Anxiety when it comes to love/ lovey-dovey things

[dipitch]

Hi guys,

I'm kinda weird right now, so excuse, if this is more gibberish than anything else.

I'm 24, a girl and never had sex or a relationship. Doesn't matter why, well, my theory is, I'm just weird with people and my emotions. I am a master of masturbation - a masterbater, though - so there is that.

I just recently started the sex chat game and registered at kik and found out, that, looking at nice penises gets me actually super horny (crazy, right?!....kinda is for me, cause I'm also not sure if I like the boys more or girls more).

Then I found this guy and we skype-masturbated to each other after 5 minutes of writing. Afterwards, we chatted normally about nothing in particular. This happened 3 or so times. And yesterday I felt like a serious crush-storm coming on and I'm getting nervous.

So here is the thing and I know I can't be alone in this:

Whenever I feel I like someone/ get a crush, I feel so stupidly vulnerable. I even know that this is pretty normal or even the "thing" about love. You have to go for it and what not. But I always get way too brainfucked by my own thoughts and feel like the best thing would be breaking up the contact completely. But that's no way to live. And with this dude, I actually have the chance of meeting him in some weeks and fucking him for real, which would be awesome.......



So: anyone else experienced something like this and know how to handle the situation better? Any advice? Anything at all? Please and thank you and love you all

 

[MissVL]

I remember when I was a virgin I had the same anxiety, to the point where I just had sex so that I could overcome that barrier/fear.
You need to give it a chance if you're interested in each other, it might not last but you may get to have some great times together while it does - and IMO that makes it worth it.
As a virgin it can all be a bit terrifying but I'm just going to reassure you that sex can be amazing and letting go of any fear and anxiety you have will only make the experience better.
Good luck ♥

 

[neurotic]

i think you already have the answers... "you have to go for it and what not"

remember that being able to feel weak (vulnerable) is where the real strenghth is. there is not much left to say, to overcome your fear you have to face it, it's the only way.

wish you good luck with the dude though, go for it!!!

 

[queenbee1127]

I feel like it's completely normal to be nervous at the thought of pursuing a relationship with someone you really like. Shit, I'm 26 and still feel this way even after multiple boyfriends/sexual relationships. You just have to push through it, there's no magic cure. The more you do it, the more comfortable you will get.

 

[llama112]

I understand that feeling completely. I have anxiety although I was able to get past it in regards to relationships when I was a bit younger. It's hard but sometimes you have to just go for it. Try something. Because after you try it for the first time, it won't be as scary the next time.
My first relationship was so scary. Everything about it was scary. But it made my second relationship so much easier. Getting through all the hard things and realizing it isn't that bad after all.

Good luck

 

[pofacedhoe]

your having the least physically risky form of disconnected non sex- a skype wank.

surely that tells you that you should meet real men/women in real life. its not the same

real sex feels animalistic and makes you forget you are you in the moment. skype is not much up from porn really

relationships are more scary for me that one off sex.

 

[dipitch]

That's what mean. I'm really not worried about the sex part, but for example, right now, I can't stop thinking about him in sex and non-sex-ways, and we only just met and that scares me. I just got sober /or quasi-sober and I think it's just hormones or all the feelings I bottled up over the years that are now overflowing or something.

But I noticed this before. Whenever it's time for the next step, emotionally, I back up. Hm, I know where part of that comes from and I'm working on it. It's mostly insecurity.

Right now, he's waiting on skype (he doesn't even necessarily want to have skype-sex), but I'm scared, because 3 hours before I told him that I thought of him todayand feel like a complete idiot, even though he told me quite the same).

I think I *want* to have problems haha...ah man, this is just stupid. I don't know, close the thread, I guess?

 

[P.o.T.u.S]

Its not stupid..dont feel like an idiot because u told him u thought of him..im a guy and i would love hearing that..if he thinks of u as being an idiot for saying that hes not worth your time..he might be as nervous as u..its okay to be vulnerable,just take it slow and go at your own pace..i think its adorable u are so nervous..i used to be the same way..even at your age (im 27 now) i had trouble expressing my emotions.still not the best but i just met girls that were patient with me and it helped tremendously..everything happens for a reason and u will know when it feels right.

If u feel that u are overthinking things just come on here and put your feelings in words or start a journal, it helps get it out of your head and no one here is goin to judge u we all have fears and anxietys and sometimes all it takes is another person to give u the extra push/encouragement u need.ive always regretted not going for the girl ive wanted,ive never regretted going for it..don't let fear guide u, just be patient and feel it out in person before u invest any serious feelings and emotion..good luck!! :D Im rootin for ya!!

