(5-MeO-MiPT/unknown mg, 4-HO-DET/~20 mg, 4-AcO-DMT/~24 mg) - None, None, Once - R&D.
Male
150 lbs
30 years old
(5-MeO-MiPT/unknown mg, 4-HO-DET/~20 mg, 4-AcO-DMT/~24 mg, Cannabis/multiple hits) - None, None, Once, Much - R&D.)
Drug/Plant Exposure: Caffeine (To the point of psychosis, once or twice, in early years), Nitrous at the dentist, and years later, with MDMA. Alcohol, Dramamine. Marijuana. LSD. Mushrooms, Opium/Opiates, Salvia, Morning Glory Seeds, AMT, Cocaine, Amphetamine/Stimulant, 2C-E, Remeron, 2C-D, MDMA, Nitrous, MDA, DOC, Hawaiian Baby Woodrose, 4-AcO-DMT, 25D-NBOMe, and now 5-MeO-MiPT, and 4-HO-DET. I might be missing something. Next in line, although it might be a ways down the road, even though I'm getting it soon, is DPT. I just don't think I'm in the right mindframe... although this trip sort of... helped.
Background: I had been in a state of elevated tension for some days. It seemed ever since I used 25D-NBOMe, I felt strung out. Today I woke feeling refreshed, somewhat. The extreme vasoconstriction I had been experiencing for days, and discomfort due to it, is no longer. I thought it was a reaction to the potent strain of marijuana I was smoking, and who knows- it could be an adjustment to a different ratio of cannabinoids. I imagined from what I've read it might have more CB1 than I was used to. It's the same strain as last time, but a new batch. Super potent. Looks covered in sugar/powder. I don't know if the trip had anything to do with it- like maybe "resetting" the receptors to a more natural frequency... I know that sounds like BS, and truly I have no idea. I just know today I am breathing easier, and my veins are pretty open. It could also be due to not sleeping as much as I should have. I tend to become really sensitive if I don't get at least 6 hours. I'd been getting like 5. The temperature snap recently I think played a role, as well, but it coincided with the new marijuana, and not long after I experienced horrible constriction on 25D. I was afraid I did permanent damage. I probably did do some, and should lay off psychedelics for some time, to let things heal up. But, however, 4-AcO-DMT still feels very benign. Good.
Yesterday, I hadn't slept much. 3.5 Hours. But I had been excited to try 4-HO-DET, despite my feelings that it was like a "radioactive" compound, and not friendly. I did attempt to get some rest prior, after first waking up earlier in the day, unable to go back to sleep, or staying up needing to do some things before the night. The excitement of finding samples of 4-HO-DET, 4-AcO-DMT, and 5-MeO-MiPT in the mail all at once made it hard to sleep.
My plans for the night were to very likely rectally administrate 4-HO-DET, as I have read that this can make for an interesting experience. I was aiming for something like 10 mg, but the powder was hard to handle with the tool I have. I need to get something else. Also, my scale was acting up. I also planned to possibly add an oral dose of Psilacetin in there, as a kind of cushion- but once I got the 4-HO-DET in there, I was gone. Psilacetin came later, after I had come down quite some ways from the 4-HO-DET. 5-MeO-MiPT was actually consumed prior to any of them, as the envelope that it came in- the capsule had been crushed in it, and the powder was just on the paper. I chose to, instead of just letting it go, try it, "fingerprinting" a small amount onto my finger, twice, and putting it in my mouth. Couldn't be that much, as it was spread out. This did lead to some erotic activity later.
I ended up double dosing the 4-HO-DET, as I wasn't sure if it made it. The second dose was definitely in, though, and I felt it immediately, with visuals and everything, but this is probably because the first dose was actually in, and was taking effect.
Setting: My apartment. City, but not downtown. Studio.
Timeline:
Around 8:45 P.M. I started preparing the dose, and drew up the water the syringe. Already had tiny bit of 5-MeO-MiPT,and actually felt something from an oral allergy test of around a mg or 2, earlier, which was actually mostly really good mood- this of 4-HO-DET.
