Let's be totally honest about this though. While you probably have made bad decisions with drug use, the pull of the drug is insanely powerful. I don't think there are many people on this site that can honestly say they have never been unable to resist doing a drug they greatly enjoyed. We're all in that same boat, because it's crazy difficult to resist, especially when your life sucks.
Is it possible to meet people and just always keep the paraphilias a secret? I guess that's probably a crappy way to really connect people though, to always have to keep a secret. Maybe you can try to find support groups for people who have them. There probably isn't much chance that other people with similar paraphilias would judge you.