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Why Have An Affair or Have a Mistress etc. If you are in Love?

M

mikumiku

Ex-Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 19, 2016
Messages
87
Why is it that females and males, have partners that they are in love with, and then they marry, and all is well and happy. Then one of them goes and has an affair or has a mistress on the side, while still remaining with their partner? I never understood that. If you love your partner, and go out of your way to marry them, then stay with them, why have someone else on the side lines or hidden away? When I am in a relationship or ever get married, I plan to not cheat or have an affair or anything like this type of thing. But why do you think so many people do it? Have any of you or know of anyone that has done such a thing?
 
do you think that people who get married and subsequently cheat, planned to cheat when they got married?

alasdair
 
My dad cheated on my mom. He couldn't divorce her because they had three kids together, and ran a business together. He just saw a younger woman, and started sending her flowers as a "secret admirer". Then, they finally met and dated. I believe she knew that he was married but he told her that they were going to divorce and were fighting all the time. They were fighting all the time and my mom would always kick him out. So he went to his lovers house. This went on for a couple years... till my mother found out. So yeah, many reasons; getting older, constant fighting, getting kicked out, etc. They were married 25 years.

I think he did love my mom. I don't think he was in love with her anymore. People fall out of love..
 
I keep thinking of Ashley Madison. It was great when the cheaters were revealed. I couldn't handle the guilt of having an affair if I were married. People do fall out of love and my simple answer would be "Get a divorce and don't cheat.", but I've heard so many complicated situations with marriage. They'd rather cheat instead of divorcing because of the kids or losing half their money in a divorce. There are many reasons people have an affair on the side. That's why marriage is a joke. It's like you're setting yourself up for failure. Sorry, but love doesn't last forever. Pop out some annoying ass kids, add money problems to the situation. It's a nightmare.
 
I've known people who cheat on their husband or wife.

Not to excuse this as I don't condone cheating since it's my belief that it's better to just divorce and then sleep with whomever you want instead of lying and cheating; but the one person who I know cheats a lot is in a sexless marriage, and they are addicted to cheating and sex with strangers.

Or in some cases the person that cheats is not able to have a normal loving relationship with anyone including the person who they married, so they go out and cheat with other people to fill the void.

I'm not saying everyone that cheats does so for these reasons, as there are a million reasons why people cheat.

In some cultures having a mistress/concubine is accepted or was in the past.
 
I don't think monogamy is a normal situation. Most men could love their wives, perhaps deeply, and still have an overwhelming need for a little strange. It's in our genes to need to spread our seed around
 
I'm having an affair with a married woman. The situation is complicated. She is separated from her husband. He lives in Saudi Arabia and has taken a second wife while staying married to the first wife. This is legal for Muslims in that country. I don't understand the intricacies of the situation, but divorcing him would cause a scandal among their families -- both are from upper class conservative Muslim families. She lives in Paris.
 
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socko said:
I'm having an affair with a married woman. The situation is complicated. She is separated from her husband. He lives in Saudi Arabia and has taken a second wife while staying married to the first wife. This is legal for Muslims in that country. I don't understand the intricacies of the situation, but divorcing him would cause a scandal among their families -- both are from upper class conservative Muslim families. She lives in Paris.
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Are you married? Does her husband know she has sex with other,men?
 
I'm single, and I adore her. Her husband does not know. They have been separated for several years, but there is still this sense of Ownership among Arab men.
 
socko said:
this sense of Ownership among Arab men.
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That sense of ownership over women in muslim cultures makes my blood boil.

The thread is stupid and alasdair's response sums it up well. What are you, 13? Smells trolly to me.
 
At it again huh? Maybe just slow. Needs better parental supervision regardless of age.
 
because maybe finical ties and what is sexless companionship that is satisfying in one way but cannot give them the sex they crave

very hard to get everything you want in one person especially if you are a novelty addict.

also impulsiveity and boredom, soul crushing mediocre ageing small town crusty yawn boredom
 
socko said:
I'm single, and I adore her. Her husband does not know. They have been separated for several years, but there is still this sense of Ownership among Arab men.
Click to expand...

Sounds like the kind of affair that can get you both killed.
 
Lysis said:
Sounds like the kind of affair that can get you both killed.
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Yes it sounds very dangerous. Honour killings do happen even in the Western world, and a lot of people have killed the person who their husband/wife is cheating on them with and having sex with.
 
PriestTheyCalledHim said:
Yes it sounds very dangerous. Honour killings do happen even in the Western world, and a lot of people have killed the person who their husband/wife is cheating on them with and having sex with.
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It seems like I read about this in the news once a week happening here. There is a murder or double murder/suicide where the former partner, whether or not s/he was a spouse or lover, kills their x and the x's new partner and then suicides. The killer is either european or american and this is without cultural and religious motivations.

Adding religion and middle eastern culture to it a similarity with inter-racial relationships in the Deep South before civil rights. My gf is a former muslim turned agnostic. That alone could get her killed in some parts of the world. So, we avoid going to certain middle eastern restaurants together because some of the workers can be hateful if they realize she is from the Middle East and I am not. Jewish restaurants, on the other hand, are always very good.

I found several other similar threads opened by the OP, and I get the impression the OP is still a child or in her early teens and hasn't experienced or even heard about any situations that lead to affairs in real life. Why would you stay faithful to a partner who has taken a second wife (a total of 3 wives are allowed in there country iirc), that you have not seen in years and are now married in name only? Situations can arise that many people cannot imagine. That's why this subject is matieral for 1000s of novels and movies. I'm even going to use parts of it for a novel I'm writing.
 
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A man can cheat and still love his girl. Fucking is not much different than lifting weights or hell taking a piss. Just don't disrespect and be discrete about.

If a woman cheats it's over though. Too much emotion involved.

That's why a cute girl could walk around and say "wanna fuck" and be laid in under an hour and only a famous dude could do the same.
 
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