Hello, I am 26 suffering from excruciating depression that nobody understands. I live in California and have no health insurance. I am waiting for social services to give me a call so that I can get insured and seek professional help. I suffered a full blown manic episode lasting 2 months. My mind was going so fast thinking crazy thoughts and delusions that were not real. I also suffer from mild hppd that I forgot about and made my delusions seem more real. I lost my job, traded in my car that I should have sold instead, embarrassed myself in front of neighbors and the public, police were involved but luckily I did not go to jail, they thought I was normal. I honestly don't want to accept that I have bipolar disorder. I quit smoking medical marijuana after self medicating on it for 9 years. My first full blown mania was after a 3 day festival in which I took ecstasy all 3 days with little sleep thinking it's a normal thin to do at a rave. With the knowledge I have now, i was hypomanic before the rave in excitement and went full blown manic after and landed in the mental institution for a week. I have had manic episodes throughout in which weed triggered them. I was using weed for energy and thought it was a good thing to get my mind racing while high. Now that I'm older and suffered a really bad episode I am now in a deep depressive state. I was healthy with a good job going to the gym regularly but now I'm gaining weight so fast and cannot get out of bed. I sleep so much then wake up, read about bipolar disorders and past drug abuses then feel tired and go back to sleep. I would wake up and force myself back to sleep so much that I feel a weird pressure in my head. It scares me to the point of waking up but it's sad that i have to hate being conscious that much. If somebody could just give me advice or have been in my situation and how they got out of it I would really appreciate it. I really feel terrible and all I do is complain to the people that love me. I wish I was dead but I cannot commit suicide even though I would like too. Thanks for reading as venting through this site does make me feel better. Now I need to get off my bed and work my 3 hour shift doing dishes and making boba drinks.
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Mental Health Bipolar, major depression, need advice
- Thread starter Young_ile
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Well, i cant fix your problem because thats not how life works, but i do want you to know that there are a lot people on here, including myself, that are here for you if you need us. Sadly, there is not much i can do from this website, but if you get a chance to explain whats going on in your head to someone close to you, and let them know that you need some help getting through the days, i have a feeling that they would be more than likely able to help you out at least a little. And i want to make something clear, dont worry about being a burden to those around you, if you need help, ask for it. I think youd be surprised by how many people would be willing to try to understand whats going on with you and try to help in any way they can. For now, just try to take some small steps. Go for a quick walk around the block. I know that may seem a little silly, but getting yourself moving will help rid you of feeling overly tired, and hopefully it will give you some time to think, even if it is in a manic manner. Manic and hypo-manic episodes can be terrifying once theyre over, but if youre able to grasp the idea that they happen, you may be able to at least understand why youre doing some of the things you feel like doing. Im not sure how helpful any of this is, but im working on my graduate degree in psychology, so hopefully itll be useful
Il try to be active. I love sleep but hate waking up. It takes many times getting up/going back to sleep until my body/mind is feeling discomfort and I finally get up. It honestly takes a lot effort to get up. Sometimes I wake up with a racing mind and still go back to sleep. It's really sad. I don't know what to do. I'm trapped in my mind. I'm so lost in life. I want to be positive, I hope I can get better. I will try to be productive but I feel all is lost as of now.
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- Apr 4, 2006
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You definitely need to get insured and treated. The longer you leave Bipolar disorder untreated the worse it can get. Also MDMA is not kind at all to most people with Bipolar. I can take a good pill of MDMA or MDA or a mix of both and be mostly okay the next day but if i take a dirty pill or dose too high i am fucked when i come down. The worst comedown i ever had was after taking a really good MDMA/MDA pill and shooting up a gram of Coke on the comedown. I was suicidal for a good week or 2 afterwards and only for i had a very good friend to talk me through it i may very well have offed myself. I would suggest avoiding MDMA and all stimulants if it triggers your Mania or Depression. As for Cannabis i have found it to help my mood alot but some people and you sound like one of them, have real bad reactions to Cannabis. I never got any energy from it it would just stop my mind from racing over and it acts as a sorta mood stabilizer for me.
