intensecycle
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Aug 20, 2011
- Messages
- 110
Title: Crazy excitement of being alive, deep reflection on relationship with parents and ironic self-figuring universe
Substance: 4-AcO-DMT
Dosage: 25 mg 4-AcO-DMT fumarate plugged in capsule, 22 mg plugged at T +0:20
Personal data : Male, 85kg, 178 cm, 28 years old , athletic, exercise daily, but some back pains and undiagnosed ADHD and cyclothymic (slightly bipolar)
Medications and addictions: none except vitamins.
Set & Setting: At home alone, current mood is ok, but anxious due to problems with GF
Rating: 9/10
Previous experiences:
* 2C-B (x3)
* 2C-C (x2)
* 2C-D (x1)
* 2C-P (x2)
* 4-ACO-DMT (x1)
* 4-AcO-MiPT (x1)
* 4-HO-MET (x3)
* 5-APB (x1)
* 5-MeO-MiPT (x1)
* Alprazolam (x5)
* Amphetamine (x1)
* DOC (x3)
* DOI (x1)
* Dichloropane (x4)
* Etizolam (x5)
* Kratom (x4)
* LSD (x2)
* MDMA (x1)
* Methoxetamine (x7)
* Methylone (x3)
* Modafinil (1 week)
* Shrooms (x3)
* Salvia (x1)
* Weed and hash (many times)
Substance appearance: brown gygroscopic goo
Closest previous trip: 15 mg MXE week before
Tolerance: None
Sensitivity: Low
Addiction potential: Low
Main effects: circling visual distortions, excitation and laugh, bursting energy on come-up and sedation afterwards
Side effects: too much drunky crazyness, screaming and laughting in joy
After effects: Slight body discomfort, slight anxiety and tiredness
Shulgin scale: ***
In the morning that day I had pretty intense sport event and cycled in the forest, so I was pretty tired . Then I spent some time blogging, which puts me in a better mood. Had some light food. I was not sure what I want to do next, and I don't like taking psychs close to evening, because it means troubles with sleep, but I decided it is still early enough.
My overall state of mind was ok, although I had big issues with my GF last month or two, and our relationship was probably going to broke. This actually happened next day after this experience, although at this stage it was already pretty quiet and without much fuss.
T 00:00
At 16:30 I plugged 25 mg of 4-AcO-DMT fumarate in capsule. This specific subtance was obtained from reputable vendor, but already started to show signs of degradation: turn brown and gooish. Also, it is highly gygroscopic substance, so it may be it already become heavier then it was, because it absorbed some water, although I stored it with silica gel.
T +00:20
Onset was pretty quick, I can't tell exact time, but I remember it was fast, maybe 10-15 mins or so. For some reason, I felt trip can be weak (which is my usual feeling) and plugged 22 mg more.
At T +30 I was already not able to comprehend much.
From now, I just will describe what I experienced till I was “back to earth”.
I had few strong impressions. First was on peak. I was very energetic and had some kind of crazy out-of-mind euphoria, although I don't feel this word is very suitable here. I was laughing and running around my apt. uncontrollably, screaming in joy. I felt that each cell of my body is energized, singing and that being alive is extremely good thing.
Then, second I felt something like this citation from Babylon 5, by Delenn: "We are starstuff, we are the universe made manifest, trying to figure itself out."
I felt like we are the ultimate joke, full of irony, of universe on itself. Some small creatures located on random planet in random solar system, illogical, animalistic, full of dumb emotions and passions, were able to gain conscience and understand themselves and the structure of universe.
Yes, our conscience is just thin film on top of our ancient animal brains, but it was able to understand things beyond any borders: quantum physics, theory of everything, concepts of infinity, god, absolute, how planets and galaxies revolve around each other and how stars burn in their cores, that speed of light is finite, how black holes does not allow light to escape and how billions of neurons make a network that processes hundreds of gigabytes of information per second.
Sure, these thoughts are not new and may look naïve and archetypal, but I felt them in every cell of my body, in all their glory. I am very hardcore atheist, so these mystical feelings are only manifest themselves in a way a described, without deities or higher mind like for other people. I always wondered, how it will look for me, if psychedelics will give me spiritual insights, knowing I will not for a second believe some esoteric or mystical crap. Now I know: it will look like I imagined before, I will feel the harmony of spheres, beauty of the universe and existence. I feel the same sometimes in my sober state of being, although not often.
This was the first time I got such a cosmic-all-connected thoughts from psychedelic, and only second time when amount was enough to shake my world, first time being 4 mg of DOC.
