I need some advice. I met a woman online in Colombia. I am in the US. We met last December and stayed together for a week in Florida. A few weeks after, during a videochat, she wanted to end the romantic relationship, as she was thinking it was going to be a “virtual relationship”. I am a PhD student and she is a single mother that teaches ESL (Spanish is her native language, but she has a degree in English). However, she called the next day and took it back. We talked almost every day (videochatted a lot, and some days just Whatsapp messages).
Then through a misunderstanding, she ended things again and blocked me on Whatsapp and Facebook. But a month later, she unblocked me and I noticed and messaged her. She said she missed me and we resumed our relationship. I am leaving to go see her in Colombia soon, but things are different. We do not videochat very often, and she takes much longer to respond to messages than she used to. She says she is very busy with her daughter, and I know her daughter is a handful…but we used to chat and I have talked to her daughter and used to read to her a bedtime story over an app to do so (she is 6 btw). But now we do not do these. She said we could resume me reading to her daughter but it has yet to happen. AND, I am still not unblocked on Facebook. We have been back together for 2 months, and like I said I am supposed to leave in a few days to see her in Colombia and meet her daughter.
My concern is her distance (not geographical). I have expressed to her twice I am not happy with our amount of communication, because as I see it, the first thing in a relationship is communication, and when that dies, the relationship dies. She agrees and she does better for a few days after when I mention it to her, but then it goes right back. I do not want to keep bringing it up. I want her to WANT to talk to me, not because I mention it.
I KNOW she is busy, but it seems people still find to talk to their SO, even when busy. Even if it is just a small message here and there.
I got an AirBnB for us while there, so as not to be imposing on her home and daughter. She told me her mother will watch her daughter while I am there, but now she says she may have to stay at her place some nights because her mother won’t do it every night. SO that changed recently. She said if her mother could not, I could stay at her place, but now seems reluctant.
I do not want to be paranoid and kill it. This will be our second meeting, but we have grown close from our talking and even talk about a future together. But this situation I feel has changed ( I notice the slightest change in people/relationships)
Am I being unreasonable? I mean, she says she is excited to see me in a few days, but I feel her distance is telling another story. It is no easy task to fly from New Hampshire to Bucaramanga, and she know this. But I hate the sudden changes in how much we may spend together (staying at her place). And the communication is a worry.
Would a person have someone they call their partner travel thousands of miles knowing they are backing off the relationship? If she is, fine, but I do not want to go all the way there only to be cooped up in an AirBnB. Especially not in Colombia.
Any insights would be greatly appreciated.
Then through a misunderstanding, she ended things again and blocked me on Whatsapp and Facebook. But a month later, she unblocked me and I noticed and messaged her. She said she missed me and we resumed our relationship. I am leaving to go see her in Colombia soon, but things are different. We do not videochat very often, and she takes much longer to respond to messages than she used to. She says she is very busy with her daughter, and I know her daughter is a handful…but we used to chat and I have talked to her daughter and used to read to her a bedtime story over an app to do so (she is 6 btw). But now we do not do these. She said we could resume me reading to her daughter but it has yet to happen. AND, I am still not unblocked on Facebook. We have been back together for 2 months, and like I said I am supposed to leave in a few days to see her in Colombia and meet her daughter.
My concern is her distance (not geographical). I have expressed to her twice I am not happy with our amount of communication, because as I see it, the first thing in a relationship is communication, and when that dies, the relationship dies. She agrees and she does better for a few days after when I mention it to her, but then it goes right back. I do not want to keep bringing it up. I want her to WANT to talk to me, not because I mention it.
I KNOW she is busy, but it seems people still find to talk to their SO, even when busy. Even if it is just a small message here and there.
I got an AirBnB for us while there, so as not to be imposing on her home and daughter. She told me her mother will watch her daughter while I am there, but now she says she may have to stay at her place some nights because her mother won’t do it every night. SO that changed recently. She said if her mother could not, I could stay at her place, but now seems reluctant.
I do not want to be paranoid and kill it. This will be our second meeting, but we have grown close from our talking and even talk about a future together. But this situation I feel has changed ( I notice the slightest change in people/relationships)
Am I being unreasonable? I mean, she says she is excited to see me in a few days, but I feel her distance is telling another story. It is no easy task to fly from New Hampshire to Bucaramanga, and she know this. But I hate the sudden changes in how much we may spend together (staying at her place). And the communication is a worry.
Would a person have someone they call their partner travel thousands of miles knowing they are backing off the relationship? If she is, fine, but I do not want to go all the way there only to be cooped up in an AirBnB. Especially not in Colombia.
Any insights would be greatly appreciated.
