Participants were myself, a friend- my one friend I regularly see, R, and his friend that I have known for awhile, but never hang out with directly, Ace. Then his cousin, Al, shows up, and decides to participate as well. Then of course, myself. I take 29 mg to start, weighed out before I made the journey to this location. R takes 15, and is apprehensive, having not had time in his day to prepare for the activity. I called him after being surprised at the shipping speed, and this arrival. He has a better environment for tripping (well, in senses), plus, I felt it was smart to have a sitter for a new substance. That turned into another two people taking it, which was welcome. This is research, in some sense- even if not completely scientific in it's "method". Indulging curiosity. Having a good time. Anyways, he (R) takes 15, Ace takes 20, and Al takes, I believe 13.
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Summary of drug use: First time alcohol at 16. Enjoyed caffeine more than the next person for some years before, and after. Pseudoephedrine/ephedrine used before soccer games to increase lung capacity, and for the buzz. Dramamine was used one night (Dimenhydrinate), in an attempt to emulate the effects of alcohol, at age 17. Stupid advice taken, but it prompted inquiry into what happened to me... Curiosity about the altered state, and sparked interest into LSD, and "classically active psychedelics", but chiefly LSD. Marijuana first used at age 18, when the plan was to attain some LSD, which fell through. Definitely not regrettable. I had a really strong, good experience with it, listening to Deftones- White Pony. LSD was attained some short time after, in time for New Years, and have tripped on it multiple times since. Mushrooms, some time later, but not a good experience with those until first day at college, and subsequent trips with them. At college experimented with cocaine, inhalant (once, stupid, air duster)... mainly used mushrooms there, the first year. Began having interest in research chemicals. The next psychedelic I'd try would be AMT (various times, mostly vaporized, but a few oral). Next in line would be 2C-E some times, then 2C-D some times... and MDMA/MDA are nestled in those couple of years, there, with Nitrous Oxide in there, with one or two MDMA experiences. I could be more precise, but I'm trying to move along. DOC. HBWR seeds, Blue Lotus experimented with, among a couple of other herbs. Former smoker (and snuffer) of tobacco. Don't currently use other drugs other than marijauna and psychedelics.
My set: I am excited. I am 150 lbs. Male. I ate 3-4 tbsp of hemp seeds about six hours prior. In life, I do have problems, but I feel I can let go of them enough. My body isn't very cooperative, in many ways, but somehow I haven't found this to effect my most recent trips. If anything it erases the guilt that I used to feel, or other dreadful feelings. Pain has taught me things, as much as I hate it. So in a sense some negative going in might be transmuted into something positive. Not that you have to have it for positive, though.
Setting: Friend- R's land, in the area I grew up, a some maybe 5 miles give or take from my old house that I spent most of my years. He owns his family's old house, which he is re-doing, as it has sat for some time, and things have been torn out. It is coming along, but slowly. I have wanted to help him, but I am lazy, and spend most of my free time on the couch, getting high, and playing videogames, and things like this.
His family owns a farm/farms in this area. We have more options for movement, and not being bothered by anyone... but there are chances of wildlife messing around near us, especially in recent drought conditions- apparently. There's also a cave around there, I guess. And a lake about a mile or two away. No city/town for miles in any direction.
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Package comes in mail at approximately 2:30 on my day off. I expected it could come, but didn't expect it to, you know.
What to do...
Weigh (options).
Decide to call R. This works out for him, at least that I called, as someone backed out on a concert ticket- disappearing for seven days, and R's car isn't reliable enough to drive the 5 hour distance, without fear, so that next day I'd earn a ticket by driving us.
Weigh my dosage. I decide I'm starting off at 29 mg, as I am very forgiving of myself at this point, and I hear this compound shines at 24+ mg. I cap it in an emptied out enzyme veggie capsule, and in it's container.
Hit the road. While driving, I notice the overcast sky- low clouds, and the pressure in my head. I don't feel well. I almost feel like canceling the trip.
Push on.
Get to location 1.5 hours away.
Skip to dose time- I don't remember much else.
I have weighed out doses. A new arrival, Al- R's cousin who lives on the property, shows up, and has decided to experiment as well. I have explained what the chemical is to the best of my knowledge- that it wasn't highly tested, at all, and advised them it was their decision, and whatnot.
I remember making (eye/brain/uh) contact with Ace when we agree we want to keep the compound in our mouth, prior to taking it. R says it tastes like crap. I don't find that descriptor proper for it. I just tasted it. But I'm used to taking supplements. My tastes may be more... refined, because I can't eat as much- simply (well, and mindset, and that I usually eat things one at a time in the raw form, perhaps). Not that I don't agree that it doesn't taste to be what we normally say is "good". Ha. Still, I found it interesting, and I'm not sure, but I think it gave a strange cooling sensation in my mouth, later. Like a numbing, but not uncomfortable. Not a toxic feeling.
T+00:00 - Within 10 minutes of my dose we have all dosed. I believe mine was last, R was first, at ~T-00:15, then Ace at say -10 and Al at about the same time, as mine was ready to go.
T+00:15 - First alert? Or was it 10 minutes. I think I said this, and we had just smoked some marijuana, as pointed out by someone. Still unsure.
T+00:30 - I think I'm starting to notice some altering of my vision. I see slight after images, and it just is starting to feel "that way". Very slight at this point. Nothing to jump up and down about. I honestly doubt the strength of the effects at this point.
I can't be certain about these times
T+00:45 - 01:00, give or take, and forward - I am doubting the potency of the sample I received, or my sensitivity to the substance. Thoughts like the typical "legal high"- it being bunk or not as strong, sort of poke me. I shake it off, knowing I can't be peaking, but I still feel I should have taken much more, like three times as much. My friends are feeling it, and seem to be enjoying it. Ace I can tell is feeling good. Music is being played- first time Dubstep... Probably Florence and the Machine, and then Tool is eventually put on
T+01:30 - I have put the rest of the bag that I got up my nose, and consumed some of it. I estimated it to be another 20 mg, later, give or take, based on what I know was used, and what was still there, etc. This doesn't matter, because I also found the compound undissolved still in my nose, days later... much of it. But I enjoyed the act of sniffing, anyways. Although I knew it looked fiendish, I simultaneously felt myself blasting off at this point (after fearing I hadn't taken enough only moments earlier), and wanted enough fuel for the journey. If I could have/If I would have had a like minded, responsible partner, I would have had a shot prepared at this point, and had them shoot me up. Just a thought. I may do this myself at some point.
