nuhsoaverage
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Dec 13, 2015
- Messages
- 4
I took a break from psychedelics, after my last trip on 5 8ths of shrooms, since five years. The trip was so intense that I gave into the hallucinations, and lost control over my reality during the trip. Perhaps, even an schizophrenic episode, who knows? Without going into much detail, I will lay out my trip briefly, to help put my thoughts forward.
The trip started with I seeing a black hole, and I trying my best from sinking into its core, which was pulling me inside in with immense force. At that moment, I thought to myself, which was better: to keep hanging around the fringes or actually give up the struggle and just sink within the hole. I distinctly remember, it felt like something broke inside my mind, and my logic got twisted. I started hearing bells, and felt like cosmos was trying to tell me something. I felt almost, as if I can render the earth asunder divide with just a point of a finger. I had two of my friends around, who found me in my bed tripping hard, who I thought were angels, sent to tell me something important about myself, which I refused to let them tell me. Plus, I felt like I could hear the thoughts in my friends' minds. Of course, this was all going on in my mind, but the intensity of hallucinations made it seem like that was the reality. Then I saw myself as God, and felt immense power, but at the same time intense loneliness. Then I saw myself as Adam ascended into the stars, and then at the temple of Solomon, fighting a Djinn, and then finally I met a man, who in reality was my friend, but during my trip seemed like a mystical figure who took me through what was apparently my life, and while I met this man, the eyes of this mystical guy turned green and the background seemed to have gotten covered with green vines. Lastly, when I was coming down from the trip, I saw money=God, which I had written on my whiteboard, which led me to the realization that physically people believe they act in accordance with God's will, when actually, everyone's actions were derived according to the monetary value of people and things around us.
A couple more details to add, but my trip happened in a religious context of Islam. I had an Islamic upbringing, with my family being very much abiding muslims, while I subscribe to my own set of believes, derived solely from my experiences. So, the ringing in my years, seemed parallel to Mohammad's supposed ringing when he had revelations, and while, I was tripping high as Adam, all names of Allah displayed across the stars, as I was ascended to the heavens. The experience shattered me. I was left being suicidal for a few days, experiencing myself first hand, only which I had heard or read, left me wondering. Plus, as a rational being, I knew that the entire ordeal was mushrooms, but the reality of things, left me with some questions, I have been trying to get my way out of. I was somewhere in the Midwest US, when I went through that crazy trip. And, it had been two years, since I had committed to searching beyond Islam on the premise: I will look for truth, so if Islam is the truth, then I will be led to Islam. However, my search has never been easy or conclusive, nor my questions any less.
As I mentioned, I did not consider myself muslim at the time of trip nor do I still consider myself muslim. If anything I consider myself a human, on a self-discovery, with the widest usage of the word muslim, which is anyone who believes in the One. However, the trip brought forward an existential problem, which I have been personally struggling with, especially since I had a strong leaning for linguistics, linguistic philosophy, semantics and the whole language, symbols, noise she-bang. As a seasoned, or at least I considered one before the last experience, shroom tripper, I have had some wild trips while nobody around me even noticed. I just learned to mimick what responses people expected out of me or what actions, as a "normal" person. However, the last time, the trip was so strong, that I lost my grip on reality. So, supposedly, if I had gone through that experience, without other people noticing around me, as I mimick to my best ability, nobody would even care trying what was happening inside of me, a shift of gigantic proportions according to my view, or nobody would notice the difference on my inside, even though we were all humans, and we are supposed to have this amazing thing called heart to reach out to other people. The problem created a divide between how I understood things, which include language, symbols, noise, any medium to convey meaning, to how those things were transferred to or perceived by other people. I noticed that I was stuck inside of my head, with the only means to communicate as language. Without language, I could not convey anything, let alone feelings. And, language on top of that is not the best medium to convey how we feel, think or understand. We usually play with approximations--at least that is how I felt. I would like to go into more detail on how words, noises or symbols we use for language derive different set of meanings based on individual experiences, but I guess that is for another thread. However, i felt like I will never be understood. With the most imperfect of tools like language being the only method, it mad me sad, and feel existential angst. The inability to ever completely share myself with anyone else, even a single soul, has made me sad.
