BAD SHROOM TRIP - 1 year later... Any Advice or Help!??

[maryjaneHAC]

Hey Guys,

Thanks again for hearing me out. Ive been using this forum and the large knowledge base of this forum for years now and now is when I need help with a personal problem I am going through myself. Any advice or encouragement is more than welcome.

Anyways, to sum up what happened: I was at a Halloween festival (bad idea) and took shrooms with a friend. About 2 or 3 grams each. This was my third time doing shrooms and I had always had a pleasant experience. Anyways, I took it while I was at a concert I saw a girl that looked like her vains were on her face, it freaked me out, I tried to sit down as I got dizzy but I fainted. Then the bad trip ensued. It was like an intense depression and bad trips, and what tripped me out the most was thinking I had permanent brain damage of some sort. Anyways, I smoked weed to try to come down (bad idea) and eventually did.

For the first couple weeks after, I had the most intense anxiety ever. I lost weight from not even wanting to eat. I started running and excercising and that helped. After about 3 weeks it started to come down, and get lower and lower but I still have anxiety. I had never had anxiety before my trip.

Fast forward to today, which is about a year later. I still have the anxiety but ive began meditation about a month ago every day and its really helped reduce and sometimes eliminate the anxiety. Something I am really grateful for. However, I think I am tripping myself out lol .

I feel like I think there is still something wrong with me and so I constantly overanalyze my thoughts and its hard for me to just focus on doing something because I always have a thought in the back of my mind judging to see if its a wrong though, or if its a damaged though etc. And I know I am tripping myself out but I cant seem to just accept that nothing is wrong with me. Perhaps I forgot what it feels like to be in bliss or to be neutral but Its like I always have to dedicate some attention to analyzing myself.

When i smoke pot, I cant just be relaxed and in the moment. I have to constantly analyze if im having bad thoughts, or good thoughts, and blah blah and I just cant enjoy the music.

From when I had the bad trip to now, things have gotten 100x better and continue to get better but if anyone knows what is wrong, or what I can do to stop this loop, or tripping myself out that would be great. I go to the gym everyday and I consider myself very motivated.

Also, I feel like I am way too sensitive, like if I watch the Matrix is freaks me the fu&k out, or if i listen to a weird song. Its like it brings back bad feelings or paranoias.

Has anyone experienced something like this and how are you feeling now?

Thank you guys for any and all advice.

-H

 

[mr peabody]

Sorry to hear about your bad experience. Bad trip always equals too much substance for the situation. If you plan to be and about you need to be more cautious. Of key importance is that some people have a MUCH lower tolerance to psychedelics than others. By much lower I mean people you're with are taking 2-3 tabs (or grams of mushrooms) and having a great time and you can only safely handle 1/4 of that. This is PERFECTLY NORMAL. So no, there's nothing wrong with you. And you can avoid ever having another bad trip. Here's how.

Never listen to ANYONE concerning dose. Only you can establish your own tolerance. You do this by trial and error. Start with 1/4 tab, and if that goes well, next time try 1/2. You need to follow this procedure with every single batch of every single new substance. 1/2 tab of one substance can be MUCH stronger than 1/2 of another, so even if you did well with 1/2 of one, you can easily find yourself in over your head if you take 1/2 of something else. Always approach your tolerance gradually, by testing every new batch/substance yourself, first.

The disillusionment that follows a bad trip can take years to get past, but it can be done. I suggest getting back on the horse, in a small way. But steer clear of mushrooms (people who know will tell you that mushrooms are high anxiety for a lot of people). Look into ALD-52 which is readily available online. (30 mics would be a good starting point.)

People will disagree with me, and I'm fine with that, but never smoke pot when your tripping. That can easily cause a bad trip, and it's happened to me repeatedly. Smoking pot is sort of a "wolf in sheep's clothing" - one has the impression it's calming and a refuge of sorts, but it can wreck your life, and worse. Being stoned is like being in a box, a state of suspended animation - no one can reach in to your space, and you can't reach out. Relationships suffer terribly. It's impossible to move on, so one just stays in the same place indefinitely. Most of the people I used to know are still lost after all these years and they don't even know it. If you want a happy life, I suggest you walk away from smoking pot and never look back.