Very soon, I was in it. They had put on a UFC fight that was on DVD. It's not something that I take pleasure in watching, naturally. I enjoy martial arts, and whatnot, but most of the time I'd rather not see constant physical combat. I like my physical combat to be direct, fast, get it done. I don't like the drawing it out- not that they intend to, but that's the result. And it's not that I "like it" anyways. But I do respect it, and find ways to enjoy it, and have interest in mechanics, and the way my friend describes it. Instinctively, I know how to fight. Like any animal. In a way, I get enjoyment out of those self-reinforcing things. No doubt. I did find myself mostly blocking this stimulus out, this night, though.
Tool was playing. I had sunk into the couch I was on, and shut my eyes. I was dancing. Moving with the songs. I felt I could hit the notes, I want to move with things I rarely had the energy to even register. And at the same time that I had this energy, like acid/shrooms can give, perhaps, I felt sedate (but not tired). If I tried to stand up, at the point I am considering (and I've probably skipped over a good amount, I have...), I'd have to be careful, supporting myself until I was up, and grounded. This could have been because of how into the position I was in previously.
It was uncontrollable. The music was just awesome for this. And apparently it went along with the fights. I was blinking in and out. I was in a state of bliss I have only achieved similarly, on MDA- not to compare the two or even the experiences, but the eyes closed so much of the time and level of enjoyment feels close. I remember breathing, and how CLEAN it felt. My lungs felt healthy, and clear, and the air, cool. The cooling effect my have been an effect of having the chemical in my mouth, but I don't know. ...I also found I could take mega hits of marijuana, and I didn't feel any disagreement. Full breaths, feeling more than I usually allow myself, perhaps even of air. I don't know. Friend reminded me "that's tripping". But this isn't an effect I remember prominently. I remember being able to smoke a lot, and smoke a lot without it "stoning" you, but maybe not the expanded lung capacity, and just it feeling that good.
My breathing felt really natural. It was relaxed.
This compound might not have some of the benefits of mushrooms, and I still respect mushrooms, but it has a lot of appeal. You know what you're getting, for one. It's pure. No nausea. Light as a feather (IME), for a lot of part- at least. Definitely something I want to explore further.
I wanted it in my blood. As I have said previously... I haven't wanted anything that I've tried in my blood, before, but I knew it would have been safe. I felt that something was very close... not that I wasn't in euphoria already. I could have handled more.
T+02:00 - 02:30 - Tool (Aenima), and UFC went together kind of how The Wizard of Oz and Pink Floyd Dark Side of the Moon, apparently. I caught some of it, mainly a climactic moment- of an introduction of two fighters. I didn't notice because I was in my own head, seeing a color of... non. White light. Soft. Super bright. Doesn't hurt my eyes. Like the color value for... white, for the human computer. I felt it in my breath. I don't know how much of a role it actually played, but I felt drawn to it. Definitely something (or nothing?). 0 value, or 1, depending on your entrance- perhaps.
Much of my mental trip was just reflections on emotions. Perhaps it was my brain associating things with emotions, kind of at random, but those associations were very real. A girl. I imagined her mirroring the emotions. Letting go, with me. To not think about these. My family. I wanted people I knew to feel how I felt. I wished I could allow my parents to experience this. I even thought about my nephew, who is much too young- not that I would ever give him a drug, but it felt... almost that benign.
Sometimes my thoughts went to my first niece- my sister's first daughter. She is growing up. She's 12, and at that age. She's shy. Reserves much of her thoughts. Smart. I see some of me in her- I relate. It had been her, and her sister's first day back at school. I spend a little time reflecting on her, wishing her well, and whoever I think about.
At times, throughout, I felt I was breathing light. The light (I saw) in my mind, was like nothing I had seen before. I had seen it with other things, but in this experience, it was very present... It wasn't like other times when white light had shown many colors, this light, as I have already talked about, or will again, was soft, and bright. Perfect. It was like an archetype value of 1 or 0 in a system, or exactly as the color is supposed to be. White. Nul. Void. It seemed as smoke- as the air I breathed, throughout the environment, in the eyes or people I imagined (girls, and emotions), and just around. It's hard to describe. But it was pervading.
Senses were blending, I think. This feeling of breathing, and the light.
T+03:00 - It's hard to say really, again, about this timing of things, and my descriptions... well, I can't remember everything that happened. So much of it was just raw emotion. The kind where you can look at the person you're madly in love with, and they get it- enough. You're on the same page. I didn't speak, so much of the time, but could, if spoken to... unless it made me think. If I had to plan real-world activities that would take place in only hours (starting drive to concert), I would rather not have, at that time. Words would be drawn out, stretched out while I think. Long "Ummms", just different kinds. I enjoyed the vocal resonating. Everything felt good. No negativity, and if there was, it was so easily canceled, and/or moved past.
I think it was here, or maybe a half hour later, or more, that I could and was communicating with people, more. Al had left, driving not a mile into their property, to his house. I hadn't looked around in awhile. I could definitely notice things. I did have some crawling patterns outside, and had them prior to sitting down- but that's not enough for me. I didn't feel it, until i was in the state I just talked about. Or touched on. Eyes closed. But it was visual. And with eyes closed, it was like I was in, as Ace- I heard say, dream states, at times. I was with people. This is going back to thinking about people.
The stuff is very relaxing. But also stimulating.
Wonderful.
Definitely something I want in my "cabinet".
T+04:00- T+05:00 - R is sort of pulling me out of the experience (I was in, then again), asking me if I am going to be good enough to drive in the next few hours, or he's reminding me of our plan/asking me the plan. This is what I meant when referring when I had to think about something- real world planning, talking was a little harder, of course. I didn't want to. I was somewhere else. But we were working under a schedule.