T+00:00-00:30: Administered 5-MeO-MiPT orally and 4-HO-DET rectally, via syringe. I used hemp oil for lubrication. This didn't work out so well at first. I didn't think I made it, but I did feel some activity. Still, after minutes of waiting, laying on my stomach, I decided to prepare more. This I knew might not be advisable, but I did it anyways. This second one came at around 15 minutes in, and definitely made it where it needed to go. Effects were felt immediately, most likely from the first dose. Was horny, and I was "leaking" due to the uhh, stimulation. I had to satisfy myself, after some time laying down to try to let it absorb. This was extremely pleasureful, and I hadn't had that much natural lubrication going for a long time. It came quickly, and I was having a lot of.. internal visual, and my environment was... pretty visual. Not entirely strong, and this could be because was running on 3 hours of sleep, or so, and had been experiencing the vasoconstriction, with and without drugs- which was sort of worrying, but I can relax pretty well, and avoid making such things worse. I took it easy on myself, as much as a part of me wanted to burst, here, sexually, I knew I couldn't, or felt constricted. I didn't want to burst a blood vessel. Not to be confused that I didn't finish, but I kind of put a cap on the intensity, or my engagement. It was still... pretty awesome. The visuals do hit very quickly, with this, but I was kind of afraid of the constriction still. My body didn't feel great. So, I couldn't let myself fully engage in any of it. It was way strong. I had visions of veins, and sex, all of these branching veins, constricted, everywhere. Very erotic, but not entirely comfortable. My entire field was full of movement, but not the nice soup, or lush environment. It all seemed to mirror the vasoconstrictive feeling. I wanted to fight the visuals. To me they represented a poisoned state, kind of- the more they were, the worse it felt. CEV was another story. And having eyes open, in the minds eye, these visuals were okay.. pretty cool. Like open eye, but more tolerable.
The body feelings were not great. This could be expectation, but I imagined 4-HO-DET to be cold, and it was. Colder (not like I was physically cold, but it wasn't that enjoyable. It was a "never again" feeling, not that it was overly horrible, either). There were, of course, periods of warmth, but it was not... nice, like I like. Something about "DET" just doesn't sound recreational, at all. It could have been my method of admin, and my sensitivity level (and dose, though I'm not sure how much absorbed)... and the fact that I hadn't slept much, and had been, for some reason, experiencing the negative body effects for days. I don't know. It wasn't really that bad, though, to be honest... The drug itself didn't produce any more vasoconstriction than I had had, really. It just changed my perception, and added tension. (I guess... I may choose to experiment again. I don't know.)
I hopped in the shower, a couple of times. I thought about a friend, that didn't return a message of mine, and another that also didn't get back with me. The first one- he is my closest friend at the moment, as far as distance goes. He's only 1.5 hours away. The other is in Florida, and another is also there, and another in California. One in New York, or somewhere around there. It's been awhile. All over. Not here. Some I guess in my home-town, but I haven't hung out with them in years, which kind of sucks, because I liked them. It was my fault. They kept up with me, and I just descended in to madness, or something.
First one recently kind of raised his voice at me, projecting his own issues onto me, trying to force a view on me that he really didn't have any right to, after I simply made a proposition, where within a week he'd get a payout valued at around 160 bucks (RCs), at least, plus his 100 or so bucks back. I wasn't going to pressure him. It was just an idea. I had the option to get one gram of DPT for 130, or a KG for 627 bucks... or 250 grams for 300. I chose 300, or wanted to, but this didn't work out on my budget, and he couldn't help, because his job situation has been shaky- being on call every day, not knowing if he is going to work. This is what I mean by projecting (if right word)- he was- his frustration onto me. He was pissed he couldn't. I was going to give him as much of the DPT as he wanted, although I didn't think he'd want that much (not that I needed that much, but I figured I might, somehow, get rid of it- not sell...), but said "like a gram- or however much you would want"- because of the price... and my feelings that I won't do much, anyways. I was also going to give him some 4-AcO-DMT, for free, which he wanted. I did totally understand him not having the money, but that's all he had to tell me.
I apologize for this minor venting. It is just sort of a culmination, and collection of emotions based on recent things. As I repeat, though, I have compassion, and try to understand. It's not like I'm far away. And I'd be there for him.
We had planned an outing to the mountains this fall, and last night, after reflecting on the state of things, and my recent gorging myself of psychedelics, I felt I was probably going to slow down for awhile. I also don't know if that relationship will continue. Sometimes I think he's too negative. I know I must sound, some way- the same, here... emotional... but it is something that got to me last night. I just became disgusted with my gorging of psychedelics. I found his suggestion to go to "The Gorge", in that state of mind, in the shower, to be a suggestion that I had been gorging myself, even if he didn't mean it. I found it artistic. Despite what I say, I do enjoy his contributions, but I wish he'd be more optimistic.