Third impression was some kind of gibbersish that appeared in my mind as splinters of words and phrases, especially, when music was on. Music had narrative aspect to it, like somebody is telling story, but story consisted of childish nonsense words like “blabla” “gugu” of affectionate diminutive kind. Something in line with famous “The iggle squiggs trazed wombly in the harlish hoop”, but more childish.
Fourth impression.
I n parallel with that childishnarrative, I heard how someone critics and blames another one for some small everyday faults, like not putting clothes in the drawer, or not washing dishes, or not doing some housework. It looked like these voices were female that speaks to female. This immediately reminded me of my mother, who always was demanding and pestering in everyday details without reason or sense, and it was a heavy burden for me. For many years I am not living with my parents now, but when we meet, she often still does it, and it drives me crazy. I was skeptical about how you can analyze your mental/relationship issues using psychedelics, but now I think it has some sense. But I know I'm a little broken because of my mother's influence, and I don't think this can be fixed, although in last few years I successfully fought and sometimes won with many consequences of this negative influence to my self-esteem and mind, like social anxiety or believing I am a looser, inaccurate, and unorganized. I still suffer from ADD and cyclothymia, and now something like generalized anxiety disorder, but I know now there are many things in life that bring joy and fun, and there are many things I am capable of.
The most helpful things in this aspect for me was physical exercise each day and understanding that all your perception of the world is in your mind, and you can and must change it if it hampers you.
During all this time, I also got a call from Coyote, my trusted and wise friend. I was barely able to answer him only squeezing: “I can't talk to you, I'm busy.” He told me he will call later so we could hang out in the evening.
T +3:00
I look at the street from the balcony of my apt, seeing grass swirling into circular patterns. People walking by did not gain much of my attention for some reason, but swirling of grass made me laugh. I tried to be more quiet, but this was hard, so I had to go back into the room. I spent a lot of time laying of couch, then on the floor, had some back pains (they often bother me), all this time listening to music. Lyrics was hard to comprehend, and I was not able to turn on some video/change music, because achieving some simple tasks were too complex. I managed to eat and drink some food, go take a piss, but it was all enormously complex to do. Although I can't say I lost my ego, because I always remembered that I am myself and I took the substance.
Also, I forgot to tell more about visuals. No fun CEVs for me, OEVs were a bit too wobbly and blurry for my taste, except when I saw circles on a grass lawn, they were fun. For some reason, I almost did not see my usual honeycombs that always appear on almost any substance: 4-HO-MET, 2C-P, DOC.
Overall, not very impressed with this aspect.
T +4:00
I slowly started to come down. I was able to call my friends Panda and Coyote and arrange a meeting. I was still seeing visuals and feeling not sober. Being inside my apt was boring, so I took my bicycle and cycled around town a little. It was nice, looking around at people, buldings and trees, but I felt some body load/nausea (maybe due to eating too much) and anxiety thinking of how the wonder state left and I am back to my generalized anxiety that has it roots in my GF dumping me and if I will will enjoy doing things I like constantly and being able not to worry too much.
T + 5:00
I got to the city fountain, looking at it and letting my mind free of any thoughts, in a kind of meditation. It calmed me down somewhat and allowed me to relax from anxiety. I sat there for a long time, also laying on my back and watching at the sky, seeing how birds are making rounds and how different species are using their wings in different ways. I was thinking that I need to learn how to meditate, thing that I always wanted.
Panda came, but we did not speak a lot until Coyote appeared a bit later. The we walked around the town a little, Panda, as always, trying to speak of some magnificent philosophy, and blaming me and himself for being earthworm-like: like we consume experiences, and do nothing else. Me also outputting these experiences to my blog in form of writing, like the earthworm processes soil during his movement. What he fails to see in his metaphor, perhaps, is that results of earthworms activities is better soil, that allows plants to grow, because their output easily accessible and consumable type of soil called humus.
Coyote, meanwhile, don't like to speak of such high matters often, because it is all thought in and out for him. He read a good share of philosophy and mysticism books in his time, and found all this not really important in life, the thing I felt and believed in quite early. So, he spoke of everyday things: how he was walking with his kid, how he was making a steel table at the summer house using electrical wielding etc. He tell these things in a way that calm me down and make at peace, and I am always grateful to him for that.
T +06:00
We parted our ways, I returned home, had a meaty dinner and no trouble sleeping at approx. T +08:00
Summary
I have overall positive impressions from this substance, but I also have my doubts. I still see it as more of entertaining kind, despite experiencing pretty deep thoughts and even revelations this time. Visuals were not very impressive, too blurry for my liking.
I usually don't like being overexcited and crazy, like if I drank a lot, feeling I had during this experience. But I can live with it, considering all positive thoughts and cell energy and feeling that it is awesome to be alive. That was something special indeed, and I think this is the most important thing this substance is able to give.