Still, I noticed how I and R are different. He's my friend, and I respect him, but we definitely have different ways about things. My "plan" was that I knew we had to leave around 5 A.M., if we wanted to go to my place, like I wanted to- first, to shower, and get an hour or so of sleep. But he had to think about it, starting at 2:30 A.M., or so. Maybe it was 3. Honestly kind of irritating, but understandable. The host, being him, is under more pressure. Nothing bothered me at this point, but I was sort of confused when he was adamant about getting the plan moving, and with his need to go home, telling us about it, to get some things for the next day or so- our travels, and then just sitting there. This put an unnecessary, "I'm doing nothing, waiting to do something..." feeling to things, for me. I don't like planning ahead a lot. I don't naturally do it much. I do... when I need to... and should sometimes more, but this is one reason, and one thing I won't do. Finally, I said for him to go do it- I was confused (? wondering why) why he had said it, and had not done it. He lives with his mother still, as there's really no reason for him to move, and he's re-doing this other house. I wanted to walk with him, and I'd wait outside while he got things inside- also to give him something to move toward- me, someone waiting on him outside, as he tends to do what he did... nothing... sometimes, or just takes his time. All fine and well, but he was the one that sounded like time was of the essence.
Nothing that was a problem. Amusing. I don't mind it, but sometimes I do feel like a shepherd. People get stuck in "thinking". Been there. Done that. Worn it out.
We were going to smoke, and then get on the road. I guess his thoughts of what needed to be done, something he may need to do- got to me, and I wanted them done right now, so we could free up the remaining time we had... so we could smoke the joint with hash, and trip out some more/come down some more, before having to leave.
The duration listed online said 4-6 hours, or 6-8 rather, and this did feel like we were definitely coming down at around 5 hours. Still in.. but coming out. I knew I'd be good to drive, although still feeling it, when the time came. As we all say... not advisable, but I can say, I definitely wasn't any worse off than driving to work after waking up just 45 minutes ago, in the morning. Not close. Rather alert at that point.
Anyway... back to about T+05:30, I'd say... (sorry) I think R and I take a walk up to his house- the house he sleeps and showers at, and we kind of keep a distance. I can tell he is a little out of it/not fully engaged in the experience. He wasn't from the start. He was doing it because he didn't want to feel jealous of me and his other friend, Ace, as we experienced it. He just wanted to take enough to feel it- the 15 mg. He just had a lot to do that day. He slept 2 hours. He worked some. He didn't have time to poop. These kinds of things can throw you off, so he wasn't enjoying it all quite as much as the Ace, myself, and his cousin. And the timing- R plans things... likes to try to... he didn't want to trip before having to make a five hour drive- 10 there and back. But I assured him I could make it, as I drive that much daily anyway (but spread out differently).
So I walked sort of on my own, and let him be alone. No big feelings here, just acknowledgment. I knew he wanted some alone time. Sort of forgot that that may be the case, with tripping, too, and his state. So I was with him, and allowed myself alone time, outside this house. We all got a good 45 minutes of being alone. Ace stayed down at R's other house.
While outside, paced around. I still felt good, but was definitely pretty down, compared to where I was. I can't really describe. From memory, I could have just been sober, but feeling good. Definitely altered state still, though. I was sitting down one moment in his drive way, and had picked up two stones. I think I still have them, but in some perfect timing, seemingly, I heard a sound I'd never heard before. This would be the second of the night- of some animal(s). I heard it once. It sounded directed toward me. Across the street- a field. Lights from the house do cover some of it, but I can't make anything out. First, after hearing it, I stood up, and chucked my shoulders up and down (shrugged dramatically, fast), three times. I didn't think about it, but the sound it made made my hair stand on end, and sounded challenging, so this was my response. This, then spreading my arms out to say "I'm big.". I never thought of Indiana as wilderness, any place here... but I guess, from what R tells me, there are some animals, that especially in these conditions as of late (drought) you need to be careful with. Coyotes apparently in the area, too, although I can't confirm.
At some point, earlier in the night, I heard some blood-curdling sounds coming from the woods across the road from the house we were at. I had stepped outside to pee, and found myself listening, and taking everything in, of course. Out of nowhere, it was like something was being slaughtered. Murdered. Or like a bunch of people were just... terrified. That's the thing, it sounded, at least- almost, like people. It went on for a few seconds. Didn't sound that far away, but the area is made up of hills, valleys, a lake nearby made into a valley... and sound travels.
It will go down as, I admitted to myself at the time, one of the scariest sounds I've heard. Yet... I was able to remain separate, and stay put. I actually leaned into it, investigative in nature. That could just be who/how I am, though. It didn't make my trip worse (not that it was bad), but I did wonder just what the hell happened. Like hell. Like hell. (And perhaps I got off on the emotional response to it)
R later wondered if it might have been coyotes taking down a deer, or something.
Actually- this may have taken place after taking the walk with R- to his house. Back there, after standing there with arms outstretched for a second, I walked toward the field across the road from here, and froze- then I heard it again- a screech, and saw the animal hop away. It almost sounded like a large bird of some kind, but they rarely pay attention to humans. I didn't think deer did, either, but apparently they make vocalizations similarly, and this may have been a buck. Here I thought the deeries were peaceful Bambis.
I say it may have been reversed, the before and after, because I think I remember thinking that it may have been that deer... Though I very well may be wrong.
When we got back, Ace was staring at the doorway, with a machete in hand. Apparently, something fairly large had come up to the door of the house. (The house, as I say, is being re-done. It's fairly open, the grass is wild (it's not not part of nature) and we only had the screen door as a barrier.). He had also tripped out some more, alone, in there. Said he saw the door morph.
But that's what happened. At about
T+06:00 - 06:30, we smoked the joint with hash pieces throughout... got really stoned, and got on the road. The hardest part was putting the car into gear. The joint kicked in some issues with thinking. I noticed before I left, when trying to get everything together. I knew I could drive the car, but not do certain things, still. Yea, this isn't recommended.
Driving was very nice. The sun was hinting at rising. I could see ahead without lights, but of course it's still pretty early, and dark. I like this time. Safest time (for us) to drive. I- again, no matter what I advise, know that I was fine to drive. I at no point had any issue. I was probably in ways better off than much of the time I'm sober (and overconfident/inattentive.)
Dropped Ace off at his place, and the vibe felt a little better. Not that he is a bad guy, but sometimes, when worn down, too, two people are easier than three, when there have been three, or you know. It was sort of a release, and to be on the road- starting the journey.
I could get more complex about relationships and dynamics, and whatnot, as I perceive them (could try), but I think this report is getting long.
