3 Months of Derealization

[AnonUser98]

Hi, so basically I've rarely smoked weed. I've done it like 5 times properly over the course of 2 years. So I'm NOT addicted nor was I ever a regular user.
About 3 months ago nearly, 25th of January I had purchased a vape and decided to try it, note at this point the last time I smoked was on new years eve and I had a bit of anxiety whilst being high but it was still very very pleasant experience.
So without going off-topic, I went outside that morning at 9-10am in my garage and was sitting down with a bit of paranoia of being caught and anxiousness to begin with. I put it on 190-200c and I cant remember but I had 10-15 hits so It was quite a lot, I was using it for around 3-4 minutes and then turned it off and went inside. Suddenly I felt like I couldn't control my own body and was walking down and up in my own house with a very unpleasant out of body experience. It was not synthetic it was very powerful. About 1 hour in I started getting paranoid that my heart was beating too quickly, I looked in the mirror and my face was very pale and this is when I started getting panicky. I eventually told my dad what I had done and I started panicking soo much that I was dry reaching and couldn't breathe properly. This was going on for the entire day and that night I went to bed I was having extremely vivid dreams that I was smoking again. I wouldn't even want to sleep in the first place because I thought I would die. 2 days in I still had it and eventually told my mum, she was supportive of me though. I ended up going to the hospital 2 days later because I would get episodes of panicking and not being able to breathe. I was prescribed a light dosage of Valium and was taking that for the next 2-3 days which helped me a bit. Now my memory is really fuzzy now but basically ever since then like I've been okay but I've had a couple smaller panicking episodes so the physical part of it has stopped but I've had major derealization ever since then and everything seems fake to me. I think though as time goes on everything is slower getting better but my paranoia has climbed out of control I literally thought 2 weeks after that incident that something was wrong with me like throat cancer, testicular torsion, brain swelling and the list goes on. Sometimes things feel 2D and I just over think everything now. I just want it to end because I've never done anything besides weed and drink alcohol. Mind I'm only 18 and don't want to end up in a psychiatric hospital. I haven't touched weed since that day and never will again. I believe I might have a pre-disposition to becoming like that though because my dad has schizophrenia and has had some bad experiences with drugs but I think he's done other things and consumed cannabis on a daily basis. I don't really know whats wrng with me to be honest but I thought I might say it here.

 

[KarmaComedian]

The links between Cannabis and schizophrenia are tenuous at best. Psychosis and overuse is a possibility, although the risk of alcohol causing it is far greater.
Different strokes for different folks, as the time-worn axiom states.
I'm a bit borderline and anti-social without weed. ( Long term stuff going back to childhood and nothing to do with drug use/abuse.) Like any other medication, effects can vary wildly between individuals. Welbutrin helps a lot of people. However, it makes me exceedingly violent. All my inner hostility breaks through the surface.

 

[st0rch]

Just as reassurance, because I am well aware of how TERRIFYING that can feel, it will eventually get better. The only thing keeping it there at this point, is your anxiety and your brain. Once you stop thinking about it, it will fade into nonexistence. I don't know what caused my derealization, but I remember waking up one night not recognizing my tv, my face, my family... Looking at items like a purse hanging on the banister and trying to UNDERSTAND what the fuck it was because it looked so strange to me. I went to the ER like 3-4 times, was in a constant state of fear.

I haven't smoked in 3 years, but I feel pretty much normal (but with way more generalized anxiety) now. I still get flare ups where things look weird, but I think that's mostly because of how terrified I am of going back to that state. I want to smoke again desperately and don't know if I'll ever be able to again But trust me, you will heal and feel normal again. I had all the same fears you did, thought I was schizo, losing my mind, sick with EVERYTHING. Eventually wanted to die just to make it stop.

As a piece of advice. GET OUTSIDE and live your life like you didn't feel it, or you will develop other anxieties from feeling "safe" in your little zone and you will have to overcome those too. The sooner you realize this is not going to hurt you, it's all in your head, and it will slowly fade, the better chance of recovering quickly you have.

I took valium a few times when it got super bad, but I'd advise you to stay away from that drug and benzos in general. They are not safe / good drugs IMO and will cause other dependency issues that could cause you to feel weird when you aren't on them. Overcome this, and be happy.