He has become my only steady friend, over the past few years (all others live either in Florida, or California, or somewhere else. He's only 1.5 HRs away. Haven't kept in contact with some, but know I can walk up and say hello, any day), and I haven't really felt this way about him before. It seems we got pretty close for a minute-sharing experience, going to concerts, but yea, ever since his job situation became unsteady, things have become different. I understand, yea, but man. And, I know I can be annoying/too adamant to get information sometimes, especially under circumstances (fall approaching, if we do go, we need to plan something), when he doesn't have it to give, but he can easily tell me that, too. I can be hard to deal with/impatient. I've kind of gone, not quite full throttle, but pretty high speed, for me, into psychedelics- as well, and would like to share the experiences, and I'm not sure if he's as- no, I know he's not adamant about it, but he seems to want to be, or something. No idea. I accept that I may be being sensitive to the situation in this state.
Recently, another friend also didn't get back with me, who lives in Florida.. He did, but then I skipped his call, because I was sort of busy, and tried calling back- to get a text back saying he'd call me after work. It's been a week. Never been like that, before. Often, well.. no- most of the time over the years it has been these people getting a hold of me, keeping me social- as for years I was alone, with my voices, imagination, and was okay with that, somehow. Odd how when I finally become completely independent, many of my friends are kind of "away". I'm also happier, smiling more. Not that I am not without difficulty, but I am able to speak with people, and enjoy them. Maybe it's a sign I need to branch out. But I do wish to keep in contact with those friends. I value them.
Anyways. So that was a big part of my shower experience. It wasn't all happy, at all, but I handled it with good spirits.
T+00:30+2:00: I believe I laid in bed. I attempted to enjoy myself... to turn on the television, and perhaps listen to some music, but my TV (hooked to computer) has a hard time warming up. I don't know what's wrong with it. If off for any amount of time it takes like 30 minutes to turn on, once the power is pressed, as well as some times removing the power cord, and putting it back in. I gave up, and laid down, and I don't know what happened for the next couple of hours. I don't. I know- I think reflected on the fact that I should probably not use any psychedelic that deviates too much from natural... to stick with the DMTs. It was my original instinct. I might change my mind, but I won't be repeating 4-HO-DET. I felt I had been abusing psychedelics, and I needed to slow down. I felt the same about marijuana, but that was mainly due to the recent vasoconstriction issues I associated with it (which today, are non-existent, finally. I asked for forgiveness at some point (this was much later), as I had kind of cursed some things, also, leading me to believe that it may be possible that I closed myself off to things/disallowed myself in some way these pleasures).
I got up at about 11:20 P.M. The time dilation was astonishing. This effect continued. Colors were still bright, and I did feel some effects, but I felt mostly out of it. I was starting to feel okay. Had an okay afterglow.
May have vaporized some cannabis.
T+~02:30: Orally dose 24 milligrams of 4-AcO-DMT. I was careless, as well, and used the same tool, uncleaned, to scoop out this, as had been used on the 4-HO-DET. I won't be using either product again. When I choose to use 4-AcO-DMT, I'll order a fresh batch. In retrospect, I believe the 4-HO-DET caused unfavorable responses in my body, and would rather not have a contaminated product. It's not that expensive, for the experience I had. Plus, I've got DPT coming to test... sometime. Next month, earliest. (I'll say I won't repeat the 4-HO-DET, but I may just by a different ROA. I don't know yet. Not in a hurry.)
T+~3:30-5:30?: I still don't feel much. I think I've vaporized some marijuana. I feel something, light. I feel a little better than before, but this could just be a nice afterglow period, or recovery, I wonder. But it did resemble the warmth I remember from Psilacetin.
I decide to play Halo: Reach. I don't play that well, but have some good moments, where I had certain speed, and focus, that I don't normally have. Like my target acquisition, or energy to follow through with actually acquiring and firing, was more. I played about average for how interested I was. I was more interested having fun, not kicking ass, but it was nice to kick ass, too.
I honestly didn't feel it that much, while playing. I was definitely enjoying it. It gave me something to do. I'd occasionally look around and notice things were a little shifty, and enjoyed looking at things in the game I normally didn't look at. Sound did not seem enhanced. I felt, a little sober.
I stopped playing at some point, and decided to take a drive. Yea, not recommended, but I felt mostly down- by now. The 24 mgs of Psilacetin just didn't do much. While driving, however, I did have some periods where it felt like it was coming on, or active. The drive was very short, and I had no problem at all. In-fact, I was probably paying more attention and driving straighter than normal, right at the speed limit- naturally. I simply drove up one road, up into the country- in a rich area, and then turned around and came home. Street name I turned around at was Queens, which I found significant at the time. At the intersection, I should mention, going to this direction, a police car was there. I felt no paranoia, as I did feel mostly down. I felt I'd have no problem if pulled over- not that I felt I'd get pulled over.