Really the best advice i can give you is get insurance ASAP and go see a Psychiatrist to get put on meds that actually work for you.
Really the best advice i can give you is get insurance ASAP and go see a Psychiatrist to get put on meds that actually work for you.
solidsnake77
Bluelighter
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- Mar 30, 2016
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- 82
Man I understand you, I am not diagnosed as bipolar but I know I have depression, with my ups and downs, but sometimes it's really exhausting and inhabilitating, especially the fact of don't be understood it for the people around you about this.
I am in this state since so much time, sometimes with improves for a days or weeks, and sometimes it get worst. For example, the last week I was with acelerated thoughts and so much energy and desire of do things, something weird in me. Now this week I feeling very depressed, everyday is a copy of the last one, except the weekends when I usually see my girlfriend, and I really don't like it that almost all my life is based in it, because I don't have a job and I can't find it, I don't study and can't pay taxes for another grade, and stuff like that you know...
I don't like this life I have and sometimes I feel so defeated, that sometimes I cannot avoid have suicidal thoughts, but I know that if I do something of that in one of my worst moments, my mother go behind me, and my girlfriend would be devastated their whole life or a big part of it, and they don't deserves something like this only because I don't like this life at all, and because I have a boredom as fuck day by day. I think someone that commit suicide, having people that belove him, it's probably the most selfish decision of their whole lifes, and I said this because I think that if I'll commit suicide that would be the most selfish decision of my whole life.
I was prescribed by duloxetine a few weeks ago by my dr (even I opened a thread about take or not take antidepressants), but I chose don't started the treatment. I tried ADs before a lot, and with the pass of time the const are above the pros. If I don't start with them is because I don't have an ''absolute crisis'', but sometimes I ask to myself what more should happens, before enter in one of them.
Life is hard, dude, and almost every morning that I wake up I think too in why stand up another morning to do the same bullshit, and I hate cannot sleep more.
In shot, one day more, one day less. Stay strong mate, hold on. My advise is that speak with someone around you like your family and try explain them your problem, and get a little help to the insurance. Maybe therapy works with you. I tried a few times, and unfortunately don't works to me. Or antidepressants, in major crisis maybe could be work.
I am in this state since so much time, sometimes with improves for a days or weeks, and sometimes it get worst. For example, the last week I was with acelerated thoughts and so much energy and desire of do things, something weird in me. Now this week I feeling very depressed, everyday is a copy of the last one, except the weekends when I usually see my girlfriend, and I really don't like it that almost all my life is based in it, because I don't have a job and I can't find it, I don't study and can't pay taxes for another grade, and stuff like that you know...
I don't like this life I have and sometimes I feel so defeated, that sometimes I cannot avoid have suicidal thoughts, but I know that if I do something of that in one of my worst moments, my mother go behind me, and my girlfriend would be devastated their whole life or a big part of it, and they don't deserves something like this only because I don't like this life at all, and because I have a boredom as fuck day by day. I think someone that commit suicide, having people that belove him, it's probably the most selfish decision of their whole lifes, and I said this because I think that if I'll commit suicide that would be the most selfish decision of my whole life.
I was prescribed by duloxetine a few weeks ago by my dr (even I opened a thread about take or not take antidepressants), but I chose don't started the treatment. I tried ADs before a lot, and with the pass of time the const are above the pros. If I don't start with them is because I don't have an ''absolute crisis'', but sometimes I ask to myself what more should happens, before enter in one of them.
Life is hard, dude, and almost every morning that I wake up I think too in why stand up another morning to do the same bullshit, and I hate cannot sleep more.
In shot, one day more, one day less. Stay strong mate, hold on. My advise is that speak with someone around you like your family and try explain them your problem, and get a little help to the insurance. Maybe therapy works with you. I tried a few times, and unfortunately don't works to me. Or antidepressants, in major crisis maybe could be work.