Bomb319
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Nov 26, 2011
- Messages
- 583
First, please allow me to clarify - Keeping drugs away from developing brains is a good idea. What bothers me is that the ends do NOT justify the means in many cases, and when such a lie is inevitably discovered, all other truthful info is bound to be rejected as well. In other words, it completely obliterates patient/specialist trust, and any bussing relationship.
Anyway, when I smoked crack log ago, it was obviously far from pure, but did have the characteristic taste and smell, numb my mouth (not hard to emulate with other substances, though) and give me a "rush", assuming from all that dopamine suddenly chilling in the intercellular spaces. I know this is common if not ubiquitous, but the first hit made me feel euphoric along with the other nasty side effects of paranoia and such. Every single hit (and I used SMALL amounts - maybe the size of half a tiny pebble) I'd start getting anxious that a stroke was imminent. I fear them so much because my brain in basically all I have right now.
My tolerance to stims IS low, as my drug of choice by FAR is and always has been opioids in almost any form, as long as they agonize mu and are neutral or antagonize kappa. I'll take euphoria and relaxation over health fear and other strong anxiety any day. The messed up thing - I would never be able to sleep until all the coke was gone. Not because of its stimulant effects. Just a compulsion to use it despite deminishing returns, feeling the paranoia over having a stroke again, feeling better after 15 minutes, etc. It really is an ugly drug in that respect. I liked it but hated it at the same time. I just had to get that precious resin going which would be strong enough to really freak me out.
So yeah, it's so strange because normally I either like a drug or don't. I hated being a "slave", compelled to finish my stash that night before any chance of sleep. The lack of dopamine hits after awhile - then depression and even dissociation kick in. I could easily go months or even many year without it (as I did, from 2014 onwards) as I mentioned, it's opiates that are my real problem. Still on 160 mg methadone and trying to switch to methadone pills. I often feel quite sick by morning since I have always naturally had such high opioid/ate tolerance as evidenced by the post-surgical nurse requiring like 4 or 5 shots of hydromorphone for me to even notice anything. I was still talkative and not slurring, etc.
I guess my question is, is it really likely to have a heart attack or stroke when using small amounts like this? Let's say I had some and it weighed 0.3. g. It would take me all night in many divided doses to do it. Is this a typical reaction to crack? Unable to let it go until its gone? It doesn't help that I'm an all or nothing type of personality. I've been thinking about this more and more as my methadone dose continues to drop (oh yeah, forgot to mention I've been tapering with the doctor and am down to160 from 220 so far). Like I said, very high tolerance. I gamed a ridiculous amount of weight when Covid hit, lost my job, went on employment insurance, and was home all day, apparently eating. I was ALREADY overweight after going on methadone - around 220. Since March 2020, I ballooned up to 261 at its highest. A combination of more walking, but mostly far less eating has after a couple months, brought be back down to 226 or so.
Anyway, when I smoked crack log ago, it was obviously far from pure, but did have the characteristic taste and smell, numb my mouth (not hard to emulate with other substances, though) and give me a "rush", assuming from all that dopamine suddenly chilling in the intercellular spaces. I know this is common if not ubiquitous, but the first hit made me feel euphoric along with the other nasty side effects of paranoia and such. Every single hit (and I used SMALL amounts - maybe the size of half a tiny pebble) I'd start getting anxious that a stroke was imminent. I fear them so much because my brain in basically all I have right now.
My tolerance to stims IS low, as my drug of choice by FAR is and always has been opioids in almost any form, as long as they agonize mu and are neutral or antagonize kappa. I'll take euphoria and relaxation over health fear and other strong anxiety any day. The messed up thing - I would never be able to sleep until all the coke was gone. Not because of its stimulant effects. Just a compulsion to use it despite deminishing returns, feeling the paranoia over having a stroke again, feeling better after 15 minutes, etc. It really is an ugly drug in that respect. I liked it but hated it at the same time. I just had to get that precious resin going which would be strong enough to really freak me out.
So yeah, it's so strange because normally I either like a drug or don't. I hated being a "slave", compelled to finish my stash that night before any chance of sleep. The lack of dopamine hits after awhile - then depression and even dissociation kick in. I could easily go months or even many year without it (as I did, from 2014 onwards) as I mentioned, it's opiates that are my real problem. Still on 160 mg methadone and trying to switch to methadone pills. I often feel quite sick by morning since I have always naturally had such high opioid/ate tolerance as evidenced by the post-surgical nurse requiring like 4 or 5 shots of hydromorphone for me to even notice anything. I was still talkative and not slurring, etc.
I guess my question is, is it really likely to have a heart attack or stroke when using small amounts like this? Let's say I had some and it weighed 0.3. g. It would take me all night in many divided doses to do it. Is this a typical reaction to crack? Unable to let it go until its gone? It doesn't help that I'm an all or nothing type of personality. I've been thinking about this more and more as my methadone dose continues to drop (oh yeah, forgot to mention I've been tapering with the doctor and am down to160 from 220 so far). Like I said, very high tolerance. I gamed a ridiculous amount of weight when Covid hit, lost my job, went on employment insurance, and was home all day, apparently eating. I was ALREADY overweight after going on methadone - around 220. Since March 2020, I ballooned up to 261 at its highest. A combination of more walking, but mostly far less eating has after a couple months, brought be back down to 226 or so.
