breaking up while living together?

[swangin12]

I have been w my bf for three years and for about a year now i have known i should probably end it, except ive been too comfortable, broke and slightly fearful- fearful of not finding someone who is as affectionate as him and to deal w my baggage, fearful of making the wrong choice.

Its so hard. Financially it is possible to leave but it will be a challenge. Other than that, how and when wud i break up w him? whenever i try to communicate with him about important things, he just cant listen, gets frustrated and smokes a joint.he avoids everything, gets very defensive so its hard to talk to him at all. It makes me uncomfortable to confront him or discuss things that bother me. He always says things like wow youre making me feel bad. He also has a rly immature victim mentality, which causes him to not learn or grow from any mistake hes ever made. How can i be honest abt why i wanna break up and not have things get so sour?

 

[TacototheCloud]

As hard as it's going to be, you have to be honest with him and make a plan to leave. I would suggest having most, if not all of your "ducks in a row" before you talk with him (i.e. knowing where you're going to move, telling family and friends about the situation so they can be supportive, etc). The longer you wait the harder it will be and the more you will resent him/the relationship. I've been in this situation myself and moving out was the hardest part, followed by the all consuming feelings of doubt that lasted a few weeks. After a while though I realized how much happier I was. Ending that relationship was the best thing I could have done and I'm so glad I did. I ended up meeting the love of my life later that year!

 

[samnslumberland]

telling family and friends about the situation so they can be supportive

This is very valuable advice! If your SO is known to play the victim when you two have disagreements and is difficult to talk to, having the support of your family and friends is crucial as they'll help keep you focused on what you need to do (aka getting the hell out of this relationship).

 

[pofacedhoe]

if your with the wrong man how can you get with the right one if they come along. better to be free than someone who you dont admire or communicate well with

 

[lola]

Good advice here! I'd also say, if you really can't get through to him you can always write him a letter and make him sit down and read it...

Unless you worry he might get aggressive. In which case, it's probably best to move everything out when he's away and leave the letter on the dining table.

It's a really difficult situation but it does get better with time