ForcePower8
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Nov 18, 2015
- Messages
- 12
Hello all, I wanted to share some thoughts I've been having lately and see if anyone else reciprocates my feelings. I've noticed (as have most people I think) that over time the quality of my imagination deteriorates as I grow older and leave childhood behind. I'm sure everyone is aware of this phenomenon within their own mind as they themselves grow older. I, however, do not know how similar others' experiences are to mine for a variety a reasons, but the primary one would probably be that I have Asperger's Syndrome, which sometimes makes it difficult for me to understand other people's viewpoints.
When I was a child my imagination was incredible. Adults and fellow children alike would always complement me for it, so much in fact that I became extremely accustomed to being viewed as the "highly imaginative" guy. This probably didn't help foster a sense of humility in me, especially if you are to take in to account the narcissism we aspies appear to display, but it at least gave me a sense of purpose and identity. Compounded by my natural lack of sociability, I would often be off, separate from the other kids, lost in my own little world. To maybe give you the best picture of what I mean by "my own world", I think I must say that, in complete honesty and without any exaggeration, the imaginary world that my mind created was more real to me than the actual physical world around me. From pre-school to about fourth grade it was almost as if the imaginary realm was "superimposed" on reality in a very literal sense, covering up what was actually there and replacing it with the fantastical. The best example of this I can think of is how when I was young I would lay awake in bed at night, staring at the ceiling. My bed would always be surrounded buy a force field bubble structure and the air outside would be swarming with dozens of faint, swimming cartoon critters. They were faint and could only be seen in the dark, but they were as real as you or me. They were there.
During the day the phenomenon of the imaginary replacing reality continued, but more in a "mind's eye" way than the more literal presence of my bedroom critters. Despite this, I was so focused on this level of my perception that it took the forefront of my attention rather than my real, immediate surroundings. The personality's of the imaginary people and places were so interesting that I found "real" people to be rather dull in comparison and avoided socializing with them. This continued up until I was about ten before I shifted more into a reality-based way of living. Now, as a college freshman, my AS is so mild that most people are surprised when and if I tell them. The only remaining symptom seems to be that my general lack of desire to socialize has persisted, but for different reasons. I probably still have an above average imagination for my age, and I can create cool short stories and fiction pieces, but it is nothing in comparison to the reality-warping machine that it used to be.
Sometimes now when I look back I feel neutered in comparison to my old self's abilities. I yearn to return to when I could live in this state, and when I remember the bliss that accompanied it I lament the fact that it is gone. My questions are as follows: how many others' minds were like this when they were young? Does every child have this ability, or did I just get lucky? And if not everyone had it, could it be related to the Asperger's syndrome in any way? Some people seem to believe that AS actually REDUCES your ability to imagine, which I can't for the life of me understand. If it is related to AS, are there any other aspies on here who can relate? The final and most important question is whether or not I can reclaim this ability and how. The dreadful rot of ennui has plagued me for awhile now, and this ability would prove super useful in reclaiming some enjoyment of life. I've had suspicions that perhaps some psychedelics aid in inducing this effect in the short-term, as a lot of psychedelic art reminds me of the mindset I was in as a kid, but I would also like to look into more permanent, easy to obtain, and well... legal, methods as well.
So sorry for the really long post :/. I know I must have come off as really narcissistic talking about myself so much, but the truth is I'm really interested in hearing your experiences as well and just wanted to explain adequately what I meant. Thank you in advance for reading and all the replies you might give!
tl;dr: How to recapture the wonderfully enchanting state of an unrestrained child-like imagination and your experiences with it?
When I was a child my imagination was incredible. Adults and fellow children alike would always complement me for it, so much in fact that I became extremely accustomed to being viewed as the "highly imaginative" guy. This probably didn't help foster a sense of humility in me, especially if you are to take in to account the narcissism we aspies appear to display, but it at least gave me a sense of purpose and identity. Compounded by my natural lack of sociability, I would often be off, separate from the other kids, lost in my own little world. To maybe give you the best picture of what I mean by "my own world", I think I must say that, in complete honesty and without any exaggeration, the imaginary world that my mind created was more real to me than the actual physical world around me. From pre-school to about fourth grade it was almost as if the imaginary realm was "superimposed" on reality in a very literal sense, covering up what was actually there and replacing it with the fantastical. The best example of this I can think of is how when I was young I would lay awake in bed at night, staring at the ceiling. My bed would always be surrounded buy a force field bubble structure and the air outside would be swarming with dozens of faint, swimming cartoon critters. They were faint and could only be seen in the dark, but they were as real as you or me. They were there.
During the day the phenomenon of the imaginary replacing reality continued, but more in a "mind's eye" way than the more literal presence of my bedroom critters. Despite this, I was so focused on this level of my perception that it took the forefront of my attention rather than my real, immediate surroundings. The personality's of the imaginary people and places were so interesting that I found "real" people to be rather dull in comparison and avoided socializing with them. This continued up until I was about ten before I shifted more into a reality-based way of living. Now, as a college freshman, my AS is so mild that most people are surprised when and if I tell them. The only remaining symptom seems to be that my general lack of desire to socialize has persisted, but for different reasons. I probably still have an above average imagination for my age, and I can create cool short stories and fiction pieces, but it is nothing in comparison to the reality-warping machine that it used to be.
Sometimes now when I look back I feel neutered in comparison to my old self's abilities. I yearn to return to when I could live in this state, and when I remember the bliss that accompanied it I lament the fact that it is gone. My questions are as follows: how many others' minds were like this when they were young? Does every child have this ability, or did I just get lucky? And if not everyone had it, could it be related to the Asperger's syndrome in any way? Some people seem to believe that AS actually REDUCES your ability to imagine, which I can't for the life of me understand. If it is related to AS, are there any other aspies on here who can relate? The final and most important question is whether or not I can reclaim this ability and how. The dreadful rot of ennui has plagued me for awhile now, and this ability would prove super useful in reclaiming some enjoyment of life. I've had suspicions that perhaps some psychedelics aid in inducing this effect in the short-term, as a lot of psychedelic art reminds me of the mindset I was in as a kid, but I would also like to look into more permanent, easy to obtain, and well... legal, methods as well.
So sorry for the really long post :/. I know I must have come off as really narcissistic talking about myself so much, but the truth is I'm really interested in hearing your experiences as well and just wanted to explain adequately what I meant. Thank you in advance for reading and all the replies you might give!
tl;dr: How to recapture the wonderfully enchanting state of an unrestrained child-like imagination and your experiences with it?
