RodJonse
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Aug 26, 2012
- Messages
- 291
Hey Bluelight. This will be a long post, but you guys are generally used to that.
I've not posted here in a while so I'm not sure whether this goes in BDD or here. Mod can move it as needed.
See, my life has come to a bit of a halt. Honestly, a big halt. It's not because of the drugs I take, but drugs are preventing me from rectifying the situation. Part of it is that I've needed to move from Phoenix where I've lived for 23 years for my own mental health. Can't take it anymore. As a musician, I can't make anything anymore right now. I never feel good at all. My life has been the same for the past ten years and it's very depressing and (mentally + physically) painfully. I've been wanting to emigrate to Edinburgh along with a friend for a few years now. I'm not the kind of person who feels afraid or uncomfortable in a new locale and a different country. I'm just tethered down by issues, some of which pertain to family, some related to work, but the serious one keeping me here is drug-related.
I'm not going to need any sort of rehab treatment. I've always been the kind of person who can kick a habit on my own. I just need to do it.
So, long story short:
*Taken diazepam for almost four years, two 10mg tablets a day. As you'd expect, I no longer feel anything from it, even if I were to take 30mg.
*Taken kratom for almost five years - on a daily basis for three - right now taking about 20-28 00 size capsules as a dose, usually twice a day.
*Taken Prozac for nearly a decade, 40mg once a day, probably get very little out of it at this point.
*Taken amphetamine on a regular basis, 15.7mg of these new sublingual tablets. My Adderall dose was 25mg, then 30mg, back down to 25mg.
I also take codeine from time to time and drink a couple times a week but those aren't any issue.
Now, of those four, I'm mainly concerned with the Prozac and the diazepam. Need to note that I do *not* have mental addiction for any of these, only physical dependency.
See, I'd taken amphetamines before in my life. While I like them every now and then, they're not something I need. I took Adderall from late 2012 to late 2013 and quit, because I was sick of the comedowns. I love amphetamine, but as far as I'm concerned, it really has no abuse potential. Not for me. Its pros are always eventually weighed down by the cons if you take it more than once or twice a week or daily for more than a few months. Sweating, very little window of enjoyment followed by shitty comedowns...great drug, just only worth taking recreationally or to get you through some stupid shit you don't want to do occasionally.
Kratom, I'm not concerned about. I have a lot (courtesy of the big stupid scare that led to lots of stockpiling a little while ago) and I could taper, but I almost don't want to. I'd almost rather just stop and feel shitty for a week because I've done it before and know what to expect. I'm at the point now where even alternating strains, I get bad 'whiplash', as I like to call it. That vertigo-like feeling in your head that puts a stop to any good feelings you had. Just a clear sign you use it too much. Anyone who might have gone through withdrawal recently, let me know what you think I should do. I've been through opioid withdrawal three or four times in total in my life, only one with kratom, and I find it similar to a "three day hump" sort of thing like when you stop smoking. I'm confident I can do that.
What I've come here for real help on is quitting diazepam and Prozac.
While years ago, I would have (actually did a few times) been able to quit the latter on a whim and be fine due to its long half life, I can't after nine years of taking it. With diazepam, even though it's pretty much the easiest, even though it's basically what they give to get you off benzos, I still haven't begun a taper because I want to move on with my life quickly. I've heard with benzos that acute WD symptoms can manifest sometimes YEARS later. I don't know how true this is but it makes me want to avoid a near-cold turkey taper (where I basically just cut my dose down by half every ten days, which would have worked if I'd not taken it for more than six months). At the same time, I want OFF. I hate the drug. While I have had amazing experiences with z-drugs like zolpidem and other things that work on gaba like Soma, I do not understand the appeal of benzos anymore. Unless you take them for the recommended time of only six weeks max, they're not worth it, and recreationally it's all just way too fast of a tolerance buildup and way too slow of a withdrawal. As for the Prozac, I don't want brain zaps. I don't want terrible bouts of [whatever]. I can't imagine WD will take as long but I can't imagine that like kratom it'll be over in a week.
So yeah, how do I do this? What's the best way? Anything for benzos WD akin to what kratom is for opiate WD? What's a way to get a consistent dose when I can no longer score a tab (or can I get <5mg tabs I can cut in half?) without crumbling medicine? Is it safe to taper off an SSRI and start on a replacement one?