R falls asleep much of the way. We make it back by about T+08:30 for me, and I am mostly down, but feel good. Still definitely feel good. I need something at a grocery, so we go in- they open as soon as we get there, just about. R gets some bulk pecans and brazil nuts, and granola bars/energy bars, and water, and toilet paper. I get enzymes, toilet paper, paper towels, and maybe baking soda. Takes longer than I had hoped, but that's alright. Get home to my apartment at about 8:30- we Hope to leave by 10:30-11. I shower, and take a quick nap. I reach a very nice place in this sleep... So relaxed. Felt awesome.
Alarm goes off at 10:58 A.M. I have slept approx. 1 HR. Time to go. Roll a joint, smoke joint. R rolls joint to bring with us, so I don't roll another one- as we don't finish the one I roll for now- We'll smoke it later.
The drive goes really easily. Usually time like that might drag, for me, but I felt awesome the entire way there. Tired, but something about the lingering trip, something about it, stayed. So relaxing. Everything was good. I kept on telling myself, that things were good... and if any thoughts came about that threatened that, like the night before- like in the experience, I could just choose to let it go, and say "we'll get through", and it will be good. Optimism was easy. I likened it to be surrounded by that which sustains me- a feeling of being at home no matter where I am. In some sense this can describe the afterglow. This made everything easier. No food, meditative- perhaps. Clear, but I do remember lapses in memory. Had no idea what I had just been talking about after one small derailment. Nothing worrisome- I've experienced it before.
Once we got there, to Clarkston, Michigan, R wanted to eat. I was still, basically fasting. I did eat one and a half avocados at some point at my place, though. But I had no desire to eat. I did, but I shut it off. I have multiple food allergies. He decides he wants Qdoba. We go in. He eats. We're just miles from the concert venue. This is good timing.
We leave. R looks for his joint. He can't find it.
We give up. The concert is starting. (He thinks he pulled it out with is phone at the restaurant). It will be starting. We still have a little bit of mine left, though.
In the parking lot. I proceed to try to snort up what is left/stuck to the sides of the bag of 4-AcO-DMT. Then I decide to just lick the bag, fearing I'm going to ingest plastic if I keep picking at it with these tweezers.
R and I take one hit of the J and put it out, before heading in.
The 4-AcO-DMT was estimated to be at around 5-10 mg or so, which as expected, with doing it just the day before, barely put me at threshold, but that night, I did notice activity. +... never more than a ++ (for a second or two?), if I'm thinking about it right. Definitely enjoyed the concert. System of a Down/Deftones. And so many people were lighting up, there. I was jealous. Everyone around us. I wanted to ask for just one hit, but as it was, I was probably breathing in quite a bit of it. Definitely enjoyable atmosphere. Great concert.
By the time it was time to go, I barely felt anything from the 4-AcO-DMT. I may have, but it was ignorable. Just a nice addition. R told me the rest of the J was mine, so I took a few hits off it, and went home.
This is a (and will be a) very, very rough drafting, perhaps, potentially. I should probably do it by myself, first, but sometimes they just sit in open word files and never get posted. This way, I'll post, and edit later, so if the formatting is harsh, I'll probably mess with it. (I seem to be editing more into it). Thanks for reading. I know I write a lot, and sometimes it feels like I haven't gotten across any of it, at all. So much is missing (I just remembered something I wanted to say, and forgot it.). How gentle this was, like a feather. Lighter than, it put me down. And up, as easy as, or more! A little jarring, of course, but that's kind of neat. But I kept feeling it was so... light. Gentle and POWERFUL, trying totally not to be overzealous.
I have to end with saying that although I enjoyed the experience, and recommend it to those that are curious to make up their own minds, my mind isn't and probably won't be made up. Although I would consider this a glowing experience, flirting with a ++++, if not that, because I definitely had bliss (how interpret), I was still a tiny bit guarded (maybe not right word). It is, after all, a chemical compound that I just ingested. But it did feel, well, about as clean as LSD, I'd say. Maybe a little less, simply because more chemical was ingested, but I never felt poisoned. My body didn't feel bad.
Maybe to say it's awesome any more than I felt, then, I'd have to take more, which I plan to.
I did feel something was missing, I guess. But really, not really! Strange. It could be because I'm used to a similar chemical, 4-HO/PO-DMT, in concert with a few other tryptamines and other indoles(?). This is like a really fucking great guitar solo, not to narrow it down in any way. Just another voice... Potentially much more, but hopefully you understand my treading. (I think I need to take more...)
Future ideas: An oral dose of 37-42 mg, then potentially a higher dosage, orally, and also, this will be my first, perhaps, I.V. ROA psychedelic. I plan to first ingest some orally, to get in first, then punch through with a safer, but enough of a dose I.V.ed. If I had pure DMT, it may have been first in, but I have never attained any, and haven't gotten the motivation up to try to do an extraction. This, I hear, is actually similar, yet unique. DPT may also have gotten there first, too, but I have not tried it. Just read.
Visual: They were there, if I wanted to see them, but never seemed entirely prominent. Outside, at about T+01:20 or so, trees would branch out in a usual for me tryptamine kind of serpentine/tentacle visual way, flowing, crawling. Colors were brightened, but not as much as with LSD. About as much as mushrooms sometimes does. Soft. Altered depth perception, perhaps, not negative or positive, I won't say. Colors richer. Some bowing of things, but this is never the dominant elements. Eyes closed... dreamy imagery. Not the usual patterns that I expect to see, but smooth, flowing, most often this color of white. Anything that I saw, this shining "color", shining, was special. In the eyes of the girl I'd visualize, smiling with me/at me. It was quite romantic, at times. Could be erotic.
Tactile: I liked feeling the couch I was on. It wasn't particularly special in any way that I noticed, but it was fabric, and softer than concrete. I don't remember much tactile, honestly, as we mostly just sat.
Body: Euphoria. Undeniably some of the most I have felt. Breathing felt awesome. Walking felt okay, once got going, but wouldn't really want to be on a high dose of this, being inexperienced with it, at least- in recent time, around lots of people. Maybe could, though, Dunno. No jaw tension. Sleep wasn't tested at any normal time, but could at T+10:00 when I did lay down. Some sweating. Hands. Eyes, during the experience, experienced tearing up. I could feel it between my eyelids. Wasn't annoying at all, or anything. I wouldn't have minded fully crying, and feeling the water down my face. I have heard of this effect from many with this compound.