I see no interest in upping the dosage or experimenting with this substance again anytime soon, but I agree it is worthwhile, taking its limits and character into account.
Substance: 4-AcO-DMT
Dosage: 25 mg 4-AcO-DMT fumarate plugged in capsule, 22 mg plugged at T +0:20
Personal data : Male, 85kg, 178 cm, 28 years old , athletic, exercise daily, but some back pains and undiagnosed ADHD and cyclothymic (slightly bipolar)
Medications and addictions: none except vitamins.
Set & Setting: At home alone, current mood is ok, but anxious due to problems with GF
Rating: 9/10
Previous experiences:
* 2C-B (x3)
* 2C-C (x2)
* 2C-D (x1)
* 2C-P (x2)
* 4-ACO-DMT (x1)
* 4-AcO-MiPT (x1)
* 4-HO-MET (x3)
* 5-APB (x1)
* 5-MeO-MiPT (x1)
* Alprazolam (x5)
* Amphetamine (x1)
* DOC (x3)
* DOI (x1)
* Dichloropane (x4)
* Etizolam (x5)
* Kratom (x4)
* LSD (x2)
* MDMA (x1)
* Methoxetamine (x7)
* Methylone (x3)
* Modafinil (1 week)
* Shrooms (x3)
* Salvia (x1)
* Weed and hash (many times)
Substance appearance: brown gygroscopic goo
Closest previous trip: 15 mg MXE week before
Tolerance: None
Sensitivity: Low
Addiction potential: Low
Main effects: circling visual distortions, excitation and laugh, bursting energy on come-up and sedation afterwards
Side effects: too much drunky crazyness, screaming and laughting in joy
After effects: Slight body discomfort, slight anxiety and tiredness
Shulgin scale: ***
In the morning that day I had pretty intense sport event and cycled in the forest, so I was pretty tired . Then I spent some time blogging, which puts me in a better mood. Had some light food. I was not sure what I want to do next, and I don't like taking psychs close to evening, because it means troubles with sleep, but I decided it is still early enough.
My overall state of mind was ok, although I had big issues with my GF last month or two, and our relationship was probably going to broke. This actually happened next day after this experience, although at this stage it was already pretty quiet and without much fuss.
T 00:00
At 16:30 I plugged 25 mg of 4-AcO-DMT fumarate in capsule. This specific subtance was obtained from reputable vendor, but already started to show signs of degradation: turn brown and gooish. Also, it is highly gygroscopic substance, so it may be it already become heavier then it was, because it absorbed some water, although I stored it with silica gel.
T +00:20
Onset was pretty quick, I can't tell exact time, but I remember it was fast, maybe 10-15 mins or so. For some reason, I felt trip can be weak (which is my usual feeling) and plugged 22 mg more.
At T +30 I was already not able to comprehend much.
From now, I just will describe what I experienced till I was “back to earth”.
I had few strong impressions. First was on peak. I was very energetic and had some kind of crazy out-of-mind euphoria, although I don't feel this word is very suitable here. I was laughing and running around my apt. uncontrollably, screaming in joy. I felt that each cell of my body is energized, singing and that being alive is extremely good thing.
Then, second I felt something like this citation from Babylon 5, by Delenn: "We are starstuff, we are the universe made manifest, trying to figure itself out."
I felt like we are the ultimate joke, full of irony, of universe on itself. Some small creatures located on random planet in random solar system, illogical, animalistic, full of dumb emotions and passions, were able to gain conscience and understand themselves and the structure of universe.
Yes, our conscience is just thin film on top of our ancient animal brains, but it was able to understand things beyond any borders: quantum physics, theory of everything, concepts of infinity, god, absolute, how planets and galaxies revolve around each other and how stars burn in their cores, that speed of light is finite, how black holes does not allow light to escape and how billions of neurons make a network that processes hundreds of gigabytes of information per second.
Sure, these thoughts are not new and may look naïve and archetypal, but I felt them in every cell of my body, in all their glory. I am very hardcore atheist, so these mystical feelings are only manifest themselves in a way a described, without deities or higher mind like for other people. I always wondered, how it will look for me, if psychedelics will give me spiritual insights, knowing I will not for a second believe some esoteric or mystical crap. Now I know: it will look like I imagined before, I will feel the harmony of spheres, beauty of the universe and existence. I feel the same sometimes in my sober state of being, although not often.
This was the first time I got such a cosmic-all-connected thoughts from psychedelic, and only second time when amount was enough to shake my world, first time being 4 mg of DOC.
Third impression was some kind of gibbersish that appeared in my mind as splinters of words and phrases, especially, when music was on. Music had narrative aspect to it, like somebody is telling story, but story consisted of childish nonsense words like “blabla” “gugu” of affectionate diminutive kind. Something in line with famous “The iggle squiggs trazed wombly in the harlish hoop”, but more childish.
