21 & Need Some Guidance

[Hulksmash218]

Hi I'm new just joined yesterday I've done lorcets all the way to dilaudid and hydro, meth, lsd, shrooms, weed(not really an accomplishment), mdma, glue, and dust off within the last 2 years I've had a few experiences in all but my biggest ones are hydro, meth, and lsd I registered on here for an education because even with all the vast forums and posts I still have questions that I can't find answers for on here or even all throughout google my latest drug was a meth crystal laced with e (at least I hope and assume it is) the city I live in is full of m and I've heard some users say you can't trust the dealers here because they've made and sold crystallized bug bomb fog as m and I've heard a few

stories of buyers calling out their dealers but I haven't met those buyers so I can't really get all the details on how to know the difference and also I know a little of most all the drugs and the ones I did I never researched and did it on impulse I know enough now to not kill myself and I've dabbled in and out of addiction cycles (I know that sounds contradictory but when I'm on any of it I feel strong cravings for more and so far my longest withdrawal period was 2 months I love to get high until I reach a point usually within a week or month that for myself feels like addiction which scares me into sobering to regain control and I'm sure some may think if that's the case why even do drugs but I love them just to have time to escape reality and forget my memories for short periods of time I guess I have add and depression mostly because I understand people with add on a personal level can't say I have it never been tested

but at times I kinda reevaluate my actions and feel that could be why I know I'm high functioning autistic because I was a caregiver and going through the training I had a lot of the same traits that constitute having autism and I have to be on thespectrum because my senior yeari took classes I've never learned anything about and I slept through them all while tutoring the students taking the online college courses whilethe teacher took care of the 12th grade classes and I even aced all the midterms and finals without any substance, studying, or preparations I'm not trying to brag about myself that's just not normal and as far as I've heard anyone of that capability has been autistic and I

was tested briefly but my parents took me out of the guidance clinic and refused to let me get help I'm sure the details may change but some if not many of you have had similar problems with abusive parents which is a large factor in my depression along with abusive extended family members) but I want to learn everything about drugs so I can be safe and smart about it and so I can help people answer their questions on drugs or even be able to understand how to help them quit when they're ready I know drugs are bad for your health and most people if they could they'd take it all back and I respect that and I also know others don't care and just want to get high for reasons of their own and

I know I said I have a reason to do it but I've noticed that's the first step to becoming a full blown addict in my own experiences but I have not let my reason to justify continuous use life is just hard and I push myself to the breaking point before I get overwhelmed with problems then do drugs to sort of hit the reset button and take a break and come back with a different approach I won't lie I am addicted to meth I used to drive for some tar dealers they'd shoot in the back seat sometimes I even held the spoon until this one dealer held me hostage and forced me to smoke m the first hit didn't affect me so later that day I did more and 3 days later I took a day off it I've fought that one hard and have it mostly under control those tar dealers and my best friend that rode the horse showed me the ugly side of it and I'm 21 and deathly afraid to try it so that's a basic background on me can I get anyone to teach me more and help answer some of my questions it'd be greatly appreciated