Nevertheless, this problem has also given rise to me understanding life better. For instance, I have found that as I spend more times and experiences with someone else, I tend to share better meaning or understanding with him or her. Plus, my first reactions are what I have ingrained in my behavior rather than what I would think as appropriate. Also, I found that certain phrases or things develop or form different meaning, as I experience more life. It is not only restricted to the understanding I want to convey, it also works vice versa, where I can never be sure about what words mean or want to convey unless shown in the physical realm. For example, I am happy is a statement I cannot check whether a person is really happy or not. However, this is a cube, while pointing to a picture of a cube, gives me a more accurate picture. So, all the knowledge in the world renders itself useless, unless I practice or experience some part of it.
Another problem, I encountered was that the tripping reality, seemed and felt just like this reality. What if I wake up from this reality and find out a different set of axioms, which I was living to start with? Just because that reality was short lived and on chemicals, mean it is any less or inferior to this reality. I mean could the values of short life and being on chemical be just as meaningless or meaningful like any other value, unless I decide on it as good or bad based on my experiences. Ever since, I have been obsessed with the truth. What is the truth of this life? What is the absolute truth? What is the truth? I mean, it is a whole debate on what truth can be, but why cannot there be a truth, which allays all discussions, debates and reasons. One such truth has to exist, otherwise, we are doomed to chaos, I think. I like to believe there is an ultimate indivisible truth. I have no proof for it, but I like to believe it because that would mean that I may be connected to people around me, especially the loved ones, and that even if the language is not enough, then perhaps at some spiritual level my understanding or meaning as I see and want to convey, gets transferred if I try hard enough. If we have fragmented truths, then how will we ever jump towards the other person to even begin to understand, and where to jump from exactly to being with?
Lastly, I believe, the religious aspect of the trip was interesting. I did not consider myself Muslim, at the time of the trip, but the vivid imagery was astounding, especially since Islamic religious texts do not have any imagery since pictures or anything man made with eyes is considered a blasphemy. I remain in awe at how powerful the brain can be at developing such profound set of experiences, and how big of a role my upbringing has on my life, that even I perhaps have yet to realize it. I searched for a man in green mystic figure, and it apparently came as a mystic soul or saint in Islamic Mysticism, named as Al-Khizr, literally meaning the green one. I had not known about the attribute to Khizr, although I had come across him in Koranic story with Moses. However, it is possible that I had come across it, and remembered it subconsciously. Even then, it never seizes to amaze me, at how detailed my mind made the trip out to be.
The trip changed one distinct part of me. I have learned to give alternate views an honest chance from my point of view, and try to convince myself of it, with my existing prejudices.
Thank you for reading. Please, share your thoughts.
The trip started with I seeing a black hole, and I trying my best from sinking into its core, which was pulling me inside in with immense force. At that moment, I thought to myself, which was better: to keep hanging around the fringes or actually give up the struggle and just sink within the hole. I distinctly remember, it felt like something broke inside my mind, and my logic got twisted. I started hearing bells, and felt like cosmos was trying to tell me something. I felt almost, as if I can render the earth asunder divide with just a point of a finger. I had two of my friends around, who found me in my bed tripping hard, who I thought were angels, sent to tell me something important about myself, which I refused to let them tell me. Plus, I felt like I could hear the thoughts in my friends' minds. Of course, this was all going on in my mind, but the intensity of hallucinations made it seem like that was the reality. Then I saw myself as God, and felt immense power, but at the same time intense loneliness. Then I saw myself as Adam ascended into the stars, and then at the temple of Solomon, fighting a Djinn, and then finally I met a man, who in reality was my friend, but during my trip seemed like a mystical figure who took me through what was apparently my life, and while I met this man, the eyes of this mystical guy turned green and the background seemed to have gotten covered with green vines. Lastly, when I was coming down from the trip, I saw money=God, which I had written on my whiteboard, which led me to the realization that physically people believe they act in accordance with God's will, when actually, everyone's actions were derived according to the monetary value of people and things around us.
A couple more details to add, but my trip happened in a religious context of Islam. I had an Islamic upbringing, with my family being very much abiding muslims, while I subscribe to my own set of believes, derived solely from my experiences. So, the ringing in my years, seemed parallel to Mohammad's supposed ringing when he had revelations, and while, I was tripping high as Adam, all names of Allah displayed across the stars, as I was ascended to the heavens. The experience shattered me. I was left being suicidal for a few days, experiencing myself first hand, only which I had heard or read, left me wondering. Plus, as a rational being, I knew that the entire ordeal was mushrooms, but the reality of things, left me with some questions, I have been trying to get my way out of. I was somewhere in the Midwest US, when I went through that crazy trip. And, it had been two years, since I had committed to searching beyond Islam on the premise: I will look for truth, so if Islam is the truth, then I will be led to Islam. However, my search has never been easy or conclusive, nor my questions any less.
