If you thought running out of weed is bad (which it really is hell for me to)....then wait till you get a little benzo habit going.
EDIT: My review of etiz was a bit harsh. I was just expecting something more potent is all. But I would probably say that if you gave me thorazine. Some people say its like 10 mg of diaz. More like 4 or 5 atleast in terms of impairment.
It feels most like ativan but with a much shorter duration. Very clear headed benzo targeting mainly anxiety. Good head buzz from the rapid onset. I think these would be great for panic attacks. I'm not so sure about the recreational potential but hey its a benzo.
Oh also apparently while almost but not blacked out on etizolam and booze I was apparently really fucked up. I can mix booze and benzos like a champ. So you've been warned. I won't do it again.
Hey man I completely agree, I'm heading down a dark path these days. It doesn't seem like it now, because I was so fucked out of my mind to begin with and now I am functioning just fine, but eventually I will screw myself over completely. I know this, but I see no other way. It's a last resort, I've tried anti-psychotics, ssri's, CBT, healthy eating, yoga, exercise (well I've always lived a healthy lifestyle apart from drug use), vitamin supplements... nothing fucking works. Before I started using benzos, whenever I had a panic attack I couldn't handle it because I get extremely severe ones, and I would chug 6 beers to calm myself down. This happened once or twice a day even though I was on that miserable seroquel and I was becoming an alcoholic and I haven't had a drink since I started on the benzos.
But I just have a question, what's your opinion on the xanax / etizolam equivalency? I use both, so it's hard to quantify how much I am using each day. It's usually 1mg xanax (which I find is more sedating and lasts longer) and 4mg of etizolam - which feels a little softer/weaker although really effective for panic attacks which is the main reason I am stuck in this bit of a rut. But does this really mean I'm using 5mg of xanax a day? I don't think I'd need that much. I was experiencing chronic panic attacks before I started using these drugs - like my whole entire life was literally a full blown panic attack 24/7. My heart couldn't take it anymore... I really fucked myself up. As little as one year ago, I didn't even know what a panic attack was. I have no idea how I could EVER stop using them because the panic attacks would come back worse than before. I was ready to off myself.
If it's really true that 1mg xanax is roughly equivalent to 2mg etizolam on average, that would be good news in my books because it's mainly etizolam that I use, but I always take 1mg doses.
I'm also slowly but surely picking up an oxycodone habit... I like to use a 5mg IR (orally of course, I'm new to opioids) every day now and if I skip a few days I get cravings, I even had dreams about them. It was really easy for me to pick up this habit because I was primed for it by my years of weed abuse, and I also suffer from chronic agony in my spine that has been ongoing for years. And earlier this year I sniffed little bumps of H 3 times a day, before I sort of realized what was going on and I stopped completely for a while, and I seem to be doing better with the oxy. It's all happening really fast though, like I just got fed up one day and picked up the opioids. So I'm just fucking fed up with suffering and I take benzos and low doses of opioids now. I just REALLY hope that 5mg pill doesn't turn into 10mg then into 20mg you know what I mean? But fuck, I have responsibilities and shit, a life to live and a job... I need to be able to function. I don't know what kind of doses oxy addicts with full blown withdrawals are taking, but isn't 5mg really low? I get strong effects from it, and I don't feel the need to take more than 1 a day but still. Ugh. I'm dependent on these fucking drugs and it all started when I became a huge pothead, after fiending dope all day every day for years and being forced to quit because it turned it's back on me, I'm just too mentally ill to be sober now. Now I can't smoke weed anymore because I get extreme panic attacks from it, so it just seems like I'm switching over to opioids. The brain was seeking an alternative, but actually I like opioids more and function better on them than with weed. Honestly, what the fuck happened to me... one day after smoking weed for 10 years I just started getting horrible panic attacks that never went away when I quit... my life was going downhill enough with the chronic pain before the extreme anxiety hit. I'm just confused... maybe I should be taking 30mg of oxy a day and no benzos at all if possible? If that would take the anxiety away, I think it would be safer than this benzo habit I'm picking up. The question is, can opioids be as effective for extreme anxiety and panic attacks as benzos? I'm desperate to self medicate so I'd definitely go for it, I don't like the idea of being on benzos long term.
But is 5mg of oxycodone a day, for someone suffering with chronic pain, isn't that like what someone would be prescribed? 2.5mg is really all I need, 5 is a little strong for me, probably due to benzo potentiation. I don't think it's a big deal unless I start taking more. But I think it's a big deal that I started using them to begin with and I have an addictive personality. And I really like them a lot, I wasn't into heroin too much because I knew it was cut full of junk. And I'm hypersensitive to things like caffeine now which I know they cut it with, I'm very untrusting of street drugs apart from a good oxy hookup. And dilaudid was too short lived and I hated how I had to sniff it to increase the bioavailability, but when I found oxycodone it was like a match made in heaven.
I'm just a little worried because I can't go back to the way I was before I took the way of the benzo. It was extreme agony beyond all description. I cannot handle, and will never be able to handle the severity of those godawful panic attacks. I would show up in the ER begging for mercy. And even if I didn't have any problems, I don't know if I could stop myself from using opioids at this point.
Fuck, it seems like once an addict, always an addict... I had a psychotic break from smoking way too much weed and ever since my life has been hell. But it wasn't just weed that led me here... I had a really severe sports injury a few years back, and that's what led me to smoke so much weed in the first place. But weed had anxiety as a side effect, and I was stressed to begin with because of the chronic pain... eventually one day I just snapped. And after suffering for nearly a year, I'm unwilling to let it go on any longer.