Coming to terms with repeated episodes of psychosis

[washingtonbound]

This is a difficult subject for me because few people can relate to it. When I was nineteen, I had my first psychotic episode. It appeared to be induced by weed although it felt kind of like an acid flashback at first so that may have played a part. Ever since then, I've failed to return to having a normal life. I'll be fine for a few months, maybe several (longest I've gone since then without having an episode is a year), and then will relapse on something and go crazy again. The really embarrassing part is that this has been going on for almost a decade. I'm 27 now living with my mom in an apartment because I failed to take control of my life. I've been in psychiatric hospitals twenty some times. Truthfully, it's a chore to look in the mirror. I've known a few people who've had similar things happen to them and usually one time scares them straight. But in my case I continued to "step on the rake" as my mom says and do as much damage to my brain as possible. This past January I had a ketamine binge and ended up in one of the worst wards imaginable. It has destroyed my life and rendered me an adolescent in my late twenties. I'm ashamed that I couldn't seem to give up drugs, although I always said I didn't have an addiction since I never took something everyday. But I've come to realize that it has been an addiction in its own right given how many times I repeated the same destructive behavior. I did get a new job which I'm happy about but I still feel intense shame about the last episode. I do horrible things like break computers and turn into a nightmare of a person when I get psychotic. It's time to end it once and for all.

Has anyone else been down this rabbit hole? Is it possible for it to stop completely once you get as far gone as I have?

 

[Lysosomalstorage]

It may have been accelerated by drugs early on but you have an underlying mental health condition, be it schizophrenia or something else. Have you gone through trying different medications with a doctor to keep you level? Honestly that's your best way to control it. It's not going to go away by itself, and obviously drugs will likely just make the episodes more frequent.

 

[n3ophy7e]

Hi @washingtonbound I have a few questions. Have you been diagnosed with something? Do you take medication for it? Are you relatively stable when you are not using drugs? Do you regularly see a therapist?

 

[neversickanymore]

Very sorry your going through this


Not to hit you with a plethora of questions right off the bat.. but do you only experience the psychosis after taking substances. Because your experience seems dependent on substance intake with long breaks in-between. what's life like in between these experiences? Share what you want... not trying to pry.

 

[washingtonbound]

Hi @washingtonbound I have a few questions. Have you been diagnosed with something? Do you take medication for it? Are you relatively stable when you are not using drugs? Do you regularly see a therapist?

I have been off and on medications over the years. Currently I’m on lamictal. The issue is that when I’m not psychotic, the drugs they prescribe for it can be quite debilitating. I am staying on lamictal for now though.

I have been to a lot of inpatient programs which have made me very adverse to therapy. I’m considering going back to it but I’ve never really gotten much out of it. There have been maybe one or two times when drugs didn’t directly precede an episode, so I lean towards the theory that drugs are the primarily cause.

I’ve been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder - bipolar type

 

[washingtonbound]

Very sorry your going through this


Not to hit you with a plethora of questions right off the bat.. but do you only experience the psychosis after taking substances. Because your experience seems dependent on substance intake with long breaks in-between. what's life like in between these experiences? Share what you want... not trying to pry.

I’ve only had one or two instances where drugs didn’t directly precede it. In between episodes I tend to be pretty low energy and reserved. I have been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder but I sometimes wonder had I never gotten into drugs, maybe all this could’ve been avoided.

 

[Jerry Atrick]

I have been off and on medications over the years. Currently I’m on lamictal. The issue is that when I’m not psychotic, the drugs they prescribe for it can be quite debilitating. I am staying on lamictal for now though.

I have been to a lot of inpatient programs which have made me very adverse to therapy. I’m considering going back to it but I’ve never really gotten much out of it. There have been maybe one or two times when drugs didn’t directly precede an episode, so I lean towards the theory that drugs are the primarily cause.

I’ve been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder - bipolar type

I have the same diagnosis, schizoaffective, bipolar type. While my first psychosis could have been caused by weed, all the other ones thereafter seemed to happen more organically.

I'm also on lamictal, which is a mood stabilizer. That said, I don't think lamictal would do much for me if I wasn't also supplementing it with an anti-psychotic, abilify. Have you ever been prescribed an anti-psychotic that you stayed on or did you always quit when you felt "better"?

 

[paranoid android]

I had a psychotic episode which resulted in cotards syndrome but it wasent drug induced. I was in a psych ward 2 and a half years ago and i have to say fuck that shit im never going back. Eight now im on latuda and its working fine.

 

[washingtonbound]

I have the same diagnosis, schizoaffective, bipolar type. While my first psychosis could have been caused by weed, all the other ones thereafter seemed to happen more organically.

I'm also on lamictal, which is a mood stabilizer. That said, I don't think lamictal would do much for me if I wasn't also supplementing it with an anti-psychotic, abilify. Have you ever been prescribed an anti-psychotic that you stayed on or did you always quit when you felt "better"?