Mind: Pleasant. I don't know what to say about it. I think I'm pretty familiar, instinctively with the state/place that I go to, or went to with this, or it's like a bed/cave, that I have in me.
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Summary of drug use: First time alcohol at 16. Enjoyed caffeine more than the next person for some years before, and after. Pseudoephedrine/ephedrine used before soccer games to increase lung capacity, and for the buzz. Dramamine was used one night (Dimenhydrinate), in an attempt to emulate the effects of alcohol, at age 17. Stupid advice taken, but it prompted inquiry into what happened to me... Curiosity about the altered state, and sparked interest into LSD, and "classically active psychedelics", but chiefly LSD. Marijuana first used at age 18, when the plan was to attain some LSD, which fell through. Definitely not regrettable. I had a really strong, good experience with it, listening to Deftones- White Pony. LSD was attained some short time after, in time for New Years, and have tripped on it multiple times since. Mushrooms, some time later, but not a good experience with those until first day at college, and subsequent trips with them. At college experimented with cocaine, inhalant (once, stupid, air duster)... mainly used mushrooms there, the first year. Began having interest in research chemicals. The next psychedelic I'd try would be AMT (various times, mostly vaporized, but a few oral). Next in line would be 2C-E some times, then 2C-D some times... and MDMA/MDA are nestled in those couple of years, there, with Nitrous Oxide in there, with one or two MDMA experiences. I could be more precise, but I'm trying to move along. DOC. HBWR seeds, Blue Lotus experimented with, among a couple of other herbs. Former smoker (and snuffer) of tobacco. Don't currently use other drugs other than marijauna and psychedelics.
My set: I am excited. I am 150 lbs. Male. I ate 3-4 tbsp of hemp seeds about six hours prior. In life, I do have problems, but I feel I can let go of them enough. My body isn't very cooperative, in many ways, but somehow I haven't found this to effect my most recent trips. If anything it erases the guilt that I used to feel, or other dreadful feelings. Pain has taught me things, as much as I hate it. So in a sense some negative going in might be transmuted into something positive. Not that you have to have it for positive, though.
Setting: Friend- R's land, in the area I grew up, a some maybe 5 miles give or take from my old house that I spent most of my years. He owns his family's old house, which he is re-doing, as it has sat for some time, and things have been torn out. It is coming along, but slowly. I have wanted to help him, but I am lazy, and spend most of my free time on the couch, getting high, and playing videogames, and things like this.
His family owns a farm/farms in this area. We have more options for movement, and not being bothered by anyone... but there are chances of wildlife messing around near us, especially in recent drought conditions- apparently. There's also a cave around there, I guess. And a lake about a mile or two away. No city/town for miles in any direction.
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Package comes in mail at approximately 2:30 on my day off. I expected it could come, but didn't expect it to, you know.
What to do...
Weigh (options).
Decide to call R. This works out for him, at least that I called, as someone backed out on a concert ticket- disappearing for seven days, and R's car isn't reliable enough to drive the 5 hour distance, without fear, so that next day I'd earn a ticket by driving us.
Weigh my dosage. I decide I'm starting off at 29 mg, as I am very forgiving of myself at this point, and I hear this compound shines at 24+ mg. I cap it in an emptied out enzyme veggie capsule, and in it's container.
Hit the road. While driving, I notice the overcast sky- low clouds, and the pressure in my head. I don't feel well. I almost feel like canceling the trip.
Push on.
Get to location 1.5 hours away.
Skip to dose time- I don't remember much else.
I have weighed out doses. A new arrival, Al- R's cousin who lives on the property, shows up, and has decided to experiment as well. I have explained what the chemical is to the best of my knowledge- that it wasn't highly tested, at all, and advised them it was their decision, and whatnot.
I remember making (eye/brain/uh) contact with Ace when we agree we want to keep the compound in our mouth, prior to taking it. R says it tastes like crap. I don't find that descriptor proper for it. I just tasted it. But I'm used to taking supplements. My tastes may be more... refined, because I can't eat as much- simply (well, and mindset, and that I usually eat things one at a time in the raw form, perhaps). Not that I don't agree that it doesn't taste to be what we normally say is "good". Ha. Still, I found it interesting, and I'm not sure, but I think it gave a strange cooling sensation in my mouth, later. Like a numbing, but not uncomfortable. Not a toxic feeling.
T+00:00 - Within 10 minutes of my dose we have all dosed. I believe mine was last, R was first, at ~T-00:15, then Ace at say -10 and Al at about the same time, as mine was ready to go.
T+00:15 - First alert? Or was it 10 minutes. I think I said this, and we had just smoked some marijuana, as pointed out by someone. Still unsure.
T+00:30 - I think I'm starting to notice some altering of my vision. I see slight after images, and it just is starting to feel "that way". Very slight at this point. Nothing to jump up and down about. I honestly doubt the strength of the effects at this point.
I can't be certain about these times
T+00:45 - 01:00, give or take, and forward - I am doubting the potency of the sample I received, or my sensitivity to the substance. Thoughts like the typical "legal high"- it being bunk or not as strong, sort of poke me. I shake it off, knowing I can't be peaking, but I still feel I should have taken much more, like three times as much. My friends are feeling it, and seem to be enjoying it. Ace I can tell is feeling good. Music is being played- first time Dubstep... Probably Florence and the Machine, and then Tool is eventually put on
T+01:30 - I have put the rest of the bag that I got up my nose, and consumed some of it. I estimated it to be another 20 mg, later, give or take, based on what I know was used, and what was still there, etc. This doesn't matter, because I also found the compound undissolved still in my nose, days later... much of it. But I enjoyed the act of sniffing, anyways. Although I knew it looked fiendish, I simultaneously felt myself blasting off at this point (after fearing I hadn't taken enough only moments earlier), and wanted enough fuel for the journey. If I could have/If I would have had a like minded, responsible partner, I would have had a shot prepared at this point, and had them shoot me up. Just a thought. I may do this myself at some point.