Answers would be very appreciated while I get myself to stop being a pussy and just do this shit already.
I've not posted here in a while so I'm not sure whether this goes in BDD or here. Mod can move it as needed.
See, my life has come to a bit of a halt. Honestly, a big halt. It's not because of the drugs I take, but drugs are preventing me from rectifying the situation. Part of it is that I've needed to move from Phoenix where I've lived for 23 years for my own mental health. Can't take it anymore. As a musician, I can't make anything anymore right now. I never feel good at all. My life has been the same for the past ten years and it's very depressing and (mentally + physically) painfully. I've been wanting to emigrate to Edinburgh along with a friend for a few years now. I'm not the kind of person who feels afraid or uncomfortable in a new locale and a different country. I'm just tethered down by issues, some of which pertain to family, some related to work, but the serious one keeping me here is drug-related.
I'm not going to need any sort of rehab treatment. I've always been the kind of person who can kick a habit on my own. I just need to do it.
So, long story short:
*Taken diazepam for almost four years, two 10mg tablets a day. As you'd expect, I no longer feel anything from it, even if I were to take 30mg.
*Taken kratom for almost five years - on a daily basis for three - right now taking about 20-28 00 size capsules as a dose, usually twice a day.
*Taken Prozac for nearly a decade, 40mg once a day, probably get very little out of it at this point.
*Taken amphetamine on a regular basis, 15.7mg of these new sublingual tablets. My Adderall dose was 25mg, then 30mg, back down to 25mg.
I also take codeine from time to time and drink a couple times a week but those aren't any issue.
Now, of those four, I'm mainly concerned with the Prozac and the diazepam. Need to note that I do *not* have mental addiction for any of these, only physical dependency.
See, I'd taken amphetamines before in my life. While I like them every now and then, they're not something I need. I took Adderall from late 2012 to late 2013 and quit, because I was sick of the comedowns. I love amphetamine, but as far as I'm concerned, it really has no abuse potential. Not for me. Its pros are always eventually weighed down by the cons if you take it more than once or twice a week or daily for more than a few months. Sweating, very little window of enjoyment followed by shitty comedowns...great drug, just only worth taking recreationally or to get you through some stupid shit you don't want to do occasionally.
Kratom, I'm not concerned about. I have a lot (courtesy of the big stupid scare that led to lots of stockpiling a little while ago) and I could taper, but I almost don't want to. I'd almost rather just stop and feel shitty for a week because I've done it before and know what to expect. I'm at the point now where even alternating strains, I get bad 'whiplash', as I like to call it. That vertigo-like feeling in your head that puts a stop to any good feelings you had. Just a clear sign you use it too much. Anyone who might have gone through withdrawal recently, let me know what you think I should do. I've been through opioid withdrawal three or four times in total in my life, only one with kratom, and I find it similar to a "three day hump" sort of thing like when you stop smoking. I'm confident I can do that.
What I've come here for real help on is quitting diazepam and Prozac.
While years ago, I would have (actually did a few times) been able to quit the latter on a whim and be fine due to its long half life, I can't after nine years of taking it. With diazepam, even though it's pretty much the easiest, even though it's basically what they give to get you off benzos, I still haven't begun a taper because I want to move on with my life quickly. I've heard with benzos that acute WD symptoms can manifest sometimes YEARS later. I don't know how true this is but it makes me want to avoid a near-cold turkey taper (where I basically just cut my dose down by half every ten days, which would have worked if I'd not taken it for more than six months). At the same time, I want OFF. I hate the drug. While I have had amazing experiences with z-drugs like zolpidem and other things that work on gaba like Soma, I do not understand the appeal of benzos anymore. Unless you take them for the recommended time of only six weeks max, they're not worth it, and recreationally it's all just way too fast of a tolerance buildup and way too slow of a withdrawal. As for the Prozac, I don't want brain zaps. I don't want terrible bouts of [whatever]. I can't imagine WD will take as long but I can't imagine that like kratom it'll be over in a week.
So yeah, how do I do this? What's the best way? Anything for benzos WD akin to what kratom is for opiate WD? What's a way to get a consistent dose when I can no longer score a tab (or can I get <5mg tabs I can cut in half?) without crumbling medicine? Is it safe to taper off an SSRI and start on a replacement one?
Answers would be very appreciated while I get myself to stop being a pussy and just do this shit already.
