Just bringing it up because it seems whenever I have a good joke the thread gets deleted.

 

[CosmicG]

That is a wonderful quote by Aldous Huxley, and pretty much sums up exactly with how I feel about my own life and how it pertains to society.

I could not agree more with social media pulling humans further apart rather then closer. It seems to be a huge paradox. Technology has rewired our brains, changing how we relate with each other. The connection just doesn't feel the same as it once did. At least not in my case.

It's unfortunate, but I can't think of a single person in my life that is not selfish. But I am a very selfish human being if I am to be completely honest, which is probably why I see things this way. It's not that I want to be, I just am. All I can do is what anyone else can. Try to be better.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I know someone who is a so called friend of mine, if that's what you want to call the relationship. He will never do what you want to do and is happy to have no friends if it's not his way. However when he wants people around he expects it. Then would never reciprocate the same back. I've often pondered why I am in a friendship with him as there is nothing that ties us together any more except for the past experiences we went through together. I don't really hang with the guy as much as his fat girlfriend got in the way of his friendships with his old mates of 10 years plus.

Any how some people are born dicks and don't want to change even though they know what they are doing is wrong. It's simply too easy to get into a fixed routine of selfishness.

 

[CosmicG]

A vicious cycle it is. It seems as though the more selfish people you are surrounded by, the more selfish you become. The negativity just really brings you down after a while, turning you into the things you hate the most. It changes people after being exposed to for extended periods of time.

 

[pofacedhoe]

Seems like there are tons of them out there. That's why I have very limited real friends. I don't have friends for very long periods of time.
Many people don't understand what a real friendship is.

OR
they have real friends, and you are just an acquaintance.

i have about 4-5 main friends i have known for 18-8 years and it takes me ages to put you into that category, then there are people i enjoy spending time with them but on many levels we dont overlap much.

at the same time i'm lately developing a new friendship with someone i have known for years but didn't see very often who is very good natured and interesting.

also some people you might see once a year because they have no job and you have to have time off to see them but you stay at theirs and chill for 2 days. but that girl is more kind of my spiritual advisor



people epxect too much from each other and life is hard and busy and these people sometimes live 1-4 hours away.

people can get very "well they haven't called ME!" etc. this attitude will never keep a friendship going. at the same time if they keep ignoring you dont waste your time and move on

the real clue to if they are a good friend is do they make the same amount of effort as you to keep the friendship going? and are they kind and share with you?

cos if you always do what they want, always end up paying or they wont come see you but you go to them then there is not much to that relationship.

 

[Pretty_Diamonds]

Unfortunately, this is true. Sad to say but your "real friends" are the ones there when you are at your all-time low. When you hit rock bottom, you're usually alone. People are just there for the good times. Why do you want examples though? I would suggest not focusing on the negative.