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December Getting/Staying Clean and Sober Thread v. Happy Holidays!

What was it? said:
I never knew coming off pot can be that difficult. I have heard about the nightmares and anxiety but it almost sounds like benzo withdrawal!!! Did you use daily? and for how long? My younger brother is struggling massively with a heavy dual-addiction to meth and pot and I am trying to understand what he is going through a little bit better. I have never been addicted to either and have only used them a handful of times. My poisons are/were opiates and benzos.

He recently went to a rehab and had been clean off the meth for 2 weeks beforehand and was still smoking pot. The rehab lets people in with pot in their system, but no other drugs. Apparently he went completely nuts and was in and out of the mental ward every other day to see psychologists, psychiatrists etc, and it was all due to nightmares and pot withdrawal. On day 14 he checked himself out. He couldn't take it. Now he's back on both and worse than the couple of weeks before rehab. it's real sad to watch. 5 years younger than me. poor kid.
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That sounds rough. Yeah, pot especially when combined with other substances can substantially fuck with your brain chemistry. I struggled with serious motivation issues and intense depression all through my addiction and up to a year after I got clean. But I was using daily. And heavily. Like any time I stepped outside I was smoking a joint or a bowl. I would wake and bake every day, usually with dabs of my rig or hits off the bong. I would also hit my little oil pen (mini dabs) all thru my classes.

When I finally quit cold turkey it had gotten to the point where I couldn't stay high for more than 5-10 minutes at a time. I literally smoked to eat, to sleep, to take a shit, to survive. So yes, the mental and even physical effects of withdrawal at that point were horrific. I didn't go to more than one or two classes for about 3 weeks, I lost 15 pounds (weighing in at 135 previously), the nightmares and restlessness and full-on return of my ADHD meant I would never get out of bed, alternating between trying to sleep for a couple hours and playing video games for 6-10 hours.

About 11 months later, the depression hit hardest, especially because all my friends (from using) went their own way and abandoned me as the truly evil stuff I did during my addiction came to light. That first month of that bout of depression, I spent over $600 on dominos deliveries. Sometimes I would order from them 2 or 3 times a day. Literally the only thing that kept me (relatively) sane and alive was my NA meeting - and writing poetry.

Funny thing, tho. From the moment I finally gave in, gave up, got clean, life was all still better than when I was using. Especially when I took advantage of the opportunity to become a better person.

I hope your brother finds peace and a future. My little brother has it harder than I do too and its a horribly difficult thing to watch.

Blesséd be,

vk
 
5 hrs till what CH? You ok? My day was complete disaster so forced me to take meatters in own hands. PM ya Captain on it. Hope youre good
 
you can make it man. your like a redwood covered in fireants....insurmountable.
 
I am back in Los Angeles.

Haven't gotten home yet.

Am waiting for that dab so hard.

At least I went over a week without it.
 
Day 14 off the smack aaaaaannnnddd.....I finally feel like shit again. It was going a little too easy there the last 4 days with the help of dexies. The addict in me is saying: Hey, just get more dexies! But the entire point was just to take it for a lil while post acute withdrawal. So here i am again, still determined to stay off opiates but back to that all too familiar feeling I have had every time after detox. Lethargy, anhedonia, lack of drive,lack of energy and lack of motivation. And from my experience this won't go away. This is f$%ing shit. Wish i had never picked up opiates but I can't turn around time. That's my vent for today. Amen.

update.....f&*k. I am really struggling today. i feel totally useless and have no productive value to society right now. Even if I had a goal to focus on other than recovery, I have zero energy. PAWS is hitting me like a sledgehammer. Even just standing up and going to the toilet is a massive undertaking. This sucks. I never want to go back to opiates but the monkey on my back is whispering....'just give yourself a break, just for a bit". I am back in that torturous PAWS hell and have no idea how to get out of it other than getting more dexies and mixing it up with benzos. Maybe I need to check myself into a rehab for a month. I want to feel safe. Maybe that would help with the healing. i don't know. This is lousy. And the worst part is not knowing how long this PAWS shit will keep on going for. If i had a date, like 1st of March....and it would be over....then it would give me strength. But right now I am on the floor - crawling like a vermin struggling for survival every day.
 
