Serious Did benzos fuck me up?

[cowardescent]

Excuse my language but when it comes to benzo withdrawal, I think this the f-word is the only reasonable word that can be used to describe what they may have done

So basically it's either the benzos or antipsychotics that messed me. I started taking psychotropic drugs when I 16 in 2015. I had homicidal thoughts and was basically brought to a psychiatrist diagnosed me with ASD and put me on 15mg of Abilify (aripriprazole) and 20mg of Prozac (fluoxetine). I stayed on it for a few months but had to give it up as it caused too much fatigue. When I came off of both drugs, I felt far more irritated than before. I also felt really sensitivive to stimulus (again nothing bad as now).

My mental problems hadn't gone away and I had dropped out of school to be homeschooled. When I turned 18, I purchased alcohol and found out how amazing it was. Kept on drinking it. Then before I travelled to the US on a long flight, my GP gave me my first prescription for benzos. 50 tablets of 2mg Valium (diazepam). The combination was euphoric and I longed for that relaxation. I came home and started forging scripts until I had amassed 400 tablets. I had no idea about the illegality never-mind the withdrawal. I took them on within a few days (large doses in short periods of time) and run out. My attempt to forge again failed and I was cautioned by police.

A new adult psychiatrist put me on 2mg of risperidone but took me off of it as he didn't see any improvements. I basically went a whole year and a half being on nothing, no psychotropic meds or taking any alcohol/illicit drugs.

It was horrible. I felt 'everything' was intensified. The worst was that I was sensitive to touch. I also had a bit of body dysmorphia and had to cover my arms and close the shutters as seeing my skin would me uncomfortable. I was also very irritable to the point of breaking a door.

I've tried the keto diet since then and it has massively improved my symptoms but I still get the suicidal feelings and sensitivity. I'm planning on going to another psychiatrist who will now put me on a long term benzo/anti-psychotic script

I'm just wondering if this is really benzo withdrawal or was it caused by the antipsychotics? I know I have autism and people can have sensory issues but I experience NOTHING like this before I took any mind-altering drugs.

The interesting this is that my skin sensitivity comes and goes. After I eat a fatty meal, it will come and then subside for a few hours. When it does come back, I feel that my adrenal glands are active. I wonder if it has something to do with the HPA axis.

 

[ions]

Doctors and nurses turn to antipsychotics because they don't know how to talk out what's going on up there in your mind. Sometimes it's because of psychedelic or marijuana use and you get admitted to a hospital. I don't agree with how it's handled, and I'm on invega injections monthly.

Anyway, benzo withdrawal can feel like an elevated dose of anxiety espeically the next day after use. Antipsychotics dumb you down. It's like operating at 20% or something like that.

Marijuana has helped me dramatically in getting my thoughts in line or ducks in a row. I'm still not financially independent so I get disability income.

 

[darvocet21]

Excuse my language but when it comes to benzo withdrawal, I think this the f-word is the only reasonable word that can be used to describe what they may have done

So basically it's either the benzos or antipsychotics that messed me. I started taking psychotropic drugs when I 16 in 2015. I had homicidal thoughts and was basically brought to a psychiatrist diagnosed me with ASD and put me on 15mg of Abilify (aripriprazole) and 20mg of Prozac (fluoxetine). I stayed on it for a few months but had to give it up as it caused too much fatigue. When I came off of both drugs, I felt far more irritated than before. I also felt really sensitivive to stimulus (again nothing bad as now).

My mental problems hadn't gone away and I had dropped out of school to be homeschooled. When I turned 18, I purchased alcohol and found out how amazing it was. Kept on drinking it. Then before I travelled to the US on a long flight, my GP gave me my first prescription for benzos. 50 tablets of 2mg Valium (diazepam). The combination was euphoric and I longed for that relaxation. I came home and started forging scripts until I had amassed 400 tablets. I had no idea about the illegality never-mind the withdrawal. I took them on within a few days (large doses in short periods of time) and run out. My attempt to forge again failed and I was cautioned by police.

A new adult psychiatrist put me on 2mg of risperidone but took me off of it as he didn't see any improvements. I basically went a whole year and a half being on nothing, no psychotropic meds or taking any alcohol/illicit drugs.

It was horrible. I felt 'everything' was intensified. The worst was that I was sensitive to touch. I also had a bit of body dysmorphia and had to cover my arms and close the shutters as seeing my skin would me uncomfortable. I was also very irritable to the point of breaking a door.

I've tried the keto diet since then and it has massively improved my symptoms but I still get the suicidal feelings and sensitivity. I'm planning on going to another psychiatrist who will now put me on a long term benzo/anti-psychotic script

I'm just wondering if this is really benzo withdrawal or was it caused by the antipsychotics? I know I have autism and people can have sensory issues but I experience NOTHING like this before I took any mind-altering drugs.

The interesting this is that my skin sensitivity comes and goes. After I eat a fatty meal, it will come and then subside for a few hours. When it does come back, I feel that my adrenal glands are active. I wonder if it has something to do with the HPA axis.

I'll take a swing at this since I've taken all of those. Risperdal for less than 3 months I stopped without telling the doc who's giving me Xanax as a twofer so I didn't want to jeopardize that script... not sure if it was the combo just the Risperdal or maybe the Xanax but it made my thinking slower.

I took Abilify within the last few years again as part of this balanced breakfast Prozac and Klonopin. Not sure if it did anything at that dose plus I never even started the Prozac. It was free sometimes you just have to go along to get along. I knew from experience Prozac didn't work apart from getting me to wake an hour earlier without the benefit of morning wood.

I used to buy my own Valium from a street vendor in Los Angeles as crazy as it sounds she had these silver foil packets made in Guatemala with B vitamins + only 2mg ea. I was always haggling with her because I usually bought everything she had because I had a tolerance at that point which was pretty high. Valium is definitely the most recreational benzo for me which isn't saying much. Let's face it alcohol is the most fun and if you keep it within reasonable limit not as addictive. Whereas Valium and other benzo addiction can sneak up on you you can take a really small dose but if you take it for a long time very hard to reset your your whole Gaba system become a nervous Nellie

From what you described I'm not sure you took the Valium long enough to get dependent ... sure you took big doses and probably got pretty wasted but it takes huge amounts to overdose in the absence of some other sedative hypnotic or opioid. Most likely it sounds like you had an anti-psychotic withdrawal which typically start slow and can be very pernicious

Hope that helps