The other option (other than driving) was watching Battlestar Galactica, as I recently started re-watching... or Star Trek. Neither sounded appealing. I felt very uninspired, and tired. It was like a part of me was turned on, while a part of me was expecting to be off/was off. The part on expected too much of the other, at times. I saw this. I just accepted that that was how it was, from not sleeping, and fasting- somewhat.
I think I vaporized some cannabis at some point, but I can't be sure where in time, here, I'm just mentioning.
T+07:00 or so, I don't know. I grind up some hemp seeds, after being on the computer for some amount of time- I think. I eat them, what I can of them, and this... somehow kicked the trip into gear. I started feeling good, and experiencing some light, and definite effects. This was almost 4 hours after consuming it. I've had this effect before, like the beginning effects are skipped, but I start feeling really good, toward the end. I had a tolerance- yes, but it's a strange reaction. Like a delayed reaction, with a short duration. I ended up, despite knowing that laying down directly after eating isn't good, laying down in my bed. I turned off everything. Turned off power strips. Unplugged modem. Got it so it was really nice, and dark.
I'd come in and out of this trip, and have all the realizations, and creative/associative thinking one would expect. It was very clean... good spirited. I found myself cracking up at things, myself, fully belly laughs, feeling great. Closed eye, very dreamy "visuals"... Really something ones own imagination would naturally conjure up, at certain times, but charged. I remember thinking about a certain comedian- I can't place his name right now, I'll come back later and edit in... saying "Bothered!", poking fun at the actor, to the actor, that played in Twilight- Edward. I forget his name right now, too.
I reflected on the fact that I just inserted drugs in my "bunghole", and didn't really choose to repeat it. I found it humorous. I apologize to those that are completely comfortable with this. I tried. I am not, really. I'd rather just consume it orally. If it doesn't work that way, I don't want it. Then again, I am still interested in IM and IV, for certain compounds (DMT, and perhaps 4-AcO-DMT). Despite the fact that I can get off that way, and this did stimulate me, it's not something I enjoy, fully. But it cracked me up. I found myself talking to myself, at times, and once to do with this ROA and 4-HO-DET, laughing, "No, not again..."
On to other things, other than my anus, I found myself thinking about a couple of movies I had seen lately. One was Contact. The other Battleship. I reflected on how is it nicer to give a movie 5 stars, or 4.5? What is more considerate. I thought about Battleship, and was playing parts of it out in my mind, thinking about the way the aliens looked, and/or their ships looked. I was highly entertained, playing the movie back in my mind. I felt it deserved better ratings than what it got, even though very cheesy in spots, it was entertaining. It also had some underlying symmetries, throughout it.
I began reflecting on amphibian life, and alien life. How alien life might appear. And this movie, in my mind, kept reflecting, at least in part, how they might act, or on some level, how an invading alien species might act (not that I really felt it would happen like this, or they would need to invade, unless they were like one star system away, or something- then they might not be advanced enough. If advanced enough to travel faster than light, Etc, they don't need to invade worlds. Period.). I enjoyed how in the movie they weren't "evil"... They didn't attack unless attacked, except things they found threatening. They were arrogant, underestimating. They were very much like us. They were just trying to survive. Perhaps over-stepping their bounds, but I found symmetry here, too, with us. It was a reflection, on some level.
But from here, I began reflecting on frogs. I became very, into this. Frogs, toadstools, mushrooms. Often on mushrooms, things become very... well, I'm reminded of frogs. I can't quite pin it down, and I don't think it's just the attachment of myth and the word "toadstool" with mushrooms, either. I think it's something more, "spiritual" (although, the stories and word are also grounded here). I've come to this on mushrooms before, too. A recurring theme/association/connection.
I felt very close to the water. To planned movement. I don't know.
Much of what I experienced, of course is lost- or I don't remember, or have chose to omit because I didn't know how to fit it right away. I remember feeling the wet feeling- although not as much as I felt before (tolerance). I very much enjoy this feeling, and the tears in eyes. As I laid in bed, going through emotions, tripping, imagining/daydreaming vividly (off and on) I'd feel these tears roll down the side of my face, and land on my pillow.
I didn't get the bright white light with this compound, this time, and I associate that with tolerance.
I had trouble sleeping until about 8 A.M., yet kind of tripped the whole way- and awoke at 3:45 or so, still desiring sleep, but unable. Feel rested, though, and well. My veins are finally open.
End: An interesting experience. A test. I don't plan to repeat much of it, although it was valuable to me, for experience/R&D
(I have trouble coming up with titles)
I may come back and add more to this section, as I feel I need to reflect some more.