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Hang in there whatwasit. I know the Paws are horrible man but the ending is more near than you think. I took tons of immodium when i went thru it. Def stopped the diarehha. I read online somewhere. I took 15 pills at once which you would think would constipate you but it doesnt and bc its an antagonist it really made me feel better. Glad you feel better CH. You did a good job. I myself am doung terrible. My mom and i have rented this house for 18 yrs. No problems from elderly landlord and he comes over yesterday morning and drops bomb on me. He basically needs the house. He didnt say it but he wants to refirbish and get double rent. Hes been up my ass. How the fuck do i find a place with no car to go to these places and fill out applications? I told him i need a month and he kinda didnt say anything and said ok. So he wasnt gonna carge me for rent jan and wanted me to use that money to find place. Fucking turmoil. Just made a big dump run. Have a buddy i maybe can move in with. Everything in my price range is in ghetto. I wanna use so bad. I really do but that shit wont help but for a short time. Might go to halfway house. I really wanna live on my own but if i had to i will. Most houses pee test and all my scripts are legit but i smoked a bowl the other day so gotta give it a few weeks. It was stupid but i dont regret it at all. It could be worse. I could have PAWS so ill quit bitching. Hope yall feel better.
 
Closeau: So sorry to hear about all the stresses in your life right now. In my state, a landlord needs to go through a legal process in order to evict someone, and I have had friends get to live in the house for three months while this process was taking place. Is there any possibility your state also has laws protecting renters?
 
Erikmen said:
Tomorrow, 10 months totally sober!! Have won my war with methadone and all opiates + benzodiazepines, etc. 10-15 year's war!!

I still drink coffee and have fun. ;)

One day at a time, always!! :)
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Love it !! GL Staying Clean :D
 
closeau said:
Hang in there whatwasit. I know the Paws are horrible man but the ending is more near than you think. I took tons of immodium when i went thru it. Def stopped the diarehha. I read online somewhere. I took 15 pills at once which you would think would constipate you but it doesnt and bc its an antagonist it really made me feel better. Glad you feel better CH. You did a good job. I myself am doung terrible. My mom and i have rented this house for 18 yrs. No problems from elderly landlord and he comes over yesterday morning and drops bomb on me. He basically needs the house. He didnt say it but he wants to refirbish and get double rent. Hes been up my ass. How the fuck do i find a place with no car to go to these places and fill out applications? I told him i need a month and he kinda didnt say anything and said ok. So he wasnt gonna carge me for rent jan and wanted me to use that money to find place. Fucking turmoil. Just made a big dump run. Have a buddy i maybe can move in with. Everything in my price range is in ghetto. I wanna use so bad. I really do but that shit wont help but for a short time. Might go to halfway house. I really wanna live on my own but if i had to i will. Most houses pee test and all my scripts are legit but i smoked a bowl the other day so gotta give it a few weeks. It was stupid but i dont regret it at all. It could be worse. I could have PAWS so ill quit bitching. Hope yall feel better.
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Day 15, PAWS are giving me a bit of respite today. i feel ok although I don't have any appetite. I will have to force some food down otherwise I'll get the mood drop again pretty soon. For now all good and happy to say i made it through 2 weeks and am onto my third. This is pretty cool. I sense some healing is going on in me. Can't really explain what i mean though. yesterday I had a brilliant idea as to how to get my finances into order. I'll stew over it for a while as i don't want to make any stupid decisions in early recovery.
 
Thats great man! You are healing for sure. Yeah, its real easy to make foolish desicions in early recovery. They told me that and font make any big desicions in early recovery. I did and it went badly. So im glad youre coming out of it.
Pokemama, im not sure but i think this state is 30 days which i got today. Hes bot evicting me really. He needs the money for his ill wife so i get it. He can put new carpet and fresh paint and could get double what hes getting now. I thought i was gonna but the house but guess not. Its either a buddy of mines place or halfway house. That actually would be good for me. Im having troubles of my own and living with others in recovery would be good. Cheaper too. The place i want is months rent and pee test so thats doable. Well just see. I have untill end of Jan to be out then come clean. I love my landlord like a grandpa so whatever he needs ill comply i just had to relay to him without a car right now its impossible. He said maybe a week? I kinda laughed and said look, ill pay rent for jan so i have time. He said that works. Im trying to embrace the change. Funny, i had a atrology reading back in Sept and she said the turn of the year will bring many changes in your life. Dam if it wasnt spot on. Anyway, i had a long day and another tomorrow so goodnight
 
I've got about two weeks clean from H. My fixation on IVing and dope has lessened tremendously in the last few days, feels good man.

(Although I cheated 3 days ago by taking a 20 mg oxycodone tablet, but we're not going to talk about that...) :\;)
 
you sir.....are alright. I cheated on my taper. I took an extra .25mg xanax cos my brain felt kinda weird and I was twitching like I had tourettes.
 
I cheat constantly which i guess is a habit. Ive had some reveations ately and lots of change going on in my life. Just needed to tell on myself cause no meetings in 2 weeks and some slips but i got proper help close to me and some of it i really dont think its a big deal. I think im gonna go back to how i was in my 20's, without the drinking. Happy new year!!
 
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