Seen this? : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JTehpkc1PNY

 

[Solipsis]

I wouldn't just randomly or casually smoke weed during a trip, no. Only when you feel so experienced and in control (well not literally, I mean feeling in control or not needing to have a grip, being able to let go is a form of control over your fears and anxieties, will get to that in a minute), then you can slowly add the weed making it stronger, then would I say is it an option. It doesn't bring you down but back up, don't be fooled by weeds potential to relax you in other cases.

I think most bad trips essentially revolve about fears of letting go, of anxiety about feeling like you lose control, like things involuntarily slip away from you... I think it is a symptom of what also happens during 'ego death': you feel like you are ceasing to be, that triggers all kinds of defense and survival mechanisms.
It would not be that surprising if now every time you feel a little trippy or stoned, this brings back the same primal feelings of vigilance because you are paranoid about slipping in such a state again where you lose yourself and your sense of what's going on and what's real. That kind of fear is not the same as actually getting in trouble from not knowing what is real or imagined, the latter of which is more like a psychotic thing.
Usually it is harmless to temporarily be in a trip state like that, in reality you can just expect to have your senses returned to you when the trip ends. It's the irrational fear of the unknown, not knowing what you will find in such a state, what you might do during it, what the actual risks are to your health or life.
Personally I used to be afraid as well, especially as I got close to ego death: it made me question whether or not there would be a slight chance of flipping out and doing things as if I was 'blacked out'. The slightest chance of that would freak me out, fear exploits any ground it can grow on. Later I learned the differences between blacking out (not recording memories), disinhibition (having no restraints in behavior, this often happens as well when blacked out which is confusing), and mystical states like ego death where you don't lose restraints but awareness.
In special cases these things might happen at the same time, but that would involve really losing yourself in several ways like becoming delirious, that doesn't just happen!

It may require experience to understand important differences, and to know when you can expect these things to happen. Inexperienced people may stumble into it. Reading or learning about it helps but is not a total substitute for experience.

I guess it's not entirely irrational because for all you know it's really much more risky. I'd say unless you have clear signs of mental instability and inability to cope with psychedelics (for example from being sensitive to go psychotic), the fears and anxieties that people drive themselves crazy with are far worse than the real issues, and are a form of self-fulfilling prophecy.
What's irrational about it though, is that it is not concrete: you are unsure of what it is that might be scary of risky exactly because it is so unknown.

I wouldn't say go tripping again, full on power trips without a worry, but next time you want to smoke a little weed or take a mild trip, explore that feeling and see if you can realize that it is that sort of anxiety you are feeling and if you can complement it with the opposite: a feeling of trust that you can't really lose yourself, that you'll be fine as long as you keep an eye on things like your ability to know what is real when you're sober, isolating yourself, hearing voices, being very confused.

So my advice is: try to separate your fears from your confusion, treat your fears and expose them for what they are, challenge them and prove that there is not something scary or evil lurking anywhere but that the fears are themselves the monsters. Just go step by step and don't get yourself mixed up in way too much confusion... it's very unhelpful if you set yourself up for things you can't cope with well.

 

[Old Scratch]

Its not exactly the same, but I experienced a very traumatic event from a non-drug related event that created somewhat similar results. I'm still trying to learn how to cope with my increased propensity towards anxiety. It really sucks. I also have dealt with manic depression for most of my life. Something that I have found very helpful are coping skills that I learned from a book called "Feeling Good" which is about using cognitive behavioral therapy to deal with depression. It is all about being self aware in a constructive way, ie becoming aware of self defeating thought/behavior patterns in an effort to adopt more constructive ones. Good luck.

 

[Tranced]

I've had this. I think that the mushrooms are trying to cause you to live a life free of fear. Its an ancient philosophy isn't it? Live your life with love and not fear. But you've got to lose yourself to find yourself.

One of the most important things I've learnt is that I don't have to entertain sketchy thoughts that enter my mind. I have control over them, even if I sometimes forget.

 

[phuckingnutz]

Try not smoking weed for a month or two and see if that helps.
I know you said weed makes you relax, but it might be affecting you on a level you're unaware of...?
Anyway, that'd be my advice for starter and then, IDK, but weed never helps freaky thought patterns, for me IME, it makes it much worse.
Also,and this is a toughie, try not to think about not thinking the thoughts you think you shouldn't be thinking. That, in itself. will increase your anxiety and will only make things worse, I think.