desperately need advice. Please help me."I love you, but I'm not in love with you "
My girlfriend just recently told me she wants to break up because she wants to focus on her happiness, college and her future. She said she has been feeling depressed because of her friends and people feeling like they can walk all over her. she says she doesn't know how she feels anymore because of her feelings being messed up and that I have been making her upset lately for like 3 weeks (we have been dating for a full 2 years and 7 months without anybreak ups). She said she wants to be friends still and talk but I dont think hang out with eachother anymore though I'm not sure. She told me how shes been feeling the other day (Sunday) but didnt break up with me until today (Tuesday). We talked alot that Sunday night and went to bed (she doesn't live with me) thinking things are good and she just is having one of those times in our relationship where she's just upset and not thinking right because she's a girl you know, and every relationship has ups and downs especially low lows sometimes but good relationships recover from these and ours have in the past which the last time and first time it was a low low was over a year ago in early April but we fixed it and it wasn't to bad, we were happy. There has not been any cheating at all on either side so that's not a issue anywhere. I think because of her getting her period (she got it yesterday which was Monday) that she has been overthinking lots of things expecially me but this time is very abnormal. Im not gonna say I'm perfect because I know I'm not and I know I'm not being the best at the time, though I have started being better once she told me everything that she was feeling, she told me part of it with her being upset about being walked all over by people and her friends about a little over a week ago and I sent her a nice long paragraph to make her feel better and she was still upset but better and the next day she was normal and i asked if everything was okay and she said she was so I didnt think anything after that. Anyways I think I may have been getting too comfortable as if she's like a best friend to me and not really thinking about what i say sometimes. Girls feelings are just too touchy sometimes and I am not always a serious person but I know one of the things she is very upset about is when I call her names, and before you call me a dick I just want you to understand what I'm saying from a guys point of view and just what I meant about getting to comfortable. Also before I say this I want you to know that I got her to come over yesterday, everything seemed pretty good and normal and I just tried to make sure she was okay and she acted and said everything was. I was really trying to make sure I could keep her in a good mood and we got Starbucks, watched a movie, cuddled, made out, even had sex, talked like we normally do and had dinner. I took her home and still all was good and normal if not better on my side because I was making her happy since she told me she was feeling like that. As i said before, im not a serious person and we have been together for so long that we could be married, so our fights arent like they used to be. Like say I forget to wake up on time and I miss class. She will start to say things to me and say I dont care or whatever she says and I tell her I do care and give her a reason but she will or sometimes keep going and i just get frustrated and tell her to "shut the hell up and stop bitching at me" which is about the worst it gets and I know I shouldnt say things like that because she is just caring about what I am doing but I just cant help myself after sometime. The other which is what really frustrates me the most and I just do not understand and can't change because of just who I am. I can help it but I can't completely. If she lets say spills a drink in my room or just anywhere i might say something like "you idiot" sometimes with a smile or maybe she does something dumb like put the milk in the freezer and I might say "your so stupid/dumb" but again with a smile or something like a giggle sometimes i just say it. I have a different tone when I mean things and I just say those things no matter who you are and I definitely do not mean it the way she takes it, like she'll get upset one night or something and say that I always call her stupid or annoying and think im all serious or something when I only mean it in that moment as just that exact thing she did not who she is overall which is so frustrating because I tell her that she isn't and that I do not mean it the way she thinks I do. I even helped and used better words like dumby just because I always say things at those times as a habit of my personality. Anyways the last things that upset her is when I say your being annoying or when I dont want to talk on the phone. She will get to playful or tell me something and not stop saying/doing whatever it is and id say "stop being annoying" or "your being annoying" or "please stop/shut up". The last thing is talking on the phone. I am not a phone kinda guy as in being on the phone for hours because im just more straight forward on the phone and say what i need to say but she always would want to talk for 1 hour+ maybe 30 mins but thats pretty much the minimum. Now the thing that scares me the most and i believe it could be one of the worst sentences she could say to me is "I love you, but I'm not in love with you like I was". She said this when we were talking today after she told me she wanted