I have had terrible luck with antipsychotics. Every one of them I've been on has caused me to get extremely restless. Since I naturally have low energy, the antipsychotics really take it out of me even in low doses.

 

[xeplionisbad]

I have had terrible luck with antipsychotics. Every one of them I've been on has caused me to get extremely restless. Since I naturally have low energy, the antipsychotics really take it out of me even in low doses.

I also take risperdal and abilify now but im trying to stop abilify current dose is 30mg, im smoking weed dialy and i also had epsiodes , but have no diagnoses yet

 

[Juniper Willow]

All my psychosis stemmed from drug misuse. Irresponsible choices led to it. Psychedelics I no longer crave so forcefully as I realize I will enter psychosis on them without being sequestered while taking administered via shaman

I am not a shaman nor should I act like I am. Overdo it and you might lose it. That simple. Stay reserved in your consumption choices. I got extravagant and got more than I bargained for but never got hooked to a really hard street drug thankfully.

Will probably have a blotter on my tongue next month. No one put her there but me. Except I respect my dosage limits now through trial and error

 

[paranoid android]

I have had terrible luck with antipsychotics. Every one of them I've been on has caused me to get extremely restless. Since I naturally have low energy, the antipsychotics really take it out of me even in low doses

What anti-psychotics have you tried? Im on latuda now and i get no drowsiness from it. The only complaint i have about it is i may not be able to trip on it. Other then that it works great and i dont even know im taking it.

 

[washingtonbound]

All my psychosis stemmed from drug misuse. Irresponsible choices led to it. Psychedelics I no longer crave so forcefully as I realize I will enter psychosis on them without being sequestered while taking administered via shaman

I am not a shaman nor should I act like I am. Overdo it and you might lose it. That simple. Stay reserved in your consumption choices. I got extravagant and got more than I bargained for but never got hooked to a really hard street drug thankfully.

Will probably have a blotter on my tongue next month. No one put her there but me. Except I respect my dosage limits now through trial and error

If you have had psychosis I might encourage you to stay away from psychedelics. Don’t mean to preach but I’ve been in the same situation. Thinking I can control my dosage and next you thing you know I’ve lost it. In regards to taking them with a shaman, that can go south quickly as well, although you’re right that it’s not the same as doing things on your own.

 

[washingtonbound]

What anti-psychotics have you tried? Im on latuda now and i get no drowsiness from it. The only complaint i have about it is i may not be able to trip on it. Other then that it works great and i dont even know im taking it.

I’ve basically tried all of them and I hate it. Don’t know about latuda, don’t particularly care to find out. Right now I’m just taking lamictal.

 

[Eligiu]

I have been off and on medications over the years. Currently I’m on lamictal. The issue is that when I’m not psychotic, the drugs they prescribe for it can be quite debilitating. I am staying on lamictal for now though.

I have been to a lot of inpatient programs which have made me very adverse to therapy. I’m considering going back to it but I’ve never really gotten much out of it. There have been maybe one or two times when drugs didn’t directly precede an episode, so I lean towards the theory that drugs are the primarily cause.

I’ve been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder - bipolar type

I don't have schizoaffective disorder but I have bipolar type 1 with psychotic features so I can relate a fair bit to this, as well as the drugs causing many of your episodes. I stay far, far away from weed because of this exact reason and meth past a certain point also always causes me to go into a psychotic episode until the effects of the drugs wore off. A good friend of mine has a partner who ended up in an inpatient stay due to weed induced psychosis. He was completely convinced that all of his friends (excluding me, I was the only person he trusted because he knew about my mental health struggles) were plotting to kill him on his birthday. He sort of rationally knew there was something wrong with him but he couldn't stop believing the delusion. Over time he had a couple more episodes here and there, all caused when he smoked weed. He was put on Olanzapine for a long time to try and prevent this from happening and it seemed to work well. I'm on a mood stabiliser (sodium valproate) and an anti-psychotic (lurasidone) and the combination works really well for me.

I hate to be the one to say this, unless it's already been said in the thread but given your diagnosis you really do need to accept the need for medication for the rest of your life, or at least you need to stop using drugs which precipitate the psychotic episodes. It's one or the other. The medication can help if you continue to use, but it can't prevent episodes. I get psychosis when I use meth even on my medications.

I’ve basically tried all of them and I hate it. Don’t know about latuda, don’t particularly care to find out. Right now I’m just taking lamictal.

As mentioned I'm on latuda (lurasidone) and I've spoken to several people who have been on it who have had negative side effects from other anti-psychotic medications. They have all said that it was the least unpleasant of the lot with the most minimal side effects. I concur with them. I've been non-compliant with a great many medications due to not tolerating side effects well and I have no issues taking Lurasidone. But I can only give you my experience with it. It also very much helped my bipolar depression and I haven't had an episode since starting it nearly 3 years ago.