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crazy relationship

Herraisland

Herraisland

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 15, 2012
Messages
68
Like the title, im in a pretty crazy one.... We fight hard every other day, but today was something the craziest.. i started to talk about the guy my gf was flirting with on facebook for aprox 4months ago, it lead to a crazy fight.... i have already fought with her like 30 times because of this guy she flirted with... even tho i make her cry atleast every other week... atleast! we still love each other enough that we been togather for 8 months... fighting for like 5 months. once i was going to walk away but she cried so much and begged me not to leave her i just had to stay... kinda felt sorry for her that time... but non the less i would srs kill for her, my heart go out for her... we both have told each other we want to be together all our live... the problem is.. we dont trust each other, we fight almost everyday, but ofcourse we do have a really good time together. possibly that good times it has held us together all this time through our fights. Need your help fellow bluelighters... How can i make this relationship be better.... i know this will not held up more like this.. we have gone over this numerous time. not working.. but i still believe we can make things work...
 
Well if you enjoy the relationship as it stands right now then stay....it won't change nor can you change it...it takes both of you to change it...and the fact that it is this tumultuous this early into it I don't see it lasting for ever...if you can't trust there is no relationship....I'm sorry you're going through this...but it shouldn't be this hard this early...it's a sign of things to come and it won't be good....just out of curiosity how old are you two?
 
Well she probably understands after 30 times of fighting about it that flirting with other men is something you do not appreciate. Maybe you could concentrate on now and the future instead of the past.

Everyone makes mistakes. If they own up to them and apologize, and most importantly change their behavior, maybe it's time to forgive and forget. If they don't well, perhaps it's time to find someone who takes your feelings into consideration. Depending on how valid they are, I mean you might be overreacting depending on what kind of messaging the "flirting" actually was. Then it might be time for you to acknowledge your mistake and apologize, and change your behavior. Maybe both of you need to do that really.

What's up with the lack of trust btw, has there been some kind of serious reasons to cause that like cheating? Do you flirt with other women and have a guilty conscience?
 
Hey guys, thx for the answer im 24 and she is 20 years old. She wasnt just flirting, she was planning to meet him for sex. And i abused drugs very much and were always lying to her and she always caught me.. she is clean btw. Thats our issue, she was planning on cheating and i was always lying about my drug use... Btw im clean from drugs now, except steroids. Im a bodybuilder and steroids is a part of my lifestyle.

I just want to have a future with her and she wants it with me.. but we fight so constantly! We want to fix it badly, we want to have a healthy relationship, but it seems impossible..
 
I would say you and her are not equipped to be in a stable relationship together. As far as her indiscretions, you can do 2 things. Move on or break up with her. But you can't keep bringing it up day after day. It sounds like the trust has be mutually broken beyond repair. Time to break up and stop the endless cycle of fighting and throwing the past in each others faces. You say you love each other enough to be together for 8 months but have been fighting for 5 months. That's not a good record. You're both young, go live life for fucks sake and stop wasting your time making each other miserable.
 
AnnieGram said:
I would say you and her are not equipped to be in a stable relationship together. As far as her indiscretions, you can do 2 things. Move on or break up with her. But you can't keep bringing it up day after day. It sounds like the trust has be mutually broken beyond repair. Time to break up and stop the endless cycle of fighting and throwing the past in each others faces. You say you love each other enough to be together for 8 months but have been fighting for 5 months. That's not a good record. You're both young, go live life for fucks sake and stop wasting your time making each other miserable.
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thats pretty hard to accept.. she is my first girlfriend, first real love...
 
Herraisland said:
thats pretty hard to accept.. she is my first girlfriend, first real love...
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It gets better. Trust me.
You'll find someone else, she'll find someone else.
If you break up now, you can both mature. Then who knows, maybe a couple years later, you'll have grown up and the relationship will be able to work. But you both have a lot of growing up to do.
 
If she wanted a long term loving respectful relationship she wouldn't be planning on having sex with another man...regardless if you lied to her...cheaters never ever change...first love, greatest love etc...they don't change...I'm sorry...
 
Herraisland said:
thats pretty hard to accept.. she is my first girlfriend, first real love...
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When my first love left me I was heartbroken. I thought nothing would ever make me happy again. Now I'm 30 and I thank my lucky stars every day that I'm not with my high school boyfriend. You think you can't possibly feel love or someone else, this simply isn't true. A healthy relationship does not revolve around fighting constantly. Most first loves are mostly infactuation based. Take some advice from some people who are older and have experienced all these things before. Or just keep living this cycle.
 
nuttynutskin said:
Maybe that's part of it? I knew someone who basically messed up one relationship because of roid rage.
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i dont know... im pretty agressive always and im really quick to go postal... i say words that are ugly, which i dont mean really..... but most of the time i treat her really good and she tells me im so different then other guys(in a good way). i would say 50% of the time we fight and 50% of the time we are laughing holding hands and talking about how much we love each other.
 
What are your arguments about? Are they all knock down drag out screaming matches? Honestly it doesn't matter...you don't seem concerned that she considered cheating on you after only 6 months into a brand new relationship....the excitement shouldn't be gone that soon...
 
AnnieGram said:
When my first love left me I was heartbroken. I thought nothing would ever make me happy again. Now I'm 30 and I thank my lucky stars every day that I'm not with my high school boyfriend. You think you can't possibly feel love or someone else, this simply isn't true. A healthy relationship does not revolve around fighting constantly. Most first loves are mostly infactuation based. Take some advice from some people who are older and have experienced all these things before. Or just keep living this cycle.
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Right on.

Breaking up with my first boyfriend was one of the hardest things I've done. But my life is SO MUCH BETTER now that we're apart. Not that he's a bad guy, the relationship just wasn't meant to be. I just think of it as three years experience to know what I truly wanted.
 
AnnieGram said:
50% lovey dovey an 50% going postal is a really bad ratio.
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I agree. To the OP... It sounds like you need to reevaluate things and yourself. There's going to be disagreements in relationships and no one's an angel, but the fact that you're fighting all the time and "quick to go postal" isn't a good sign. You're both pretty young also. Maybe you should just take a break for a while?
 
i have decided not to break up with her... had beautiful weekend with her :) I know im her number 1 and she is mine... Havent felt like this before... we laid on her bed saturday night and were just looking at each other smile-ing and kissing. im not ready to give up on her even we fight a a lot. thank you for all these great answers. you people on Bluelight are really nice. Peace.
 
We'll be here to help you pick up the pieces...because guarantee it won't last and if you gave it some serious thought you would walk away and find true happiness because what you have isn't it...sorry....
 
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