Very soon, I was in it. They had put on a UFC fight that was on DVD. It's not something that I take pleasure in watching, naturally. I enjoy martial arts, and whatnot, but most of the time I'd rather not see constant physical combat. I like my physical combat to be direct, fast, get it done. I don't like the drawing it out- not that they intend to, but that's the result. And it's not that I "like it" anyways. But I do respect it, and find ways to enjoy it, and have interest in mechanics, and the way my friend describes it. Instinctively, I know how to fight. Like any animal. In a way, I get enjoyment out of those self-reinforcing things. No doubt. I did find myself mostly blocking this stimulus out, this night, though.
Tool was playing. I had sunk into the couch I was on, and shut my eyes. I was dancing. Moving with the songs. I felt I could hit the notes, I want to move with things I rarely had the energy to even register. And at the same time that I had this energy, like acid/shrooms can give, perhaps, I felt sedate (but not tired). If I tried to stand up, at the point I am considering (and I've probably skipped over a good amount, I have...), I'd have to be careful, supporting myself until I was up, and grounded. This could have been because of how into the position I was in previously.
It was uncontrollable. The music was just awesome for this. And apparently it went along with the fights. I was blinking in and out. I was in a state of bliss I have only achieved similarly, on MDA- not to compare the two or even the experiences, but the eyes closed so much of the time and level of enjoyment feels close. I remember breathing, and how CLEAN it felt. My lungs felt healthy, and clear, and the air, cool. The cooling effect my have been an effect of having the chemical in my mouth, but I don't know. ...I also found I could take mega hits of marijuana, and I didn't feel any disagreement. Full breaths, feeling more than I usually allow myself, perhaps even of air. I don't know. Friend reminded me "that's tripping". But this isn't an effect I remember prominently. I remember being able to smoke a lot, and smoke a lot without it "stoning" you, but maybe not the expanded lung capacity, and just it feeling that good.
My breathing felt really natural. It was relaxed.
This compound might not have some of the benefits of mushrooms, and I still respect mushrooms, but it has a lot of appeal. You know what you're getting, for one. It's pure. No nausea. Light as a feather (IME), for a lot of part- at least. Definitely something I want to explore further.
I wanted it in my blood. As I have said previously... I haven't wanted anything that I've tried in my blood, before, but I knew it would have been safe. I felt that something was very close... not that I wasn't in euphoria already. I could have handled more.
T+02:00 - 02:30 - Tool (Aenima), and UFC went together kind of how The Wizard of Oz and Pink Floyd Dark Side of the Moon, apparently. I caught some of it, mainly a climactic moment- of an introduction of two fighters. I didn't notice because I was in my own head, seeing a color of... non. White light. Soft. Super bright. Doesn't hurt my eyes. Like the color value for... white, for the human computer. I felt it in my breath. I don't know how much of a role it actually played, but I felt drawn to it. Definitely something (or nothing?). 0 value, or 1, depending on your entrance- perhaps.
Much of my mental trip was just reflections on emotions. Perhaps it was my brain associating things with emotions, kind of at random, but those associations were very real. A girl. I imagined her mirroring the emotions. Letting go, with me. To not think about these. My family. I wanted people I knew to feel how I felt. I wished I could allow my parents to experience this. I even thought about my nephew, who is much too young- not that I would ever give him a drug, but it felt... almost that benign.
Sometimes my thoughts went to my first niece- my sister's first daughter. She is growing up. She's 12, and at that age. She's shy. Reserves much of her thoughts. Smart. I see some of me in her- I relate. It had been her, and her sister's first day back at school. I spend a little time reflecting on her, wishing her well, and whoever I think about.
At times, throughout, I felt I was breathing light. The light (I saw) in my mind, was like nothing I had seen before. I had seen it with other things, but in this experience, it was very present... It wasn't like other times when white light had shown many colors, this light, as I have already talked about, or will again, was soft, and bright. Perfect. It was like an archetype value of 1 or 0 in a system, or exactly as the color is supposed to be. White. Nul. Void. It seemed as smoke- as the air I breathed, throughout the environment, in the eyes or people I imagined (girls, and emotions), and just around. It's hard to describe. But it was pervading.
Senses were blending, I think. This feeling of breathing, and the light.
T+03:00 - It's hard to say really, again, about this timing of things, and my descriptions... well, I can't remember everything that happened. So much of it was just raw emotion. The kind where you can look at the person you're madly in love with, and they get it- enough. You're on the same page. I didn't speak, so much of the time, but could, if spoken to... unless it made me think. If I had to plan real-world activities that would take place in only hours (starting drive to concert), I would rather not have, at that time. Words would be drawn out, stretched out while I think. Long "Ummms", just different kinds. I enjoyed the vocal resonating. Everything felt good. No negativity, and if there was, it was so easily canceled, and/or moved past.
I think it was here, or maybe a half hour later, or more, that I could and was communicating with people, more. Al had left, driving not a mile into their property, to his house. I hadn't looked around in awhile. I could definitely notice things. I did have some crawling patterns outside, and had them prior to sitting down- but that's not enough for me. I didn't feel it, until i was in the state I just talked about. Or touched on. Eyes closed. But it was visual. And with eyes closed, it was like I was in, as Ace- I heard say, dream states, at times. I was with people. This is going back to thinking about people.
The stuff is very relaxing. But also stimulating.
Wonderful.
Definitely something I want in my "cabinet".
T+04:00- T+05:00 - R is sort of pulling me out of the experience (I was in, then again), asking me if I am going to be good enough to drive in the next few hours, or he's reminding me of our plan/asking me the plan. This is what I meant when referring when I had to think about something- real world planning, talking was a little harder, of course. I didn't want to. I was somewhere else. But we were working under a schedule.
Still, I noticed how I and R are different. He's my friend, and I respect him, but we definitely have different ways about things. My "plan" was that I knew we had to leave around 5 A.M., if we wanted to go to my place, like I wanted to- first, to shower, and get an hour or so of sleep. But he had to think about it, starting at 2:30 A.M., or so. Maybe it was 3. Honestly kind of irritating, but understandable. The host, being him, is under more pressure. Nothing bothered me at this point, but I was sort of confused when he was adamant about getting the plan moving, and with his need to go home, telling us about it, to get some things for the next day or so- our travels, and then just sitting there. This put an unnecessary, "I'm doing nothing, waiting to do something..." feeling to things, for me. I don't like planning ahead a lot. I don't naturally do it much. I do... when I need to... and should sometimes more, but this is one reason, and one thing I won't do. Finally, I said for him to go do it- I was confused (? wondering why) why he had said it, and had not done it. He lives with his mother still, as there's really no reason for him to move, and he's re-doing this other house. I wanted to walk with him, and I'd wait outside while he got things inside- also to give him something to move toward- me, someone waiting on him outside, as he tends to do what he did... nothing... sometimes, or just takes his time. All fine and well, but he was the one that sounded like time was of the essence.
