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Detox I don't want to do this anymore. (Cocaine)

toothpastedog said:
Why have you been without your medication? I know from personal experience cocaine cessation is faaar easier to deal with when I'm receiving the appropriate support with my mental health concerns (anxiety, depression, ptsd).
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I finished the last prescriptions I had, and I'm waiting to hear back from the doctor I found closer to where I am now via my health insurance, re: setting up an appointment.
 
beebox said:
I'm feeling really good today! Minimal withdrawal side effects. I got out of the house and ran errands, went to the mall, took a drive, listened to music. It was really nice. I also got a phone call for a job interview which I have on Thursday! Tomorrow I'm going to a ballgame with my parents. All of a sudden I feel like I have a lot to look forward to.
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beebox said:
I finished the last prescriptions I had, and I'm waiting to hear back from the doctor I found closer to where I am now via my health insurance, re: setting up an appointment.
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That sounds great! In terms of mood stabilizers, look into adding gabapentin as a replacement for you anxiety meds to your psych cocktail. It is generally less problematic than benzos are, although if you need a script of that for early recovery there is nothing wrong with taking whatever medication is appropriate under your doctors care. I believe gabapentin is now prescribed as both a mood stabilizer and as an anxiety medication.

Can you spend a bit of time in nature each day? Ideally like 45-60 minutes a day. Super good for recovery and mental illness generally. Plants, especially trees, and nature more generally is often the best medicine :)
 
toothpastedog said:
That sounds great! In terms of mood stabilizers, look into adding gabapentin as a replacement for you anxiety meds to your psych cocktail. It is generally less problematic than benzos are, although if you need a script of that for early recovery there is nothing wrong with taking whatever medication is appropriate under your doctors care. I believe gabapentin is now prescribed as both a mood stabilizer and as an anxiety medication.

Can you spend a bit of time in nature each day? Ideally like 45-60 minutes a day. Super good for recovery and mental illness generally. Plants, especially trees, and nature more generally is often the best medicine :)
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I used to be on that! I don't remember why I stopped. It was working well for me. But I'll be sure to bring it up again with my new doctor! I want to get off of Xanax, eventually.

Oh, absolutely! We have a beautiful back yard with an amazing garden. Additionally, I'm a mere 10 minute walk from a park! I LOVE nature. It's so important to me.
 
Also - I used to be on Naltrexone. I'm thinking of going back on that for awhile, too.
 
I suggest finding something else to get your mind off wanting coke. (nicotine) If you are for doing that. I find vaping or using my jul helps get my mind off of wanting coke. Yes nicotine isn't good for you but neither is coke, kinda picking your poison.
 
goducks said:
I suggest finding something else to get your mind off wanting coke. (nicotine) If you are for doing that. I find vaping or using my jul helps get my mind off of wanting coke. Yes nicotine isn't good for you but neither is coke, kinda picking your poison.
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I smoke cigs and also, weed helps a lot with coke cravings/withdrawal. Maybe I'll get a vape!
 
What were you using naltrexone for? Was it oral or sustained release injection?
 
Did it help? Have you ever tried bupropion? I have known people who said it helped them a lot dealing with cocaine cessation.
 
toothpastedog said:
Did it help? Have you ever tried bupropion? I have known people who said it helped them a lot dealing with cocaine cessation.
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It didn't really, no. I relapsed a lot while on it. I didn't know if I needed a higher dosage or what. I haven't tried that before! I'll have to bring it up with my doctor when I see her.
 
The doctor's office finally called me back! I have my first intake appointment at the new place on the 23rd. Still have to wait a couple weeks, but that's okay. I can do this. I'm just happy that I'll have a doctor again.
 
I've had such a good day already! I had an interview earlier this afternoon and I feel like it went extremely well. I've made some necessary appointments for the upcoming days/weeks. I feel like I'm slowly starting to get my life together. I have some slight anxiety, but no real desire to use. In fact, right now I'm turned off by the mere thought of cocaine after my last trip. The desire to quit feels very real this time around.
 
Physical symptom I've not had before: I'm EXTREMELY itchy. My back, my arms, my feet, my hands, my legs. I googled it and apparently its a fairly common withdrawal symptom. It just started this evening and it's been non-stop. 8( Ack!
 