Male
150 lbs
30 years old
(5-MeO-MiPT/unknown mg, 4-HO-DET/~20 mg, 4-AcO-DMT/~24 mg, Cannabis/multiple hits) - None, None, Once, Much - R&D.)
Drug/Plant Exposure: Caffeine (To the point of psychosis, once or twice, in early years), Nitrous at the dentist, and years later, with MDMA. Alcohol, Dramamine. Marijuana. LSD. Mushrooms, Opium/Opiates, Salvia, Morning Glory Seeds, AMT, Cocaine, Amphetamine/Stimulant, 2C-E, Remeron, 2C-D, MDMA, Nitrous, MDA, DOC, Hawaiian Baby Woodrose, 4-AcO-DMT, 25D-NBOMe, and now 5-MeO-MiPT, and 4-HO-DET. I might be missing something. Next in line, although it might be a ways down the road, even though I'm getting it soon, is DPT. I just don't think I'm in the right mindframe... although this trip sort of... helped.
Background: I had been in a state of elevated tension for some days. It seemed ever since I used 25D-NBOMe, I felt strung out. Today I woke feeling refreshed, somewhat. The extreme vasoconstriction I had been experiencing for days, and discomfort due to it, is no longer. I thought it was a reaction to the potent strain of marijuana I was smoking, and who knows- it could be an adjustment to a different ratio of cannabinoids. I imagined from what I've read it might have more CB1 than I was used to. It's the same strain as last time, but a new batch. Super potent. Looks covered in sugar/powder. I don't know if the trip had anything to do with it- like maybe "resetting" the receptors to a more natural frequency... I know that sounds like BS, and truly I have no idea. I just know today I am breathing easier, and my veins are pretty open. It could also be due to not sleeping as much as I should have. I tend to become really sensitive if I don't get at least 6 hours. I'd been getting like 5. The temperature snap recently I think played a role, as well, but it coincided with the new marijuana, and not long after I experienced horrible constriction on 25D. I was afraid I did permanent damage. I probably did do some, and should lay off psychedelics for some time, to let things heal up. But, however, 4-AcO-DMT still feels very benign. Good.
Yesterday, I hadn't slept much. 3.5 Hours. But I had been excited to try 4-HO-DET, despite my feelings that it was like a "radioactive" compound, and not friendly. I did attempt to get some rest prior, after first waking up earlier in the day, unable to go back to sleep, or staying up needing to do some things before the night. The excitement of finding samples of 4-HO-DET, 4-AcO-DMT, and 5-MeO-MiPT in the mail all at once made it hard to sleep.
My plans for the night were to very likely rectally administrate 4-HO-DET, as I have read that this can make for an interesting experience. I was aiming for something like 10 mg, but the powder was hard to handle with the tool I have. I need to get something else. Also, my scale was acting up. I also planned to possibly add an oral dose of Psilacetin in there, as a kind of cushion- but once I got the 4-HO-DET in there, I was gone. Psilacetin came later, after I had come down quite some ways from the 4-HO-DET. 5-MeO-MiPT was actually consumed prior to any of them, as the envelope that it came in- the capsule had been crushed in it, and the powder was just on the paper. I chose to, instead of just letting it go, try it, "fingerprinting" a small amount onto my finger, twice, and putting it in my mouth. Couldn't be that much, as it was spread out. This did lead to some erotic activity later.
I ended up double dosing the 4-HO-DET, as I wasn't sure if it made it. The second dose was definitely in, though, and I felt it immediately, with visuals and everything, but this is probably because the first dose was actually in, and was taking effect.
Setting: My apartment. City, but not downtown. Studio.
Timeline:
Around 8:45 P.M. I started preparing the dose, and drew up the water the syringe. Already had tiny bit of 5-MeO-MiPT,and actually felt something from an oral allergy test of around a mg or 2, earlier, which was actually mostly really good mood- this of 4-HO-DET.