to break up. I tried to talk to her about fixing it together and that I could change for her because of how much I love and care about her. I tried so bad to get to change her mind by reminding her of all the things we've done and all the great memories we made together, what we said to each other, the things we said about our future, the things we said we would do at this very time when we needed to be strong and work together to fix ourselves and stay together through all of the bad times because things will change and get better if we really do work together. After that she told me she just can't now and she just has to have time to bring herself back together and to be happy. That's when she told me that she loves me but isn't in love with me like she was and that she wants to still have me in her life, be friends and continue to talk. Then a hour later we met up again and she was acting more like herself after we went to class and we talked some and even hugged and kissed goodbye. She told me she wanted to meet me in the same spot after our next class but after the second class she never came and I texted her asking where she was and she didnt text me back until a few minutes after I had left saying her friend was talking to her and didn't let her leave and that she was sorry. She hasnt texted me since then and I just really need someone that knows or can at least have good advice on what I should do in order to save what we once had and not let this be a waste of 2 years of my life that I had enjoyed the most with anyone. I know what she said about loving me is definitely a bad thing but if any of you that read this think that its truly the end or I should stop then please dont hold back because I want the most honest and best advice you can give to me. I would prefer things that I should do in order to save it but anything honest is extremely needed and apreciated! Okay this is really the last thing I want to let you all know and that is that I do buy her presents and jewelry, not cheap things that dont have any thought or meaning into it but things I believe she would like that are real and bought with my money I worked up for in order to spend on her and that I take her out to dinner and get things she asks for sometimes and just generally do everything that is nice to do for your girlfriend so im just in such a wtf moment because I just can't process it all, like it doesn't add up to be as bad as she makes it sound. Like never have I hit her, been abusive or cheated on her for it to sound and be this bad so I'm just completely lost on why I can't fix this. Thank you so so much from deep in my heart to anyone who has spent the time to read this and to give me advice on what I should do in this situation. You really don't understand how much I truly appreciate it.
My girlfriend just recently told me she wants to break up because she wants to focus on her happiness, college and her future. She said she has been feeling depressed because of her friends and people feeling like they can walk all over her. she says she doesn't know how she feels anymore because of her feelings being messed up and that I have been making her upset lately for like 3 weeks (we have been dating for a full 2 years and 7 months without anybreak ups). She said she wants to be friends still and talk but I dont think hang out with eachother anymore though I'm not sure. She told me how shes been feeling the other day (Sunday) but didnt break up with me until today (Tuesday). We talked alot that Sunday night and went to bed (she doesn't live with me) thinking things are good and she just is having one of those times in our relationship where she's just upset and not thinking right because she's a girl you know, and every relationship has ups and downs especially low lows sometimes but good relationships recover from these and ours have in the past which the last time and first time it was a low low was over a year ago in early April but we fixed it and it wasn't to bad, we were happy. There has not been any cheating at all on either side so that's not a issue anywhere. I think because of her getting her period (she got it yesterday which was Monday) that she has been overthinking lots of things expecially me but this time is very abnormal. Im not gonna say I'm perfect because I know I'm not and I know I'm not being the best at the time, though I have started being better once she told me everything that she was feeling, she told me part of it with her being upset about being walked all over by people and her friends about a little over a week ago and I sent her a nice long paragraph to make her feel better and she was still upset but better and the next day she was normal and i asked if everything was okay and she said she was so I didnt think anything after that. Anyways I think I may have been getting too comfortable as if she's like a best friend to me and not really thinking about what i say sometimes. Girls feelings are just too touchy sometimes and I am not always a serious person but I know one of the things she is very upset about is when I call her names, and before you call me a dick I just want you to understand what I'm saying from a guys point of view and just what I meant about getting to comfortable. Also before I say this I want you to know that I got her to come over yesterday, everything seemed pretty good and normal and I just tried to make sure she was okay and she acted and said everything was. I was really trying to make sure I could keep her in a good mood and we