Hang in there OP, you're doing great! IME/IMO buproprion will probably be more useful than naltrexone, but try whatever you and your doctor decide on. How's your sleep, diet and activity level going?
 
toothpastedog said:
Hang in there OP, you're doing great! IME/IMO buproprion will probably be more useful than naltrexone, but try whatever you and your doctor decide on. How's your sleep, diet and activity level going?
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Thank you! I will definitely bring that up to my doctor when I see her.

My sleep is kind of all over the place. It takes me a long time to fall asleep at night, even if I do go to bed feeling very tired. However, I've used my Deep Relax meditation app every night and that really helps to relax me. I've been paying a lot of attention to my diet. Over the last week I've been drinking a lot of raw juices every day to hydrate me and flush out my system. I'm also trying to eat two meals a day, although sometimes it's very hard for me. I fall back on old habits. Activity has been good. The last three-four days I've made sure that I've had something to do every day. Even if it's something small or minor. I'm trying to get a lot of errands done, as well as making necessary appointments and doing the things I have to do in order to keep my life moving forward. Some days it's harder than others - all of it, and some days it's super easy. I'm trying not to rush myself, you know? Trying not to overwhelm myself with too much at once.
 
Today has been weird:

- I've been very irritable. Very sad to very angry.
- My entire body is incredibly itchy and it feels like there are bugs crawling on me.
- My body aches, my heart is sore, my arm has been tingling since I shot up for the first time in April. (I haven't shot up again since then.)
- I'm worrying that I've really harmed my body the last few times I've used, yet I'm terrified to admit it to any of my friends or family, and I'm terrified to admit it to a doctor because I'm afraid they're going to judge me.
- I'm on the brink of going back to cocaine ideation vs. loathing the drug and I don't want to turn that corner because I know where it will lead. And cocaine is trying to kill me. And I don't want to die.
 
beebox said:
Today has been weird:

- I've been very irritable. Very sad to very angry.
- My entire body is incredibly itchy and it feels like there are bugs crawling on me.
- My body aches, my heart is sore, my arm has been tingling since I shot up for the first time in April. (I haven't shot up again since then.)
- I'm worrying that I've really harmed my body the last few times I've used, yet I'm terrified to admit it to any of my friends or family, and I'm terrified to admit it to a doctor because I'm afraid they're going to judge me.
- I'm on the brink of going back to cocaine ideation vs. loathing the drug and I don't want to turn that corner because I know where it will lead. And cocaine is trying to kill me. And I don't want to die.
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You feeling any better today, beebox?
 
simco said:
You feeling any better today, beebox?
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I am! The majority of what I was feeling yesterday has gone away. Now I just feel rather anxious, but that could be due to watching the news all day and seeing what's happening in my country. I know it sounds weird, but current events play a great role in affecting my mental health, state of mind, and sobriety.
 
Today was not a good day.

It started out fine. I woke up and decided to clean the house. While I was vacuuming, I threw my back out. For whatever reason, that flung me into a rage. I was angry and screaming and punching my closet door. I felt crazed. After about ten minutes of that, I began sobbing in my mom's arms. All I could say was, "I need my meds." That, combined with a week+ of detox, just took its toll on me, causing me to have a slight mental break.

I'm feeling calmer now. I'm just in a lot of pain in my back.
 
Tonight I told my mom exactly how bad my cocaine addiction has become. She knows that I have used, and she knows I've been addicted, but I don't think she knew that there has been a resurgence in my addiction. I told her everything, about how I'd use when I was living with my ex as a way to cope with the abuse I was enduring, as well as when I shot the first time - the day before Easter this-past April. She told me she knew there was something wrong with me when my ex and I came here for Easter Sunday for dinner.

She told me that she was going to do everything she can to help me through my addiction. She wants me to work with her to ensure that I don't use again. She was so helpful and so understanding. I didn't even plan to talk to her, everything just started coming out. It felt really good to open up to her.

Cocaine is obviously on my mind right now, and I do have that "longing" for it, but I'm not going to do that to myself again. I have to keep moving forward.
 
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