Fourth impression.
I n parallel with that childishnarrative, I heard how someone critics and blames another one for some small everyday faults, like not putting clothes in the drawer, or not washing dishes, or not doing some housework. It looked like these voices were female that speaks to female. This immediately reminded me of my mother, who always was demanding and pestering in everyday details without reason or sense, and it was a heavy burden for me. For many years I am not living with my parents now, but when we meet, she often still does it, and it drives me crazy. I was skeptical about how you can analyze your mental/relationship issues using psychedelics, but now I think it has some sense. But I know I'm a little broken because of my mother's influence, and I don't think this can be fixed, although in last few years I successfully fought and sometimes won with many consequences of this negative influence to my self-esteem and mind, like social anxiety or believing I am a looser, inaccurate, and unorganized. I still suffer from ADD and cyclothymia, and now something like generalized anxiety disorder, but I know now there are many things in life that bring joy and fun, and there are many things I am capable of.
The most helpful things in this aspect for me was physical exercise each day and understanding that all your perception of the world is in your mind, and you can and must change it if it hampers you.
During all this time, I also got a call from Coyote, my trusted and wise friend. I was barely able to answer him only squeezing: “I can't talk to you, I'm busy.” He told me he will call later so we could hang out in the evening.
T +3:00
I look at the street from the balcony of my apt, seeing grass swirling into circular patterns. People walking by did not gain much of my attention for some reason, but swirling of grass made me laugh. I tried to be more quiet, but this was hard, so I had to go back into the room. I spent a lot of time laying of couch, then on the floor, had some back pains (they often bother me), all this time listening to music. Lyrics was hard to comprehend, and I was not able to turn on some video/change music, because achieving some simple tasks were too complex. I managed to eat and drink some food, go take a piss, but it was all enormously complex to do. Although I can't say I lost my ego, because I always remembered that I am myself and I took the substance.
Also, I forgot to tell more about visuals. No fun CEVs for me, OEVs were a bit too wobbly and blurry for my taste, except when I saw circles on a grass lawn, they were fun. For some reason, I almost did not see my usual honeycombs that always appear on almost any substance: 4-HO-MET, 2C-P, DOC.
Overall, not very impressed with this aspect.
T +4:00
I slowly started to come down. I was able to call my friends Panda and Coyote and arrange a meeting. I was still seeing visuals and feeling not sober. Being inside my apt was boring, so I took my bicycle and cycled around town a little. It was nice, looking around at people, buldings and trees, but I felt some body load/nausea (maybe due to eating too much) and anxiety thinking of how the wonder state left and I am back to my generalized anxiety that has it roots in my GF dumping me and if I will will enjoy doing things I like constantly and being able not to worry too much.
T + 5:00
I got to the city fountain, looking at it and letting my mind free of any thoughts, in a kind of meditation. It calmed me down somewhat and allowed me to relax from anxiety. I sat there for a long time, also laying on my back and watching at the sky, seeing how birds are making rounds and how different species are using their wings in different ways. I was thinking that I need to learn how to meditate, thing that I always wanted.
Panda came, but we did not speak a lot until Coyote appeared a bit later. The we walked around the town a little, Panda, as always, trying to speak of some magnificent philosophy, and blaming me and himself for being earthworm-like: like we consume experiences, and do nothing else. Me also outputting these experiences to my blog in form of writing, like the earthworm processes soil during his movement. What he fails to see in his metaphor, perhaps, is that results of earthworms activities is better soil, that allows plants to grow, because their output easily accessible and consumable type of soil called humus.
Coyote, meanwhile, don't like to speak of such high matters often, because it is all thought in and out for him. He read a good share of philosophy and mysticism books in his time, and found all this not really important in life, the thing I felt and believed in quite early. So, he spoke of everyday things: how he was walking with his kid, how he was making a steel table at the summer house using electrical wielding etc. He tell these things in a way that calm me down and make at peace, and I am always grateful to him for that.
T +06:00
We parted our ways, I returned home, had a meaty dinner and no trouble sleeping at approx. T +08:00
Summary
I have overall positive impressions from this substance, but I also have my doubts. I still see it as more of entertaining kind, despite experiencing pretty deep thoughts and even revelations this time. Visuals were not very impressive, too blurry for my liking.
I usually don't like being overexcited and crazy, like if I drank a lot, feeling I had during this experience. But I can live with it, considering all positive thoughts and cell energy and feeling that it is awesome to be alive. That was something special indeed, and I think this is the most important thing this substance is able to give.
I see no interest in upping the dosage or experimenting with this substance again anytime soon, but I agree it is worthwhile, taking its limits and character into account.