Anon Ymous
Ex-Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 13, 2008
- Messages
- 109
I'm an 18 year old male who lives in Australia. I was first prescribed a benzodiazepine when I was in my 15's, towards the end of being a 15 year old boy. I had mild, bery bery mild anxiety at the time and sought out treatment, first psychotherapy, then anti-depressants, then a doctor who prescribed a whole galaxy of benzodiazepines. Xanax 1 and 2 mg, Ativan 1mg, Diazepam 5mg, Bromazepam 6mg, Nitrazepam 5mg and finally Clonazepam 2mg. Noone knew about my little habit, not even myself, I had no fucking idea about how addicting benzodiazepines could be until I was in my late 17's. After sampling and getting a shitload of benzodiazepines and Dexamphetamine tablets, I decided to look up the drugs I was taking on the web and found that clonazepam was a long acting potent benzo and BAM I was on that shit straight away, 100 x 2mg clonazepam with 2 repeats the doctor wrote out. Soon after that, the doctor retired. For the next 2 years, I was addicted to clonazepam. 2mg a day was my absolute limit, and my maximum dose was, I prefer not to dicksize. I was a naive, non-drug seeking adolescent. After I finished Grade 12, I decided to go cold turkey during the Summer. Waited 3-4 days and FUCK ME, I was in so much psychological and physiological pain, out of this world pain, no sleep for 6 days, not knowing what the fuck was going on, ohh shit the words cannot describe the pain I was in. You have to go through benzodiazepine withdrawal to understand it. Anyways, for the next 6 months I was home-bound. Never went out, didn't know what the fuck I wanted to do in life, stopped socializing and was a crazy Ritalin and Dexy fiend going through bouts of ineffective anti-depressant treatments til' one day my GP who trusted me, prescribed me the oh so dreaded Xanax 2mg 50 tablets. I was no stranger to Xanax. I had previously gone through about 10+ bottles during my initial benzo addiction hay days (when I was 15 years old). Anyway, I hadn't had any benzos or liquor in 6 months and instant anxiety relief came with 1mg Xanax. I was able to go to the shops and hand out job resumes. I landed myself a job, and also the confidence to see other doctors about anxiety and scored myself 100 x 5 mg Valium tablets. Within a 2 month period, the Xanax was gone and the Valium was running low. I never knew that I could withdraw from the way that I was using the Xanax (every second day) and again, I suffered the motherfucking wrath of benzodiazepine withdrawal, this time while holding down a job at a supermarket and enrolling in a University course...The Xanax withdrawal was alot less longer than clonazepam withdrawal, but more intense I guess. Anyways, around September I was on Paroxetine 40 mg a day for a god 3-4 months, and I went cold turkey off them and was extra homicidal and angry and out of my mind so I called up my psychiatrist and got a script for 2mg Rivotril x 100 tablets. The addiction crept up on me and I found myself dependent within a couple of weeks. 200 tablets later, it was revealed to my parents that I was addicted to clonazepam. They were angry at the medical professionals for this mess and after searching around for a doctor who knew a thing or two about benzo withdrawal, I was put on 6 x 5mg Valium tablets a day instead of 6mg Rivotril a day. I'm going through my 3rd benzo withdrawal this year, I'm in pain and my anxiety has flared up to the point where I believe I got an anxiety disorder. Life's a bitch. I'll be spending NYE home with my parents. I'm missing out on life. But I'm not depressed, people have got it way worse than me.
Point of this post, you can make it through whatever you're doing. I'm 18 years old and have been in a severe car accident and have suffered from a crippling benzo addiction since I was 15 years old. Also another point I'd like to raise now is that people out there who have a fresh script for benzos, please don't take em every single day. Take them recreationally, enjoy life, don't let the benzos ruin your life and turn you into something horrible. I cannot stress it enough.
Drugs are great, just don't let them fuck you over Bluelighters.
Point of this post, you can make it through whatever you're doing. I'm 18 years old and have been in a severe car accident and have suffered from a crippling benzo addiction since I was 15 years old. Also another point I'd like to raise now is that people out there who have a fresh script for benzos, please don't take em every single day. Take them recreationally, enjoy life, don't let the benzos ruin your life and turn you into something horrible. I cannot stress it enough.
Drugs are great, just don't let them fuck you over Bluelighters.