Hangryghost
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Apr 20, 2016
- Messages
- 12
Hello and thanks in advance for reading, I tried very hard to make it worth your while!
Backstory: I've been on Adderall since July 2014. I began taking more than my prescribed 10mg/day almost immediately; by November 2015 it began to get "bad" and it's been a steady decline from there. Almost every day I'd take an average of 70mg in the course of a day (rare occasions up to 100mg), which would end with a crash. I'd stop only if I felt I had to, sleep all weekend and do it all again. I had to keep taking it despite feeling like mental and physical shit by mid-week to get through work.
Most recently, I quit the stuff for about 9 days. But then, I refilled the Rx, and since then things have been worse than ever. Over 11 days I took 725mg; over the weekend there was also copious alcohol, and light benzos throughout. I was taking .5mg klonopin as needed before this even started, and my use has escalated to at least .5mg per day ever since, sometimes up to 3mg over the course of a day, to keep myself from totally freakin out.
Main question: Obviously I need to get it together. But the question I'm obsessing over is: would this qualify as a binge? I feel like I don't understand what that word actually means. I feel like other people's descriptions of binges sound less appalling than what has been happening during my "streaks," and have involved higher doses over shorter periods. Yet I feel like I'm about to stroke out half the time, all the while wondering if maybe taking MORE is, counterintuitively, the answer. I'm wondering if I'm doing something wrong (besides binge-ing in the first place of course), or if I'm just being dumb and this is your standard binge. Perhaps it is just your standard idiocy?
Secondary but arguably more pressing question: I crashed very hard last night (uncontrollable crying, thinking I was having a heart attack and all that), but did manage to get about 7 hours. But I have to do a lot of stuff today and tomorrow; my parents are visiting and I leave at 6:30 am on Sunday for weeklong vacation (thank god). So yeah, I took more today despite feeling like a (sane, at least) corpse: 70mg so far and my corpse status remains only vaguely improved. So my secondary question is:
Backstory: I've been on Adderall since July 2014. I began taking more than my prescribed 10mg/day almost immediately; by November 2015 it began to get "bad" and it's been a steady decline from there. Almost every day I'd take an average of 70mg in the course of a day (rare occasions up to 100mg), which would end with a crash. I'd stop only if I felt I had to, sleep all weekend and do it all again. I had to keep taking it despite feeling like mental and physical shit by mid-week to get through work.
Most recently, I quit the stuff for about 9 days. But then, I refilled the Rx, and since then things have been worse than ever. Over 11 days I took 725mg; over the weekend there was also copious alcohol, and light benzos throughout. I was taking .5mg klonopin as needed before this even started, and my use has escalated to at least .5mg per day ever since, sometimes up to 3mg over the course of a day, to keep myself from totally freakin out.
Main question: Obviously I need to get it together. But the question I'm obsessing over is: would this qualify as a binge? I feel like I don't understand what that word actually means. I feel like other people's descriptions of binges sound less appalling than what has been happening during my "streaks," and have involved higher doses over shorter periods. Yet I feel like I'm about to stroke out half the time, all the while wondering if maybe taking MORE is, counterintuitively, the answer. I'm wondering if I'm doing something wrong (besides binge-ing in the first place of course), or if I'm just being dumb and this is your standard binge. Perhaps it is just your standard idiocy?
- Are most binges accompanied by tons of muscle pain and the sort of physical sensations that make one paranoid, constantly, that they are about to die?
- Not once during these 11 days have I gone fully without sleep, though my max was probably 7 hours, last night. Does a binge mean a streak sans sleep?
- If this has truly been an 11 day binge, why haven't I hallucinated or anything of the sort, as a fair number of other accounts seem to include?
Secondary but arguably more pressing question: I crashed very hard last night (uncontrollable crying, thinking I was having a heart attack and all that), but did manage to get about 7 hours. But I have to do a lot of stuff today and tomorrow; my parents are visiting and I leave at 6:30 am on Sunday for weeklong vacation (thank god). So yeah, I took more today despite feeling like a (sane, at least) corpse: 70mg so far and my corpse status remains only vaguely improved. So my secondary question is:
- was this incredibly stupid,
- am I going to die, and
- if not, what will happen to me, and
- what should I do for the remainder of the day to ensure I don't die or have a mental breakdown in my parents' presence?