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A life on drugs.

Phoenix_rising

Phoenix_rising

Bluelighter
Joined
Sep 22, 2010
Messages
592
Hi fellow BLrs,

As you may have seen I have been on BL for many years and contributed many a time and always liked to debate,but now I would like to see your opinion on a life of drug use.

Since the age of 13 I have been using drugs and now I am 41. I have kicked the habit several times including MDMA,Opiates,Cocaine,Cannabis and Arylcyclohexylamines ,but always gravitate back to something or another,never have I been completely clean as they say...I`m now on opiate maintenance and Diazepam,i`ve kinda come full circle.

So at my age do you think that to accept that I'm a dug user and maintain safely rather than being irresponsible is better than continually trying to break the habit? Or do you think that someone like myself should fight to become someone new and free myself from addiction?

For me it`s like all those dieters out there who spend so much money and time trying to overcome their weight issues only to put more weight on when they finish,their problem never goes away,they just seem to yo yo. so instead of eating themselves to death or depriving themselves they should just try and regulate their intake and eat foods that do less damage?

Phoenix.
 
Hard to say without knowing your personality/neurochemistry...I am struggling with the same issue. At times it seems attempting to maintain abstinence does more harm than good...then again the drugs or rather the addiction to them seem to be slowly dismantling my life....to the point that suicide seems a viable option.
 
I feel what your saying,many a time have I contemplated suicide and actually tried a couple of times too which failed terribly,a bit like my life. When you live a life with drug abuse or the illness that they call addiction it seems that the inevitable is death,we just postpone it the best we can.

Or do we try to accept who we are and try to live a stable life on maintenance? At my age I really thought I would have sorted my shit out and be living the life I thought I would be without drugs,instead I'm broke and a bit of a joke in the eyes of others.
 
Drugs do not make you a different person, you will always be you. Unless you have mental illness or some type of problem that drugs bring out, I have anxiety and add and am not affected badly by drugs, cocaine relaxes me though and opiates make me energized and euphoric.

Stop listening to whatever or whoever makes you feel the way you are, you are not an addicted, you are someone who partakes in using drugs recreationally. Your life does matter and you have people who love and care for you and would hate for you to actually die. There are few drugs that are bad for you actually like meth and piperazines. Stay away from those and another harmful way drugs can harm you is through withdrawal, benzos are typcially safe unless withdrawaling. You can easily quit drugs whenever but usually relapses are inevitable just DO NOT go back on the road you were previously on, you quit for a reason reduce your dosing and times you dose a week.
 
Phoenix_rising said:
I feel what your saying,many a time have I contemplated suicide and actually tried a couple of times too which failed terribly,a bit like my life. When you live a life with drug abuse or the illness that they call addiction it seems that the inevitable is death,we just postpone it the best we can.

Or do we try to accept who we are and try to live a stable life on maintenance? At my age I really thought I would have sorted my shit out and be living the life I thought I would be without drugs,instead I'm broke and a bit of a joke in the eyes of others.
Click to expand...

IMO you're no more of a joke than anyone else is. Drugs are only one way to make a life messy. If it's not drugs it's going to be something else. Shit death is inevitable whether you use drugs or not.
 
Cosmic Trigger said:
IMO you're no more of a joke than anyone else is. Drugs are only one way to make a life messy. If it's not drugs it's going to be something else. Shit death is inevitable whether you use drugs or not.
Click to expand...

I agree. Most people have a "drug" in their life, the only difference from us users is that it's something that is socially acceptable.
 
I've pretty much used something since I was 10 or 11, at those ages it was whippedts(discovered on accident I was a fatty then, lol) and my dad got some kind of inhaler for breathing that I would do about 10 squirts on it felt like whippets would get fuckin intense when I would keep on doin it binge like. Then my first REAL drug was DXM at 13 a few times but made me itchy then also tried weed at 13 at fourteen I tried Valium and codiene by 15 I was taking Valium on the weekends at doses like 40-60mg if it was just Valium, would cut it down to 30-40mg when mixed with wine or whiskey, by 17 I was DRUNK every night then turned into a pothead at 18 quit everything else...then the real shit started at 19 maybe by late 18 of taking as many loracets 10s I could by but would get methadone more cuz it was cheaper then became a dedicated opiate. Addict. Now 28 on suboxone but had some crystal, a few hits of FENT off a tinfoil now holding/ chewing the empty package under my tounge.. Iv user of everything mostly. I feel unless something really changes I'm just gonna go on methadone and hope they allow gabapentin or lyrics if not benzos. I was miserable sober, kinda tired of it now but just because of money... I'd be fine if I just took my sub but I dont
 
Hey guys, i was an opiate addict for years after a four wheeler accident, one time i almost OD and ive tried tapering, cold turkey, skipping days and nothing at all worked. I was up to 3 80's a day...i woulf read these threads everytime i would try and quit. This was the hardest thing i ever did in my life. I am married, 3 kids and own a business. The addiction consumed me. I was online and found "ibogaine" after allot of research, i decided to go through with it...no Bull Shit; 24hr after taking it, i walked 3kms and felt great - no cravings or withdrawls. That was 33 weeks ago. I BEG anyone wanting to stop, to look into ibogaine for any opiate addiction. Everything you will read will sound to good to be true but its not. It can be an expensive treatment opition but i didnt even miss 1 day of work and moved on with my life. I just wanted people to know that you dont need to suffer with WDs using ibogaine
 
I would rather live a life with drugs and deal with the consequences, than without and be bored and miserable. My quality of life while sober has always sucked. Plus I mean, it's not like our food and water isn't already riddled with harmful shit.

