So recently I had the single most traumatic experience of my life. I am an 18 year old male who is extremely experienced with psychedelics. I've tripped on LSD and psilocybin mushrooms over 30 times. I've had trips on mushrooms of over 5.5 g's of very potent mushrooms and have never had a negative expirience. However recently I was absolutely blown away and had the most horrible, traumatizing trip of my life.
It started because I trimmed weed for a friend of mine's dealer and he payed me in a vile of lsd which he told me had 300 micrograms of very very potent and pure LSD. He warned me not to take the whole thing but I knew I was experienced and after consideration, decided I could handle it and decided to give my friend half of the other vile (containing the same amount) to my friend who well call "J".
I the entire first vile on my tongue and J dripped half of the other into his eye. I was at my best friends house and their were a few others over who I was cool with. Earlier I had taken one of the largest dabs of my life, so I was extremely high on thc as well. About 20 minutes after dropping, I was overwhelmingly high, this come up was absolutely beautiful and I was having the prettiest visuals I had ever seen. After about an hour I was starting to realize that I was in for a very ins tense trip due to my incredibly lucid visuals and intense body high. Every motion was followed by beautiful traces in all kinds of bright intense colors. We were listening to music and watching an NBA game and I was incredibly happy it was so far an amazing trip.
After about another hour of this state, I started experiencing mild confusion, just kind of mistaking people for the wrong person and forgetting what I had done that day. It was mild however and I was able to remain in a blissful state as I had experienced confusion like this before and had never bothered me. But the confusion got worse. And kept getting worse. I started realizing that I didn't like the confusion and that kind of threw me off a bit. I started to feel like I was annoying everyone and couldn't hold myself to a thought for long enough to really process things. Music was sounding absolutely beautiful and I found myself lost in it for a brief period of time.
As soon as I snapped back into the world from this musical bliss, I got a terrible feeling, just that the confusion was overwhelming and I was having a hard time even answering simple questions, however during all of this I could thing clearly, it was as if my thoughts were racing so fast that o couldn't grasp them, but none of the thoughts were cloudy. Anyways, my friends decided to migrate to the basement and I told them I'd be down in a couple of minutes. As soon as they left I felt an incredibly dark presence and quickly found myself making my way downstairs. I got down there and felt relieved to see my friends, at this point they told me another one of my good friends was gonna head over and that made me feel better too. So I sat down and started listening to music again. At this point my friend put on a song that I enjoyed quite a bit, I listened to it for a good 30 seconds and at this point literally felt my mind slipping from reality. I tried to shake it off but it was as if I was mentally one step behind reality, as if I could see frame by frame of time and it was slowly getting further away from what was actually happening. I contemplated this expirience and began to panic. It was at this point I realized I could not control my movements, it was as if I was trapped in a predetermined situation and could only do what had actually happened during this given experience. My mind was suddenly slammed with the ungodly reality that I was dead, and was reliving the expirience of my death as part of the afterlife. I began screaming "No!" And "please god why" as I thought I had killed myself with the drugs I had taken. And I could not move my body except for how my sick twisted creator had doomed me to experience for the rest of eternity. Every time one of my friends told me everything would be ok, time would loop back and my friends would be acting like nothing would happen. I began to see my friend handing me water and telling me it would be ok over and over and over, and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't move my body how I wanted. I began bawling and wailing because my full human existence was reduced to being trapped in a sick time paradox of expiriencing the events leading up to my death over and over and over. You cannot fathom the torture you feel when you believe your eternity is going to be torture and despair. I had no doubt in my mind it was going to happen until the end of time, and my friends weren't really there, I could feel it, they were just figments of the torturous hell I was cast into, and no matter how loud I cried and screamed their names they would not seem to notice and just play out the same damn scene I was doomed to suffer through for the rest of exhistence. Moments before I was an entity of this universe and just like that, was reduced to nothing but a broken afterthought whatever this universe is. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. I felt utterly and completely helpless.
But slowly my mind started coming back to reality and as it did so, I saw my friend who I was told would show up soon, walked in the door. This lead to the realization that the time paradox wasn't my reality! Time was still moving forward and my mind had the friend showing up to prove it!
I cannot express the utter relief I felt. Moments before I had absolutely no hope of being able to exist on a normal spectrum of this universe again, and suddenly I realized that it was just an insane LSD trip.
I stood up, shaking and covered in sweat, got down on my knees and cried my eyes out. I have literally never been happier in my life and had to have all my friends come hug me. I cried for about ten minutes and couldn't stop touching my friend for the entire duration of that. It was just that I felt completely separated from them, and this universe entirely, that I could not even risk feeling whatsoever detatched again. The rest of the night I smiled and told my friends how much I loved them, and that they were the best. It was absolutely horrible, but beautifully enlightening.
I have now seen the darkest place my mind can go. I now know what it's like to have died, and put in hell. I experienced torture that no conscious mind should ever have to go through. But, I've been so much happier since, it's as if since now, I've faced the worst possible reality for a human conciousness to endure, and in comparison, even my worst fears pale in comparison. All petty instinces I worried about before seem to matter less. And I'm just grateful I'm not still in that unbearable eternity.