got Starbucks, watched a movie, cuddled, made out, even had sex, talked like we normally do and had dinner. I took her home and still all was good and normal if not better on my side because I was making her happy since she told me she was feeling like that. As i said before, im not a serious person and we have been together for so long that we could be married, so our fights arent like they used to be. Like say I forget to wake up on time and I miss class. She will start to say things to me and say I dont care or whatever she says and I tell her I do care and give her a reason but she will or sometimes keep going and i just get frustrated and tell her to "shut the hell up and stop bitching at me" which is about the worst it gets and I know I shouldnt say things like that because she is just caring about what I am doing but I just cant help myself after sometime. The other which is what really frustrates me the most and I just do not understand and can't change because of just who I am. I can help it but I can't completely. If she lets say spills a drink in my room or just anywhere i might say something like "you idiot" sometimes with a smile or maybe she does something dumb like put the milk in the freezer and I might say "your so stupid/dumb" but again with a smile or something like a giggle sometimes i just say it. I have a different tone when I mean things and I just say those things no matter who you are and I definitely do not mean it the way she takes it, like she'll get upset one night or something and say that I always call her stupid or annoying and think im all serious or something when I only mean it in that moment as just that exact thing she did not who she is overall which is so frustrating because I tell her that she isn't and that I do not mean it the way she thinks I do. I even helped and used better words like dumby just because I always say things at those times as a habit of my personality. Anyways the last things that upset her is when I say your being annoying or when I dont want to talk on the phone. She will get to playful or tell me something and not stop saying/doing whatever it is and id say "stop being annoying" or "your being annoying" or "please stop/shut up". The last thing is talking on the phone. I am not a phone kinda guy as in being on the phone for hours because im just more straight forward on the phone and say what i need to say but she always would want to talk for 1 hour+ maybe 30 mins but thats pretty much the minimum. Now the thing that scares me the most and i believe it could be one of the worst sentences she could say to me is "I love you, but I'm not in love with you like I was". She said this when we were talking today after she told me she wanted to break up. I tried to talk to her about fixing it together and that I could change for her because of how much I love and care about her. I tried so bad to get to change her mind by reminding her of all the things we've done and all the great memories we made together, what we said to each other, the things we said about our future, the things we said we would do at this very time when we needed to be strong and work together to fix ourselves and stay together through all of the bad times because things will change and get better if we really do work together. After that she told me she just can't now and she just has to have time to bring herself back together and to be happy. That's when she told me that she loves me but isn't in love with me like she was and that she wants to still have me in her life, be friends and continue to talk. Then a hour later we met up again and she was acting more like herself after we went to class and we talked some and even hugged and kissed goodbye. She told me she wanted to meet me in the same spot after our next class but after the second class she never came and I texted her asking where she was and she didnt text me back until a few minutes after I had left saying her friend was talking to her and didn't let her leave and that she was sorry. She hasnt texted me since then and I just really need someone that knows or can at least have good advice on what I should do in order to save what we once had and not let this be a waste of 2 years of my life that I had enjoyed the most with anyone. I know what she said about loving me is definitely a bad thing but if any of you that read this think that its truly the end or I should stop then please dont hold back because I want the most honest and best advice you can give to me. I would prefer things that I should do in order to save it but anything honest is extremely needed and apreciated! Okay this is really the last thing I want to let you all know and that is that I do buy her presents and jewelry, not cheap things that dont have any thought or meaning into it but things I believe she would like that are real and bought with my money I worked up for in order to spend on her and that I take her out to dinner and get things she asks for sometimes and just generally do everything that is nice to do for your girlfriend so im just in such a wtf moment because I just can't process it all, like it doesn't add up to be as bad as she makes it sound. Like never have I hit her, been abusive or cheated on her for it to sound and be this bad so I'm just completely lost on why I can't fix this. Thank you so so much from deep in my heart to anyone who has spent the time to read this and to give me advice on what I should do in this situation. You really don't understand how much I truly appreciate it.