Nothing that was a problem. Amusing. I don't mind it, but sometimes I do feel like a shepherd. People get stuck in "thinking". Been there. Done that. Worn it out.
We were going to smoke, and then get on the road. I guess his thoughts of what needed to be done, something he may need to do- got to me, and I wanted them done right now, so we could free up the remaining time we had... so we could smoke the joint with hash, and trip out some more/come down some more, before having to leave.
The duration listed online said 4-6 hours, or 6-8 rather, and this did feel like we were definitely coming down at around 5 hours. Still in.. but coming out. I knew I'd be good to drive, although still feeling it, when the time came. As we all say... not advisable, but I can say, I definitely wasn't any worse off than driving to work after waking up just 45 minutes ago, in the morning. Not close. Rather alert at that point.
Anyway... back to about T+05:30, I'd say... (sorry) I think R and I take a walk up to his house- the house he sleeps and showers at, and we kind of keep a distance. I can tell he is a little out of it/not fully engaged in the experience. He wasn't from the start. He was doing it because he didn't want to feel jealous of me and his other friend, Ace, as we experienced it. He just wanted to take enough to feel it- the 15 mg. He just had a lot to do that day. He slept 2 hours. He worked some. He didn't have time to poop. These kinds of things can throw you off, so he wasn't enjoying it all quite as much as the Ace, myself, and his cousin. And the timing- R plans things... likes to try to... he didn't want to trip before having to make a five hour drive- 10 there and back. But I assured him I could make it, as I drive that much daily anyway (but spread out differently).
So I walked sort of on my own, and let him be alone. No big feelings here, just acknowledgment. I knew he wanted some alone time. Sort of forgot that that may be the case, with tripping, too, and his state. So I was with him, and allowed myself alone time, outside this house. We all got a good 45 minutes of being alone. Ace stayed down at R's other house.
While outside, paced around. I still felt good, but was definitely pretty down, compared to where I was. I can't really describe. From memory, I could have just been sober, but feeling good. Definitely altered state still, though. I was sitting down one moment in his drive way, and had picked up two stones. I think I still have them, but in some perfect timing, seemingly, I heard a sound I'd never heard before. This would be the second of the night- of some animal(s). I heard it once. It sounded directed toward me. Across the street- a field. Lights from the house do cover some of it, but I can't make anything out. First, after hearing it, I stood up, and chucked my shoulders up and down (shrugged dramatically, fast), three times. I didn't think about it, but the sound it made made my hair stand on end, and sounded challenging, so this was my response. This, then spreading my arms out to say "I'm big.". I never thought of Indiana as wilderness, any place here... but I guess, from what R tells me, there are some animals, that especially in these conditions as of late (drought) you need to be careful with. Coyotes apparently in the area, too, although I can't confirm.
At some point, earlier in the night, I heard some blood-curdling sounds coming from the woods across the road from the house we were at. I had stepped outside to pee, and found myself listening, and taking everything in, of course. Out of nowhere, it was like something was being slaughtered. Murdered. Or like a bunch of people were just... terrified. That's the thing, it sounded, at least- almost, like people. It went on for a few seconds. Didn't sound that far away, but the area is made up of hills, valleys, a lake nearby made into a valley... and sound travels.
It will go down as, I admitted to myself at the time, one of the scariest sounds I've heard. Yet... I was able to remain separate, and stay put. I actually leaned into it, investigative in nature. That could just be who/how I am, though. It didn't make my trip worse (not that it was bad), but I did wonder just what the hell happened. Like hell. Like hell. (And perhaps I got off on the emotional response to it)
R later wondered if it might have been coyotes taking down a deer, or something.
Actually- this may have taken place after taking the walk with R- to his house. Back there, after standing there with arms outstretched for a second, I walked toward the field across the road from here, and froze- then I heard it again- a screech, and saw the animal hop away. It almost sounded like a large bird of some kind, but they rarely pay attention to humans. I didn't think deer did, either, but apparently they make vocalizations similarly, and this may have been a buck. Here I thought the deeries were peaceful Bambis.
I say it may have been reversed, the before and after, because I think I remember thinking that it may have been that deer... Though I very well may be wrong.
When we got back, Ace was staring at the doorway, with a machete in hand. Apparently, something fairly large had come up to the door of the house. (The house, as I say, is being re-done. It's fairly open, the grass is wild (it's not not part of nature) and we only had the screen door as a barrier.). He had also tripped out some more, alone, in there. Said he saw the door morph.
But that's what happened. At about
T+06:00 - 06:30, we smoked the joint with hash pieces throughout... got really stoned, and got on the road. The hardest part was putting the car into gear. The joint kicked in some issues with thinking. I noticed before I left, when trying to get everything together. I knew I could drive the car, but not do certain things, still. Yea, this isn't recommended.
Driving was very nice. The sun was hinting at rising. I could see ahead without lights, but of course it's still pretty early, and dark. I like this time. Safest time (for us) to drive. I- again, no matter what I advise, know that I was fine to drive. I at no point had any issue. I was probably in ways better off than much of the time I'm sober (and overconfident/inattentive.)
Dropped Ace off at his place, and the vibe felt a little better. Not that he is a bad guy, but sometimes, when worn down, too, two people are easier than three, when there have been three, or you know. It was sort of a release, and to be on the road- starting the journey.
I could get more complex about relationships and dynamics, and whatnot, as I perceive them (could try), but I think this report is getting long.
R falls asleep much of the way. We make it back by about T+08:30 for me, and I am mostly down, but feel good. Still definitely feel good. I need something at a grocery, so we go in- they open as soon as we get there, just about. R gets some bulk pecans and brazil nuts, and granola bars/energy bars, and water, and toilet paper. I get enzymes, toilet paper, paper towels, and maybe baking soda. Takes longer than I had hoped, but that's alright. Get home to my apartment at about 8:30- we Hope to leave by 10:30-11. I shower, and take a quick nap. I reach a very nice place in this sleep... So relaxed. Felt awesome.