Although it was the most horrifying thing I've ever had happen, it was ultimately positive, and coming out of the other side of it, am overall pleased with the trip.
It started because I trimmed weed for a friend of mine's dealer and he payed me in a vile of lsd which he told me had 300 micrograms of very very potent and pure LSD. He warned me not to take the whole thing but I knew I was experienced and after consideration, decided I could handle it and decided to give my friend half of the other vile (containing the same amount) to my friend who well call "J".
I the entire first vile on my tongue and J dripped half of the other into his eye. I was at my best friends house and their were a few others over who I was cool with. Earlier I had taken one of the largest dabs of my life, so I was extremely high on thc as well. About 20 minutes after dropping, I was overwhelmingly high, this come up was absolutely beautiful and I was having the prettiest visuals I had ever seen. After about an hour I was starting to realize that I was in for a very ins tense trip due to my incredibly lucid visuals and intense body high. Every motion was followed by beautiful traces in all kinds of bright intense colors. We were listening to music and watching an NBA game and I was incredibly happy it was so far an amazing trip.
After about another hour of this state, I started experiencing mild confusion, just kind of mistaking people for the wrong person and forgetting what I had done that day. It was mild however and I was able to remain in a blissful state as I had experienced confusion like this before and had never bothered me. But the confusion got worse. And kept getting worse. I started realizing that I didn't like the confusion and that kind of threw me off a bit. I started to feel like I was annoying everyone and couldn't hold myself to a thought for long enough to really process things. Music was sounding absolutely beautiful and I found myself lost in it for a brief period of time.
As soon as I snapped back into the world from this musical bliss, I got a terrible feeling, just that the confusion was overwhelming and I was having a hard time even answering simple questions, however during all of this I could thing clearly, it was as if my thoughts were racing so fast that o couldn't grasp them, but none of the thoughts were cloudy. Anyways, my friends decided to migrate to the basement and I told them I'd be down in a couple of minutes. As soon as they left I felt an incredibly dark presence and quickly found myself making my way downstairs. I got down there and felt relieved to see my friends, at this point they told me another one of my good friends was gonna head over and that made me feel better too. So I sat down and started listening to music again. At this point my friend put on a song that I enjoyed quite a bit, I listened to it for a good 30 seconds and at this point literally felt my mind slipping from reality. I tried to shake it off but it was as if I was mentally one step behind reality, as if I could see frame by frame of time and it was slowly getting further away from what was actually happening. I contemplated this expirience and began to panic. It was at this point I realized I could not control my movements, it was as if I was trapped in a predetermined situation and could only do what had actually happened during this given experience. My mind was suddenly slammed with the ungodly reality that I was dead, and was reliving the expirience of my death as part of the afterlife. I began screaming "No!" And "please god why" as I thought I had killed myself with the drugs I had taken. And I could not move my body except for how my sick twisted creator had doomed me to experience for the rest of eternity. Every time one of my friends told me everything would be ok, time would loop back and my friends would be acting like nothing would happen. I began to see my friend handing me water and telling me it would be ok over and over and over, and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't move my body how I wanted. I began bawling and wailing because my full human existence was reduced to being trapped in a sick time paradox of expiriencing the events leading up to my death over and over and over. You cannot fathom the torture you feel when you believe your eternity is going to be torture and despair. I had no doubt in my mind it was going to happen until the end of time, and my friends weren't really there, I could feel it, they were just figments of the torturous hell I was cast into, and no matter how loud I cried and screamed their names they would not seem to notice and just play out the same damn scene I was doomed to suffer through for the rest of exhistence. Moments before I was an entity of this universe and just like that, was reduced to nothing but a broken afterthought whatever this universe is. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. I felt utterly and completely helpless.
But slowly my mind started coming back to reality and as it did so, I saw my friend who I was told would show up soon, walked in the door. This lead to the realization that the time paradox wasn't my reality! Time was still moving forward and my mind had the friend showing up to prove it!
I cannot express the utter relief I felt. Moments before I had absolutely no hope of being able to exist on a normal spectrum of this universe again, and suddenly I realized that it was just an insane LSD trip.
I stood up, shaking and covered in sweat, got down on my knees and cried my eyes out. I have literally never been happier in my life and had to have all my friends come hug me. I cried for about ten minutes and couldn't stop touching my friend for the entire duration of that. It was just that I felt completely separated from them, and this universe entirely, that I could not even risk feeling whatsoever detatched again. The rest of the night I smiled and told my friends how much I loved them, and that they were the best. It was absolutely horrible, but beautifully enlightening.
I have now seen the darkest place my mind can go. I now know what it's like to have died, and put in hell. I experienced torture that no conscious mind should ever have to go through. But, I've been so much happier since, it's as if since now, I've faced the worst possible reality for a human conciousness to endure, and in comparison, even my worst fears pale in comparison. All petty instinces I worried about before seem to matter less. And I'm just grateful I'm not still in that unbearable eternity.
Although it was the most horrifying thing I've ever had happen, it was ultimately positive, and coming out of the other side of it, am overall pleased with the trip.
