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Boyfriend porn use. Do I confront him?

hunyul

hunyul

Greenlighter
Joined
Feb 5, 2017
Messages
15
I've come across downloads of porn, nothing downloaded that recently besides in Jan when he came back to see me as we were apart for some time. This obviously hurts to a degree. If my boyfriend confronted me about my own personal porn use, I would respect if they did not like it.

What do you suggest? As this will play on my mind a lot.

I am quite similar to the porn he watches. Blonde, petite and young looking. What he is watching doesn't make me feel insecure, maybe somewhat disrespected while we were together at that time on "holiday"

What hurts is that while we were apart and he has mentioned that he's previously had this issue with other girls. When we were together (whilst he downloaded porn) he found it difficult to cum and he put it down to possibly porn and masturbation technique. I told him to limit the porn and he said he would. Now, after being together for quite some months, he doesn't have this issue and can cum more easily. That's why it hurts.

What would you do?
 
Please don't be hurt by your boyfriend using porn. It doesn't mean he cares about you any less or that you're not fulfilling him sexually. Most men use porn to some degree. No matter what their relationship status is. I'm married and I use porn a few times a week. It doesn't mean I love or care for my wife any less. It does, however, mean I'm not a rabid horny dog looking for sex with anyone with a pulse.

How do you feel about watching porn yourself? Do you think it's something you could do with him? In any case, it sounds like you've spoken to him before. Tell him how you feel, and perhaps agree some boundaries. Although a complete ban on porn is unlikely to work.

Looking at the positive side, you are connecting better sexually than you were at first. That's a big plus. If that weren't the case then the issue would be very dysfunctional.
 
Speaking as a man, watching porn a lot and masturbating to it you begin to associate orgasm with the visual stimulation. This is why real sex can often pale in comparison.. if he has an addiction to porn, he's going to keep watching it regardless if he's with you or not. The visual stimulation of porn increases dopamine release so even though he's with you it still feels 'good' to watch porn..

I probably don't understand it from a female perspective, if my girlfriend watched a lot of porn it wouldn't bother me.
 
oh_yeah said:
Please don't be hurt by your boyfriend using porn. It doesn't mean he cares about you any less or that you're not fulfilling him sexually. Most men use porn to some degree. No matter what their relationship status is. I'm married and I use porn a few times a week. It doesn't mean I love or care for my wife any less. It does, however, mean I'm not a rabid horny dog looking for sex with anyone with a pulse.

How do you feel about watching porn yourself? Do you think it's something you could do with him? In any case, it sounds like you've spoken to him before. Tell him how you feel, and perhaps agree some boundaries. Although a complete ban on porn is unlikely to work.

Looking at the positive side, you are connecting better sexually than you were at first. That's a big plus. If that weren't the case then the issue would be very dysfunctional.
Click to expand...

Thank you for your response. How do I feel about watching porn myself? Fairly neutral. It most definitely could be something that I could do with him. However, the porn "genre" of his that I saw on his laptop is not something I could watch with him. The porn he watches doesn't interest me. It's men and women, young girls (teens) or punish teens, or "incest" with sister/father.
 
Pretty standard behaviour - some guys are more drawn to it than others. My ex was never into watching it, but then we just got real and decided to watch it together and talk about what we both liked or didn't like etc.

That helped get rid of any weirdness surrounding the whole aspect of porn in relationships. Share the experience...
 
hunyul said:
I've come across downloads of porn, nothing downloaded that recently besides in Jan when he came back to see me as we were apart for some time. This obviously hurts to a degree. If my boyfriend confronted me about my own personal porn use, I would respect if they did not like it.

What do you suggest? As this will play on my mind a lot.

I am quite similar to the porn he watches. Blonde, petite and young looking. What he is watching doesn't make me feel insecure, maybe somewhat disrespected while we were together at that time on "holiday"

What hurts is that while we were apart and he has mentioned that he's previously had this issue with other girls. When we were together (whilst he downloaded porn) he found it difficult to cum and he put it down to possibly porn and masturbation technique. I told him to limit the porn and he said he would. Now, after being together for quite some months, he doesn't have this issue and can cum more easily. That's why it hurts.

What would you do?
Click to expand...

The only reason why a man would be resorting to porn is because his girlfriend is not giving him any action. So if you are claiming that the reason why he was downloading porn websites frequently was because your separation from each other I would not worry about it. There is a possibility he no longer finds you attractive, or the type of sex you are having in the bedroom is no longer thrilling. Men have minds akin to that of what occurs in the porn that they are watching. There is a lot of different angles, changing of sex positions, dirty things occurring, talking out loud dirty words being spoken, they want to use there imaginations with a woman but a lot of woman are very prude or restrictive because they are afraid of looking or seeming like a slut. This becomes problematic in the bedroom because men just freely want to have dirty, raunchy sex and the women fantasize about it too but never readily act on it or they get uncomfortable. Instead they will read a book like 50 Shades of Grey but never tell a man that's exactly what she wants.

Men and Women both have fantasies so you are best off trying to find out what his are and what yours are. Right them down and act on them. Fulfill them, don't be shy. Women need to be more open to experimenting and the guy that you are with needs to be able to speak his voice without the woman getting uncomfortable. Same applies to the woman. Sometimes a woman wants to make love, sometimes she wants to fuck and this needs to be understood by both parties.

What I suggest is you both sit down and watch porn together. Get ideas for what each of you likes, then act on it, roleplay. Become the pornstars yourselves. This will make the sex life feel like something you never imagined.
 
There were quite a few responses that said to sit down and watch porn together. While you might be able to do that... it still doesn't mean that he isn't going to watch porn while he is by himself.

I am giving you a female perspective on this... just let the dude alone with this. Guys watch porn. You said your sex life together is fine.
So many times girls post in here about this topic.... while most times it has NOTHING to do with the girl.
I personally don't think girls should question men on this. Period.

Your question was "should I confront him?" Confront him about what? The fact that you are spying on him about what he is doing on the computer? Would you confront him if he wanted to brush his teeth? Change his socks? It's just something natural that all people do, maybe guys more than girls. His personal time, is just that... h i s p e r s o n a l t i m e.
 
I know that everybodies different, but I couldn't imagine being in a relationship where it was an issue.

I'd be more bothered that we weren't open enough to say whether we liked porn or not.
 
I think it is really weird when significant others get mad at their "other" for watching porn. who the fuck cares?
 
^ I think it's mostly younger, insecure girls who think it's about more than guys just jerking off. When really, that's all it's about.
 
hunyul said:
Thank you for your response. How do I feel about watching porn myself? Fairly neutral. It most definitely could be something that I could do with him. However, the porn "genre" of his that I saw on his laptop is not something I could watch with him. The porn he watches doesn't interest me. It's men and women, young girls (teens) or punish teens, or "incest" with sister/father.
Click to expand...

Nothing wrong with any porn unless it's of underage girls. People get turned on by weird shit because it's fantasy, they can't do it themselves and it feels sort of wrong which makes it feel good.
When men wank, it means literally nothing.
 
Im watching porn right now its just in the background as stimulation. Like a television or music it has nothing to do with love or relationships or not loving and being satisfied with a girlfriend.
 
In my mind being a dude I think it has to come down to personal insecurity..being a guy if my gf watched porn I wouldn't care but if all she watched was foot long dicks while mine is half that size I wouldn't like it..its normal tho to be upset that the sexual intimacy u want with just him is shared with a computer on his side.

i would laugh and get excited tho if I seen all she was searching for and it was all super weird crazy stuff she was preparing me for %)8o
 
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Unless it were to become a problem in our own sex life, I really don't care at all if my boyfriend watches porn
 
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