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Advice .. the realisation that I'm stuck in a relationship with emotional abuse

S.M.F.G

S.M.F.G

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 5, 2008
Messages
2,137
I have been seeing a girlfriend for about 6 months and things moved quickly after 2 months she's wanting to get married, there is some good times but I am far from perfect with my drug use, she is prescribed 3 different benzos, Lyrica, Seroquel and about 3 other meds for seizures. Every time she gets her pile of pills it's automatically eat a bunch of everything gets all fucked up and orders me around with the biggest slur, can't even climb into bed she sits on the floor on the tilt. I really am trying my best to help her but sadly doesn't listen to my advice. Every pay day she's straight up asking for hundreds of dollars so she can get on the ice and as it stands now I'm feeling like I'm being used and abused there's aleready thrown plates and other things in anger, the Christmas tree was ruined and right I feel like I'm being used. First 2 months were good, but after that this slurred yelling and do this and do that sometime it's 3 tasks and I may be doing something but there's hell to pay if I don't immediately drop what I'm doing and run around doing as she wishes.il I fell asleep today after some Lyrica and a few drinks. I've woken up, The lounge room is all messed up, I've spent the last few hours being yelled at, being called a dog which is not a word that you say unless it's a actual scum bag. I'm being emotionally abused for having a nap in this instance, while she's had her handful of pills, she's now at the point where she just eats and sleeps unless she's on the ice and after when she's coming down I know that I had better watch out because an argument will start. Now I am a diplomatic kind of person I'm a bit of a psychonaut so when I am getting treated like shit and she wants to throw a fit I try to camly defuse the situation by saying that I don't want to argue and sometimes I just walk across the street to the river so there's no fighting, I do have a lot of love for her but she can't admit that she has a drug problem. I just don't know what to do I am very straight forward with my communication and have frequently accepted the fact that I have drug issues with pharma drugs I take LSD once or twice a month and DMT at least once every 6 months, I do this elsewhere because I don't want her to start and make my trip turn bad. I'd really like to hear about what you folks think about this situation because I am doing best to make her happy and look after her but as t it stands now I am feeling like I am in a toxic relationship and I don't know what to do or how I can get her to realise that she has drug issues and when she's messed up I just feel like a slave. I've met a few of her friends and all she does is bag me out and make me feel unhappy. Fellow bluelighters please give me your opinion as I have very few real friends and I'm at the edge of the cliff peace and love to all of you I am a being of light and I shine that light at people and it always seems to make a positive effect. Please help me out with your thoughts.
 
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What's wrong with me? I guess I am just really fucked up, generalised anxiety disorder, panic attacks, PTSD,and bouts of agrophobia. As for masturbation well I was just in the shower after an hour of pornhub. The issue I am seeking advice for is my current situation and the payouts yelling and things getting thrown around, I want to help this woman but I feel lingl ike I am just being used and abused for money to get her ice which is a bad thing sometimes 50%of my payment goes to her and it all goes in her arm.
Not to forget the massive amount of benzos and Seroquel that she gets fucked up on and the fact that often she's swapping her benzos for ice and runs out early making the whole situation worse.
I'm far from perfect but her getting on the ice is fine for her, I had a packet of heroin and had my shot then when I started to go on the tilt I got nothing but a cop out when I was just trying to just enjoy the hit. It's like good for the goose but not for the gander.
 
I'm sorry to hear that you're suffering like this.

Convincing yourself that you are "stuck" is largely the issue here. If you're not happy, then you're in control of changing it.

I don't intend to insinuate that it's easy; trust me, I know it isn't easy.

My advice is to get out of this relationship as it probably exacerbates the issues you have with anxiety, PTSD, and agoraphobia.
 
@S.M.F.G Since you seem to be in a not-so-responsive "stream of consciousness" mode, I think the first advice should be to come back to this thread when you're sober.

I concur with @Mysterier, but I don't think OP needs to be told to get out of this relationship because he is already using language like emotional abuse, toxic, slur, and slave. More likely he does not know how to manage leaving the relationship socially and thinks that it is his responsibility to take care of his girlfriend, who he also thinks cannot take care of herself.

However, he isn't capable of saving her anyway; she could be fatally overdosing right now and neither you nor I would expect OP to have Narcan or know how to use it, and in any case you usually won't get there until it's too late.

The problem is that what S.M.F.G thinks needs to do is find an easy way out of this relationship, but what he actually needs to do is take a job an hour across town, move into the first nearby room that comes up on Craigslist, either join a weekly therapy group or attend religious gatherings, go to a methadone clinic, stop hanging around people who can provide the comfortable illusion that "my heroin use isn't so bad because I use less than she does", and never, ever, ever look back as though God Himself would literally turn you into a pillar of salt.
 
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I really appreciate the input and have to say that what has said is good advice, yes I struggle with society and also have adjustment disorder so change for me is so difficult.
And yes I am pretty fucked up I've had a sheet of Lyrica since yesterday and redosed a few hours ago. So with that said I will take a break from posting and just check on this thread to see if as anyone else has thoughts or advice. Again I thank you all for your input❤️
 
S.M.F.G said:
I really appreciate the input and have to say that what has said is good advice, yes I struggle with society and also have adjustment disorder so change for me is so difficult.
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Look man, I don't expect you to do all of that stuff I said, but you should think about it. Imagine doing it. Really visualize what it would be like.

It's much better to accept the discomfort that comes with change, think about these stressful situations, and let yourself be uncomfortable thinking about it, so that it will be easier to delay gratification. You have to choose to be uncomfortable sometimes, and to be stressed sometimes, because in the end the reward that comes from doing so is much greater than the momentary reward of giving in.

I'm sorry that this is happening to you. Every now and then people fall in holes. If they're very lucky, someone pulls them out. Usually, they have to climb. It's not fair. But if you don't start climbing, you'll still be in a hole.
 
Stuck? Give me a fucking break. Just leave the relationship. Its not like its the end of the world or anything even remotely close to that.
 
All I have is:
Don't give all your cash to the drug "game".
Put some aside for when you decide to bounce (as bounce you will). It is a lot easier to get up when ya got a little change, ya know? Broke ass ni**as rarely make a move. Just my experience and observation.
I hope for the best as odds are this wont get any better any time soon, friend.
<3
 
i don't know the whole situation but going by what i'm reading i would personally handle this situation by ghosting her completely. quietly tying up the loose ends with the landlord first and then moving stuff out while she's gone and just disappearing.

frankly, someone who "throws plates" is liable to go violently ballistic on the news of a breakup and you don't want to be near her when that happens because uncomfortable consequences can befall you.
 
There are times to be civil and try to fix things

There are times when you secretly make a plan to completely move out and dissapear in a couple hour window while shes away

I think this is the latter, my friend. I've been in some abusive relationships, but when heavy drugs are involved, there is literally nothing to be done until after heavy rehab. Nothing. Cut ties completely. If you want to leave an explanation, that's up to you, but either way she'll probably try to latch back on. Dont let her.

Drugs consume your life, body, and soul. If you are connected to her, you are risking those too. If someone is drowning, panicking and thrashing, you dont jump in to save them, they'll take you down. It's sad, but this is one of those cases. She needs to figure it out on her own, and enabling her isnt helping.
 
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