As I mentioned, I did not consider myself muslim at the time of trip nor do I still consider myself muslim. If anything I consider myself a human, on a self-discovery, with the widest usage of the word muslim, which is anyone who believes in the One. However, the trip brought forward an existential problem, which I have been personally struggling with, especially since I had a strong leaning for linguistics, linguistic philosophy, semantics and the whole language, symbols, noise she-bang. As a seasoned, or at least I considered one before the last experience, shroom tripper, I have had some wild trips while nobody around me even noticed. I just learned to mimick what responses people expected out of me or what actions, as a "normal" person. However, the last time, the trip was so strong, that I lost my grip on reality. So, supposedly, if I had gone through that experience, without other people noticing around me, as I mimick to my best ability, nobody would even care trying what was happening inside of me, a shift of gigantic proportions according to my view, or nobody would notice the difference on my inside, even though we were all humans, and we are supposed to have this amazing thing called heart to reach out to other people. The problem created a divide between how I understood things, which include language, symbols, noise, any medium to convey meaning, to how those things were transferred to or perceived by other people. I noticed that I was stuck inside of my head, with the only means to communicate as language. Without language, I could not convey anything, let alone feelings. And, language on top of that is not the best medium to convey how we feel, think or understand. We usually play with approximations--at least that is how I felt. I would like to go into more detail on how words, noises or symbols we use for language derive different set of meanings based on individual experiences, but I guess that is for another thread. However, i felt like I will never be understood. With the most imperfect of tools like language being the only method, it mad me sad, and feel existential angst. The inability to ever completely share myself with anyone else, even a single soul, has made me sad.
Nevertheless, this problem has also given rise to me understanding life better. For instance, I have found that as I spend more times and experiences with someone else, I tend to share better meaning or understanding with him or her. Plus, my first reactions are what I have ingrained in my behavior rather than what I would think as appropriate. Also, I found that certain phrases or things develop or form different meaning, as I experience more life. It is not only restricted to the understanding I want to convey, it also works vice versa, where I can never be sure about what words mean or want to convey unless shown in the physical realm. For example, I am happy is a statement I cannot check whether a person is really happy or not. However, this is a cube, while pointing to a picture of a cube, gives me a more accurate picture. So, all the knowledge in the world renders itself useless, unless I practice or experience some part of it.
Another problem, I encountered was that the tripping reality, seemed and felt just like this reality. What if I wake up from this reality and find out a different set of axioms, which I was living to start with? Just because that reality was short lived and on chemicals, mean it is any less or inferior to this reality. I mean could the values of short life and being on chemical be just as meaningless or meaningful like any other value, unless I decide on it as good or bad based on my experiences. Ever since, I have been obsessed with the truth. What is the truth of this life? What is the absolute truth? What is the truth? I mean, it is a whole debate on what truth can be, but why cannot there be a truth, which allays all discussions, debates and reasons. One such truth has to exist, otherwise, we are doomed to chaos, I think. I like to believe there is an ultimate indivisible truth. I have no proof for it, but I like to believe it because that would mean that I may be connected to people around me, especially the loved ones, and that even if the language is not enough, then perhaps at some spiritual level my understanding or meaning as I see and want to convey, gets transferred if I try hard enough. If we have fragmented truths, then how will we ever jump towards the other person to even begin to understand, and where to jump from exactly to being with?
Lastly, I believe, the religious aspect of the trip was interesting. I did not consider myself Muslim, at the time of the trip, but the vivid imagery was astounding, especially since Islamic religious texts do not have any imagery since pictures or anything man made with eyes is considered a blasphemy. I remain in awe at how powerful the brain can be at developing such profound set of experiences, and how big of a role my upbringing has on my life, that even I perhaps have yet to realize it. I searched for a man in green mystic figure, and it apparently came as a mystic soul or saint in Islamic Mysticism, named as Al-Khizr, literally meaning the green one. I had not known about the attribute to Khizr, although I had come across him in Koranic story with Moses. However, it is possible that I had come across it, and remembered it subconsciously. Even then, it never seizes to amaze me, at how detailed my mind made the trip out to be.
The trip changed one distinct part of me. I have learned to give alternate views an honest chance from my point of view, and try to convince myself of it, with my existing prejudices.
Thank you for reading. Please, share your thoughts.
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