T+00:00-00:30: Administered 5-MeO-MiPT orally and 4-HO-DET rectally, via syringe. I used hemp oil for lubrication. This didn't work out so well at first. I didn't think I made it, but I did feel some activity. Still, after minutes of waiting, laying on my stomach, I decided to prepare more. This I knew might not be advisable, but I did it anyways. This second one came at around 15 minutes in, and definitely made it where it needed to go. Effects were felt immediately, most likely from the first dose. Was horny, and I was "leaking" due to the uhh, stimulation. I had to satisfy myself, after some time laying down to try to let it absorb. This was extremely pleasureful, and I hadn't had that much natural lubrication going for a long time. It came quickly, and I was having a lot of.. internal visual, and my environment was... pretty visual. Not entirely strong, and this could be because was running on 3 hours of sleep, or so, and had been experiencing the vasoconstriction, with and without drugs- which was sort of worrying, but I can relax pretty well, and avoid making such things worse. I took it easy on myself, as much as a part of me wanted to burst, here, sexually, I knew I couldn't, or felt constricted. I didn't want to burst a blood vessel. Not to be confused that I didn't finish, but I kind of put a cap on the intensity, or my engagement. It was still... pretty awesome. The visuals do hit very quickly, with this, but I was kind of afraid of the constriction still. My body didn't feel great. So, I couldn't let myself fully engage in any of it. It was way strong. I had visions of veins, and sex, all of these branching veins, constricted, everywhere. Very erotic, but not entirely comfortable. My entire field was full of movement, but not the nice soup, or lush environment. It all seemed to mirror the vasoconstrictive feeling. I wanted to fight the visuals. To me they represented a poisoned state, kind of- the more they were, the worse it felt. CEV was another story. And having eyes open, in the minds eye, these visuals were okay.. pretty cool. Like open eye, but more tolerable.
The body feelings were not great. This could be expectation, but I imagined 4-HO-DET to be cold, and it was. Colder (not like I was physically cold, but it wasn't that enjoyable. It was a "never again" feeling, not that it was overly horrible, either). There were, of course, periods of warmth, but it was not... nice, like I like. Something about "DET" just doesn't sound recreational, at all. It could have been my method of admin, and my sensitivity level (and dose, though I'm not sure how much absorbed)... and the fact that I hadn't slept much, and had been, for some reason, experiencing the negative body effects for days. I don't know. It wasn't really that bad, though, to be honest... The drug itself didn't produce any more vasoconstriction than I had had, really. It just changed my perception, and added tension. (I guess... I may choose to experiment again. I don't know.)
I hopped in the shower, a couple of times. I thought about a friend, that didn't return a message of mine, and another that also didn't get back with me. The first one- he is my closest friend at the moment, as far as distance goes. He's only 1.5 hours away. The other is in Florida, and another is also there, and another in California. One in New York, or somewhere around there. It's been awhile. All over. Not here. Some I guess in my home-town, but I haven't hung out with them in years, which kind of sucks, because I liked them. It was my fault. They kept up with me, and I just descended in to madness, or something.
First one recently kind of raised his voice at me, projecting his own issues onto me, trying to force a view on me that he really didn't have any right to, after I simply made a proposition, where within a week he'd get a payout valued at around 160 bucks (RCs), at least, plus his 100 or so bucks back. I wasn't going to pressure him. It was just an idea. I had the option to get one gram of DPT for 130, or a KG for 627 bucks... or 250 grams for 300. I chose 300, or wanted to, but this didn't work out on my budget, and he couldn't help, because his job situation has been shaky- being on call every day, not knowing if he is going to work. This is what I mean by projecting (if right word)- he was- his frustration onto me. He was pissed he couldn't. I was going to give him as much of the DPT as he wanted, although I didn't think he'd want that much (not that I needed that much, but I figured I might, somehow, get rid of it- not sell...), but said "like a gram- or however much you would want"- because of the price... and my feelings that I won't do much, anyways. I was also going to give him some 4-AcO-DMT, for free, which he wanted. I did totally understand him not having the money, but that's all he had to tell me.
I apologize for this minor venting. It is just sort of a culmination, and collection of emotions based on recent things. As I repeat, though, I have compassion, and try to understand. It's not like I'm far away. And I'd be there for him.
We had planned an outing to the mountains this fall, and last night, after reflecting on the state of things, and my recent gorging myself of psychedelics, I felt I was probably going to slow down for awhile. I also don't know if that relationship will continue. Sometimes I think he's too negative. I know I must sound, some way- the same, here... emotional... but it is something that got to me last night. I just became disgusted with my gorging of psychedelics. I found his suggestion to go to "The Gorge", in that state of mind, in the shower, to be a suggestion that I had been gorging myself, even if he didn't mean it. I found it artistic. Despite what I say, I do enjoy his contributions, but I wish he'd be more optimistic.