 

[Clitnhawk]

That was an excellent description... Skype-sex is porn. You have nothing but good advice here. I used to be shy.. read books on it, self help. Meet guys in real life. You'll get your hear broken a few times, it's scary. BUT its true. Better to have loved, then to not have loved at all. When you do FALL in LOVE with someone, you're giving them a piece of you. After a break up many yeas ago, it was hard for me to open my heart again - but I did, I know the place and time I open the cage and gave it to my current love (IMHO last).

Even if you're over-weight or like anime - there are guys out there who are FAR more scared than you. You can be a shy person who looks like a super-model, and never date of course. THAT does happen.

So you date, you gain experience in love making and dating. Otherwise you're missing out... so call up some girl friends you know, and make it a ladies night. People watch... talk to new people. *I* used to be shy, no sex, no dating. I made a point to work on myself, start meeting people, dating and experience life. Of course, that will add some bullshit to your life... but hey, because I made a point to LEARN how to date and talk with people. It gave me the courage to say "may I buy you a drink" to a woman, then kiss her, sex, then marry her and started a family. Something I dreamed of at your age, but didn't start until I was 30.

The guy on Skype... unless he's in the same city and you think you'll both go on real dates.... its just playing a fantasy. Have fun with it... but really - you need to date guys in the real world. Even if you meet them on OkCupid or other dating site. I never dated anyone from the online world... but some of my friends have, including a female friend of mine who meet her husband on a booty-call meetup from OKcupid.

As you get older, it may get harder for you to break out. There are 40, 50+ yr old virgins... Some for stupid reasons, not including asexual people. Hopefully, the guy who introduces you to sex, is someone who respect you as a person... but that is your call. IMHO, I wouldn't recommend "falling" for the first person you have sex with, hence - a respectful casual relationship... it removes a lot of pressure from the both of you. While I've never been with a virgin, I wouldn't want to break in a 25+ yr old woman... in general. She could be clingy and have a huge crush... I've had some issues with limited experience women. I've seen a mid-20s friend lose his cherry to a young woman, as friends and I expected and worried about - he married the first girl he had sex with. That turned into sucky 3 year marriage.

And yes, I now about over thinking... it hinders your more than helps. Set some goals that you can do. steps.
1 - I can do this. (you can. really).
2 - I will have fun, even with failure.
3 - I will learn from my mistakes. After each date you go (same guy or different) think about what went good and bad.
4 - I will be safe. Phone number / condom / wing-men or wing-women.
5 - Everything is a learning experience.
6 - with that experience, you will find the man who loves you.

I was catching up with a friend on FB recently. Even after we casually dated for 6 months - it never really took off. She's cute, she's fun. We HAD fun. Never a fight or anything bad. I never felt fireworks with her.
My wife, was fireworks on the first kiss - which was something both of us felt that night. And afterwards, I felt like a kid - nervous and scared that she didn't feel the same. But she did feel the same. And was worried that I wouldn't call back.

If you think your emotions are *high* now... wait until you meet *the one*, in the meantime - everyone else is practice.

If I never took that first step and continued on... well. Imagine where you are today, and imagine that you're 34 and nothing has changed...

Only YOU can change your path.

 

[Joker11789]

Just relax , man I love girls like you ..seem innocent but have a freak side .. Everyone has there preferences but I suggest you try to lose your virginity before you're 30 just in case it turns out you love it and don't mind all the bs that comes with it ...

As for feelings...eh you can't help how you feel... If you like the kid it's ok what's wrong with that maybe he's weirder in a good way? Lol

Just have fun we are only young once right?

 

[dipitch]

Here's an update, if you're interested:

He came to my city, we met and had a great week. Had sex, except the first time it was amazing (not, because it hurt, but because I was a little anxious and didn't come. Turns out I love sucking his dick and I can achieve vaginal orgasms.

I now know, that my anxiety comes from insecurities...in general. Now, that I've met him, I feel as if I'm not good enough, but I'm working on that, so all is ok.

I'm planning on visiting his town so that we can finally spend some nights together and wake up in each others arms.

Thank you all for your anwers, they really helped me. I think one of the best advice I read was: the relationship may not last, but you can still have a great time together.

True that. So thanks.