I came across some diazepam, and shortly thereafter I entered a relationship with a girl I had been fond of for about two years. These two events are unrelated, I should mention.
The girl and I lived in different cities, each 4 hours apart. We saw each other on weekends when I could come into town. As it would turn out, we would only get one weekend together.
Without going into the details of that relationship, I can tell you about the night it ended. It was the Superbowl. I walked to my friends' place after an Inuktitut class. The bowl was on when I got there, and in keeping with the bowl theme, we smoked a few.
I began to get a panicky sort of dissociation from the weed - I decided it would be a good time to bust out the Valium.
I'd love to tell you how many I took, and what the effects were like. What I can assume is that I felt a warmth come over me. The anxiety probably disappeared. I probably felt still as though I was in another world from the strong bowls, but I felt at peace and artificially calm. I almost definitely made some stupid jokes about American Football.
What I do remember is that I grabbed a blanket, wrapped myself in it, and blacked out in the other room. It was utterly comfortable. It was not the sort of hyperactive euphoria of an opiate high but rather the feeling of being curled up by a warm fire on a cold winter's night.
I eventually headed home to my apartment. When I got back, my girlfriend skyped me. We chatted. She seemed distant. She had for awhile. I told her I was on valium (I think I told her?). She then said to me…
Well… that's the thing. We broke up, but I don't know what she said. I couldn't remember the conversation we had. I still don't.
The next morning I woke up confused. Was I still dating this girl?
I texted her.
"Hi… did we break up last night?"
"Yes… sorry!"
My God.
Truthfully, two relationships ended that day. A few days later, I decided once and for all that I had hit a bad place in my relationship with drug use. I stopped using anything recreationally other than the odd drink. My mindset has been healthier than ever since then, though I have deep-seated problems that I'm now just learning to cope with sober. The drugs cost me a budding relationship with a beautiful, talented girl, but losing her ultimately helped me regain my sanity.
Still, I have to laugh at that break-up.
The girl and I lived in different cities, each 4 hours apart. We saw each other on weekends when I could come into town. As it would turn out, we would only get one weekend together.
Without going into the details of that relationship, I can tell you about the night it ended. It was the Superbowl. I walked to my friends' place after an Inuktitut class. The bowl was on when I got there, and in keeping with the bowl theme, we smoked a few.
I began to get a panicky sort of dissociation from the weed - I decided it would be a good time to bust out the Valium.
I'd love to tell you how many I took, and what the effects were like. What I can assume is that I felt a warmth come over me. The anxiety probably disappeared. I probably felt still as though I was in another world from the strong bowls, but I felt at peace and artificially calm. I almost definitely made some stupid jokes about American Football.
What I do remember is that I grabbed a blanket, wrapped myself in it, and blacked out in the other room. It was utterly comfortable. It was not the sort of hyperactive euphoria of an opiate high but rather the feeling of being curled up by a warm fire on a cold winter's night.
I eventually headed home to my apartment. When I got back, my girlfriend skyped me. We chatted. She seemed distant. She had for awhile. I told her I was on valium (I think I told her?). She then said to me…
Well… that's the thing. We broke up, but I don't know what she said. I couldn't remember the conversation we had. I still don't.
The next morning I woke up confused. Was I still dating this girl?
I texted her.
"Hi… did we break up last night?"
"Yes… sorry!"
My God.
Truthfully, two relationships ended that day. A few days later, I decided once and for all that I had hit a bad place in my relationship with drug use. I stopped using anything recreationally other than the odd drink. My mindset has been healthier than ever since then, though I have deep-seated problems that I'm now just learning to cope with sober. The drugs cost me a budding relationship with a beautiful, talented girl, but losing her ultimately helped me regain my sanity.
Still, I have to laugh at that break-up.