Everybody needs something to keep them going.
 
Yea, I feel that it's better to use and have a good life than be clean and miserable. I know that I cannot not use, so I instead try to minimize the harms associated with using.
 
Hi guys,i know it`s been a long time but I`ve only just come back and read the thread.

I really appreciate your comments,i`m alone in what I do,so reading stories like yours actually helps me to feel like I'm not a drug freak...We`re all people just trying to get by the best we can with what we got.

And the first time poster that commented on Ibogaine,it is something that I`ve looked into,but unfortunately for those that use buprenorphine it doesn`t work,the buperenorphine binds so tightly to the receptor that ibogaine cannot budge it,the only way I could do it is to go back on short acting opiates for about a month first.

Any way I hope you guys are all ok and thanks again for telling your side of things.

Peace.
 
As long as your use is not affecting the quality of others' lives, as long as your use is TRULY improving the quality of your own short existence - man, do whatever the fuck you need to do to make your days easier.
 
IMO...The fact that you have attempted to be clean multiple times indicates that theres a part of you that wants to change, and I think your addiction has succeeded in keeping you from that change (so far, at least).
Drugs are exciting and entertaining, but they take away the true nature of feeling alive. At first maybe not, but as addiction takes hold, you start to watch the real YOU disappear, bit by bit, trait by trait. Life is about love and happiness. And in my experience, drugs have only been about excitement and justifying everything to make obtaining that excitement okay.
I'm much like you from what I can gauge by reading. I like drugs, of all kinds, and I always will. But I never ever forget, it's not happiness they bring me, nor is it fulfillment, empathy or love. It's just instant gratification.
It's never too late brother, and 41 is PLENTY young to give the sober thing another go if you so choose. If not, that's alright too. Just don't ever view yourself too negatively. Addicted minds tend to do that as a manipulation tactic so we keep using. You haven't wasted your life, not at all. There's nothing wrong with the choices you've made good or bad, just learn and grow from them.
Cheers, brother!
 
Phoenix_rising said:
Hi fellow BLrs,

As you may have seen I have been on BL for many years and contributed many a time and always liked to debate,but now I would like to see your opinion on a life of drug use.

Since the age of 13 I have been using drugs and now I am 41. I have kicked the habit several times including MDMA,Opiates,Cocaine,Cannabis and Arylcyclohexylamines ,but always gravitate back to something or another,never have I been completely clean as they say...I`m now on opiate maintenance and Diazepam,i`ve kinda come full circle.

So at my age do you think that to accept that I'm a dug user and maintain safely rather than being irresponsible is better than continually trying to break the habit? Or do you think that someone like myself should fight to become someone new and free myself from addiction?

For me it`s like all those dieters out there who spend so much money and time trying to overcome their weight issues only to put more weight on when they finish,their problem never goes away,they just seem to yo yo. so instead of eating themselves to death or depriving themselves they should just try and regulate their intake and eat foods that do less damage?

Phoenix.
Click to expand...

Some people realy can't be happy without drugs. Some other people can be happy with out drugs, but think they can not and they are wrong. I can't tell you which categorie are u, though, cause I don't know u.
 
I've decided to maintain and stabilise instead of trying to quit when I'm not ready, lapsing continually and being sick all the time. I am not ready to quit nor do I have all the skills I need to deal with life. Completely "clean" I was a nervous wreck

At least stable on ORT I can pursue and education, try to distance myself from the drug scene and develop skills to deal with real life and ordinary people.

I know plenty of "normal" people who have good jobs, a house, 2 cars, a marriage and kids. But their lives are just as fucked of not more fucked up than mine.

It might not be drugs but something is not right with a lot of people. If you can maintain in the sense that you are healthy. Happy and functional then there's no reason you can be dependent for life.

With the introduction of subutex people are not tied down as much Any more as they were with methadone.

Obviously it would be better to be drug free but being "clean" is a state of mind, not simply drug free.
 
Tryptamite said:
I've decided to maintain and stabilise instead of trying to quit when I'm not ready, lapsing continually and being sick all the time. I am not ready to quit nor do I have all the skills I need to deal with life. Completely "clean" I was a nervous wreck

At least stable on ORT I can pursue and education, try to distance myself from the drug scene and develop skills to deal with real life and ordinary people.

I know plenty of "normal" people who have good jobs, a house, 2 cars, a marriage and kids. But their lives are just as fucked of not more fucked up than mine.

It might not be drugs but something is not right with a lot of people. If you can maintain in the sense that you are healthy. Happy and functional then there's no reason you can be dependent for life.

With the introduction of subutex people are not tied down as much Any more as they were with methadone.

Obviously it would be better to be drug free but being "clean" is a state of mind, not simply drug free.
Click to expand...

Drug free is the first stage for a clear state of mind, though.
 
I started sipping robitussin drinking lean popping amphetamines around age 12.

I'm 29 now and going for recovery because the drugs don't work anymore. I can't get high, just geeked the fuck up.
 
First time posting, actually pretty happy about it been trying to get clean having a tough time. You answered your question yourself, you always used something it wasnt one thing that dragged u down. You just have to look further than you are now and find the new non drug thing that you actually enjoy just cause its something that your not seeing in your daily life and jn your circle doesn't mean its not there....like i said im having a hard time, miserable actually, but because there are people that care i have to keep trying and looking for something to fill that "gap"
 
Without drugs I am a socially awkward huge angry man that has to think of going to jail so I can calm myself from beating someone to death with anything I can find several times a day..with drugs I am an employed gentleman that makes ppl laugh and just got a 10g a year raise..So I stick to daily responsible Drug use
 
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