He has become my only steady friend, over the past few years (all others live either in Florida, or California, or somewhere else. He's only 1.5 HRs away. Haven't kept in contact with some, but know I can walk up and say hello, any day), and I haven't really felt this way about him before. It seems we got pretty close for a minute-sharing experience, going to concerts, but yea, ever since his job situation became unsteady, things have become different. I understand, yea, but man. And, I know I can be annoying/too adamant to get information sometimes, especially under circumstances (fall approaching, if we do go, we need to plan something), when he doesn't have it to give, but he can easily tell me that, too. I can be hard to deal with/impatient. I've kind of gone, not quite full throttle, but pretty high speed, for me, into psychedelics- as well, and would like to share the experiences, and I'm not sure if he's as- no, I know he's not adamant about it, but he seems to want to be, or something. No idea. I accept that I may be being sensitive to the situation in this state.
Recently, another friend also didn't get back with me, who lives in Florida.. He did, but then I skipped his call, because I was sort of busy, and tried calling back- to get a text back saying he'd call me after work. It's been a week. Never been like that, before. Often, well.. no- most of the time over the years it has been these people getting a hold of me, keeping me social- as for years I was alone, with my voices, imagination, and was okay with that, somehow. Odd how when I finally become completely independent, many of my friends are kind of "away". I'm also happier, smiling more. Not that I am not without difficulty, but I am able to speak with people, and enjoy them. Maybe it's a sign I need to branch out. But I do wish to keep in contact with those friends. I value them.
Anyways. So that was a big part of my shower experience. It wasn't all happy, at all, but I handled it with good spirits.
T+00:30+2:00: I believe I laid in bed. I attempted to enjoy myself... to turn on the television, and perhaps listen to some music, but my TV (hooked to computer) has a hard time warming up. I don't know what's wrong with it. If off for any amount of time it takes like 30 minutes to turn on, once the power is pressed, as well as some times removing the power cord, and putting it back in. I gave up, and laid down, and I don't know what happened for the next couple of hours. I don't. I know- I think reflected on the fact that I should probably not use any psychedelic that deviates too much from natural... to stick with the DMTs. It was my original instinct. I might change my mind, but I won't be repeating 4-HO-DET. I felt I had been abusing psychedelics, and I needed to slow down. I felt the same about marijuana, but that was mainly due to the recent vasoconstriction issues I associated with it (which today, are non-existent, finally. I asked for forgiveness at some point (this was much later), as I had kind of cursed some things, also, leading me to believe that it may be possible that I closed myself off to things/disallowed myself in some way these pleasures).
I got up at about 11:20 P.M. The time dilation was astonishing. This effect continued. Colors were still bright, and I did feel some effects, but I felt mostly out of it. I was starting to feel okay. Had an okay afterglow.
May have vaporized some cannabis.
T+~02:30: Orally dose 24 milligrams of 4-AcO-DMT. I was careless, as well, and used the same tool, uncleaned, to scoop out this, as had been used on the 4-HO-DET. I won't be using either product again. When I choose to use 4-AcO-DMT, I'll order a fresh batch. In retrospect, I believe the 4-HO-DET caused unfavorable responses in my body, and would rather not have a contaminated product. It's not that expensive, for the experience I had. Plus, I've got DPT coming to test... sometime. Next month, earliest. (I'll say I won't repeat the 4-HO-DET, but I may just by a different ROA. I don't know yet. Not in a hurry.)
T+~3:30-5:30?: I still don't feel much. I think I've vaporized some marijuana. I feel something, light. I feel a little better than before, but this could just be a nice afterglow period, or recovery, I wonder. But it did resemble the warmth I remember from Psilacetin.
I decide to play Halo: Reach. I don't play that well, but have some good moments, where I had certain speed, and focus, that I don't normally have. Like my target acquisition, or energy to follow through with actually acquiring and firing, was more. I played about average for how interested I was. I was more interested having fun, not kicking ass, but it was nice to kick ass, too.
I honestly didn't feel it that much, while playing. I was definitely enjoying it. It gave me something to do. I'd occasionally look around and notice things were a little shifty, and enjoyed looking at things in the game I normally didn't look at. Sound did not seem enhanced. I felt, a little sober.
I stopped playing at some point, and decided to take a drive. Yea, not recommended, but I felt mostly down- by now. The 24 mgs of Psilacetin just didn't do much. While driving, however, I did have some periods where it felt like it was coming on, or active. The drive was very short, and I had no problem at all. In-fact, I was probably paying more attention and driving straighter than normal, right at the speed limit- naturally. I simply drove up one road, up into the country- in a rich area, and then turned around and came home. Street name I turned around at was Queens, which I found significant at the time. At the intersection, I should mention, going to this direction, a police car was there. I felt no paranoia, as I did feel mostly down. I felt I'd have no problem if pulled over- not that I felt I'd get pulled over.