Alarm goes off at 10:58 A.M. I have slept approx. 1 HR. Time to go. Roll a joint, smoke joint. R rolls joint to bring with us, so I don't roll another one- as we don't finish the one I roll for now- We'll smoke it later.
The drive goes really easily. Usually time like that might drag, for me, but I felt awesome the entire way there. Tired, but something about the lingering trip, something about it, stayed. So relaxing. Everything was good. I kept on telling myself, that things were good... and if any thoughts came about that threatened that, like the night before- like in the experience, I could just choose to let it go, and say "we'll get through", and it will be good. Optimism was easy. I likened it to be surrounded by that which sustains me- a feeling of being at home no matter where I am. In some sense this can describe the afterglow. This made everything easier. No food, meditative- perhaps. Clear, but I do remember lapses in memory. Had no idea what I had just been talking about after one small derailment. Nothing worrisome- I've experienced it before.
Once we got there, to Clarkston, Michigan, R wanted to eat. I was still, basically fasting. I did eat one and a half avocados at some point at my place, though. But I had no desire to eat. I did, but I shut it off. I have multiple food allergies. He decides he wants Qdoba. We go in. He eats. We're just miles from the concert venue. This is good timing.
We leave. R looks for his joint. He can't find it.
We give up. The concert is starting. (He thinks he pulled it out with is phone at the restaurant). It will be starting. We still have a little bit of mine left, though.
In the parking lot. I proceed to try to snort up what is left/stuck to the sides of the bag of 4-AcO-DMT. Then I decide to just lick the bag, fearing I'm going to ingest plastic if I keep picking at it with these tweezers.
R and I take one hit of the J and put it out, before heading in.
The 4-AcO-DMT was estimated to be at around 5-10 mg or so, which as expected, with doing it just the day before, barely put me at threshold, but that night, I did notice activity. +... never more than a ++ (for a second or two?), if I'm thinking about it right. Definitely enjoyed the concert. System of a Down/Deftones. And so many people were lighting up, there. I was jealous. Everyone around us. I wanted to ask for just one hit, but as it was, I was probably breathing in quite a bit of it. Definitely enjoyable atmosphere. Great concert.
By the time it was time to go, I barely felt anything from the 4-AcO-DMT. I may have, but it was ignorable. Just a nice addition. R told me the rest of the J was mine, so I took a few hits off it, and went home.
This is a (and will be a) very, very rough drafting, perhaps, potentially. I should probably do it by myself, first, but sometimes they just sit in open word files and never get posted. This way, I'll post, and edit later, so if the formatting is harsh, I'll probably mess with it. (I seem to be editing more into it). Thanks for reading. I know I write a lot, and sometimes it feels like I haven't gotten across any of it, at all. So much is missing (I just remembered something I wanted to say, and forgot it.). How gentle this was, like a feather. Lighter than, it put me down. And up, as easy as, or more! A little jarring, of course, but that's kind of neat. But I kept feeling it was so... light. Gentle and POWERFUL, trying totally not to be overzealous.
I have to end with saying that although I enjoyed the experience, and recommend it to those that are curious to make up their own minds, my mind isn't and probably won't be made up. Although I would consider this a glowing experience, flirting with a ++++, if not that, because I definitely had bliss (how interpret), I was still a tiny bit guarded (maybe not right word). It is, after all, a chemical compound that I just ingested. But it did feel, well, about as clean as LSD, I'd say. Maybe a little less, simply because more chemical was ingested, but I never felt poisoned. My body didn't feel bad.
Maybe to say it's awesome any more than I felt, then, I'd have to take more, which I plan to.
I did feel something was missing, I guess. But really, not really! Strange. It could be because I'm used to a similar chemical, 4-HO/PO-DMT, in concert with a few other tryptamines and other indoles(?). This is like a really fucking great guitar solo, not to narrow it down in any way. Just another voice... Potentially much more, but hopefully you understand my treading. (I think I need to take more...)
Future ideas: An oral dose of 37-42 mg, then potentially a higher dosage, orally, and also, this will be my first, perhaps, I.V. ROA psychedelic. I plan to first ingest some orally, to get in first, then punch through with a safer, but enough of a dose I.V.ed. If I had pure DMT, it may have been first in, but I have never attained any, and haven't gotten the motivation up to try to do an extraction. This, I hear, is actually similar, yet unique. DPT may also have gotten there first, too, but I have not tried it. Just read.
Visual: They were there, if I wanted to see them, but never seemed entirely prominent. Outside, at about T+01:20 or so, trees would branch out in a usual for me tryptamine kind of serpentine/tentacle visual way, flowing, crawling. Colors were brightened, but not as much as with LSD. About as much as mushrooms sometimes does. Soft. Altered depth perception, perhaps, not negative or positive, I won't say. Colors richer. Some bowing of things, but this is never the dominant elements. Eyes closed... dreamy imagery. Not the usual patterns that I expect to see, but smooth, flowing, most often this color of white. Anything that I saw, this shining "color", shining, was special. In the eyes of the girl I'd visualize, smiling with me/at me. It was quite romantic, at times. Could be erotic.
Tactile: I liked feeling the couch I was on. It wasn't particularly special in any way that I noticed, but it was fabric, and softer than concrete. I don't remember much tactile, honestly, as we mostly just sat.
Body: Euphoria. Undeniably some of the most I have felt. Breathing felt awesome. Walking felt okay, once got going, but wouldn't really want to be on a high dose of this, being inexperienced with it, at least- in recent time, around lots of people. Maybe could, though, Dunno. No jaw tension. Sleep wasn't tested at any normal time, but could at T+10:00 when I did lay down. Some sweating. Hands. Eyes, during the experience, experienced tearing up. I could feel it between my eyelids. Wasn't annoying at all, or anything. I wouldn't have minded fully crying, and feeling the water down my face. I have heard of this effect from many with this compound.
Mind: Pleasant. I don't know what to say about it. I think I'm pretty familiar, instinctively with the state/place that I go to, or went to with this, or it's like a bed/cave, that I have in me.
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