2007- hell in heaven

[greywoodfoxhall]

i spent it in a drug-addled dream.
but there was no stone...


just the de-kote'd pills.
the melting greens-
sub-lingual things,
for troubled beings.

the yolk i shouldered grew a welt,
and it was swell
to lose such wealth.
and it's so swell
the hand i'm dealt.

virgin lips can never touch.
empty hearts will not fill up.
but my gas can can...
can not go dry.
and my ashtray's smoke...
will fill the sky.
exhaled smoke; can't
make you die...

just follow me.
just follow me.
in lost dead alleys,
the others flee.

i found a high that can't compare,
when my barbed wire caught your hair.
but you had known,
i had not. i never even had the thought.

you lie on down,
you lie in cold.
and it starts falling...
crack,
ice,
blackened snow.

the sleet won't fall
in this my town, my only choice:
is i must drown.
it won't hurt, cause i'm not here.
i'm like a pollock
my brain's a smear.

don't you fret.
don't you cry.
this drowning thing,
it takes some time.
five more years is what i got...
and oh my devil;
it will get hot.

water is solvent.
ether is not.

my darkest queen,
take my hand,
assume the role
they told us there;
the screaming christians,
with their asphalt lies.
they called us damned...
they hide their crimes.

we'll rape their gods divine.

 

[greywoodfoxhall]

this is a poem about losing a pregnancy because of a medically required abortion with the girl i was planning on marrying. she had an ED, and hadn't had a period in a year, it was a miracle she even got pregnant. she was 17 (i was 20... we were in MT at the time, but dated the first time in TN... the classic senior guy/freshman girl thing), so her mom went in with her. there were two old protestors yelling at me, "Stop her son, save her life." Little did they know, the child was going to die anyways, the question was, for the sake of religious dogma, would the mother die too? We were saving her life... but, afterwards, there was a ghost between us. We ended up breaking up, I came back to Nashville. My own ED became full blown. I would wake up, snort my Focalin, chug two Natty Ices, then run three miles in the 11AM-12PM heat. I usually would vomit without trying at the end of the run, or I would force myself too... that way I got the alcohol, but not the carbs. I had a bottle of Gin for when I got hungry later. It was one of the darkest periods of my life... the only thing to trump it was my fiance's suicide.