The other option (other than driving) was watching Battlestar Galactica, as I recently started re-watching... or Star Trek. Neither sounded appealing. I felt very uninspired, and tired. It was like a part of me was turned on, while a part of me was expecting to be off/was off. The part on expected too much of the other, at times. I saw this. I just accepted that that was how it was, from not sleeping, and fasting- somewhat.
I think I vaporized some cannabis at some point, but I can't be sure where in time, here, I'm just mentioning.
T+07:00 or so, I don't know. I grind up some hemp seeds, after being on the computer for some amount of time- I think. I eat them, what I can of them, and this... somehow kicked the trip into gear. I started feeling good, and experiencing some light, and definite effects. This was almost 4 hours after consuming it. I've had this effect before, like the beginning effects are skipped, but I start feeling really good, toward the end. I had a tolerance- yes, but it's a strange reaction. Like a delayed reaction, with a short duration. I ended up, despite knowing that laying down directly after eating isn't good, laying down in my bed. I turned off everything. Turned off power strips. Unplugged modem. Got it so it was really nice, and dark.
I'd come in and out of this trip, and have all the realizations, and creative/associative thinking one would expect. It was very clean... good spirited. I found myself cracking up at things, myself, fully belly laughs, feeling great. Closed eye, very dreamy "visuals"... Really something ones own imagination would naturally conjure up, at certain times, but charged. I remember thinking about a certain comedian- I can't place his name right now, I'll come back later and edit in... saying "Bothered!", poking fun at the actor, to the actor, that played in Twilight- Edward. I forget his name right now, too.
I reflected on the fact that I just inserted drugs in my "bunghole", and didn't really choose to repeat it. I found it humorous. I apologize to those that are completely comfortable with this. I tried. I am not, really. I'd rather just consume it orally. If it doesn't work that way, I don't want it. Then again, I am still interested in IM and IV, for certain compounds (DMT, and perhaps 4-AcO-DMT). Despite the fact that I can get off that way, and this did stimulate me, it's not something I enjoy, fully. But it cracked me up. I found myself talking to myself, at times, and once to do with this ROA and 4-HO-DET, laughing, "No, not again..."
On to other things, other than my anus, I found myself thinking about a couple of movies I had seen lately. One was Contact. The other Battleship. I reflected on how is it nicer to give a movie 5 stars, or 4.5? What is more considerate. I thought about Battleship, and was playing parts of it out in my mind, thinking about the way the aliens looked, and/or their ships looked. I was highly entertained, playing the movie back in my mind. I felt it deserved better ratings than what it got, even though very cheesy in spots, it was entertaining. It also had some underlying symmetries, throughout it.
I began reflecting on amphibian life, and alien life. How alien life might appear. And this movie, in my mind, kept reflecting, at least in part, how they might act, or on some level, how an invading alien species might act (not that I really felt it would happen like this, or they would need to invade, unless they were like one star system away, or something- then they might not be advanced enough. If advanced enough to travel faster than light, Etc, they don't need to invade worlds. Period.). I enjoyed how in the movie they weren't "evil"... They didn't attack unless attacked, except things they found threatening. They were arrogant, underestimating. They were very much like us. They were just trying to survive. Perhaps over-stepping their bounds, but I found symmetry here, too, with us. It was a reflection, on some level.
But from here, I began reflecting on frogs. I became very, into this. Frogs, toadstools, mushrooms. Often on mushrooms, things become very... well, I'm reminded of frogs. I can't quite pin it down, and I don't think it's just the attachment of myth and the word "toadstool" with mushrooms, either. I think it's something more, "spiritual" (although, the stories and word are also grounded here). I've come to this on mushrooms before, too. A recurring theme/association/connection.
I felt very close to the water. To planned movement. I don't know.
Much of what I experienced, of course is lost- or I don't remember, or have chose to omit because I didn't know how to fit it right away. I remember feeling the wet feeling- although not as much as I felt before (tolerance). I very much enjoy this feeling, and the tears in eyes. As I laid in bed, going through emotions, tripping, imagining/daydreaming vividly (off and on) I'd feel these tears roll down the side of my face, and land on my pillow.
I didn't get the bright white light with this compound, this time, and I associate that with tolerance.
I had trouble sleeping until about 8 A.M., yet kind of tripped the whole way- and awoke at 3:45 or so, still desiring sleep, but unable. Feel rested, though, and well. My veins are finally open.
End: An interesting experience. A test. I don't plan to repeat much of it, although it was valuable to me, for experience/R&D
(I have trouble coming up with titles)I may come back and add more to this section, as I feel I need to reflect some more.
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